Is it fair he wants me to put in effort?

There’s a guy I met in the summer, and we hit it off pretty well. We fell in love, but as of now distance is keeping us apart cause we live in two different countries. We’re not officially together because he’s had some trouble with long distance in the past. Before he met me he was dating someone, and said that there was no spark. I flew out to see him after less than two months of knowing him, and I cancelled an important meeting for him as well. I even skipped two days of work for him (these were all separate times) we’ve had fights abot me not putting him as a priority because he says I rarely text or call him ( I do but not all the time). After I came back from visiting him he told me he got upset that the girl he was seeing prior to me cut him off completely and I got upset over it and it caused a fight. He was having problems last week and I’ve been there for him, and still now he doesn’t appreciate me. Last night I was upset and he asked me what’s wrong and I wouldn’t tell him, and he told me that it’s not fair I never tell him my problems but I expect him to tell me his so that caused another fight. I’m always feeling like I’m in the wrong and he makes me feel like I never prioritise him. Is it fair for him wanting me to treat him specially when he doesn’t do it for me? Who’s in the wrong here?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I almost have the same problem. During summer i met a childhood crush of mine and we hit it off. After a month she went back to germany and i started missing her. As time went by we had fights that she didn't text much or call much. That she is out with friends and when she is online she never texts me unless i do it first. Yes it hurts. And many times when i send her messages expressing my feelings she just sais okay. We rarely speak now and it is very hurtful for me. I honestly don't know what to do. I think your guy only needs reassurance that you love and want him.

    • I constantly tell him I love him, and how much I adore him. I eventually want to make this work, and even am trying to move to be near him. I’ve wrote about 5 love letters to him, and I constantly am there for him. I do text, but he just sees what he wants to. Yes, distance plays a role on separating two people, and causing miscommunications.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, get some self esteem and move on !

    A chic should NEVER need to work this hard to keep a guy. Wtf.


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What Guys Said 4

  • You haven't mentioned anything special he has done for you? If he hasn't done anything romantic like flying out to see you or some kind of affectionate effort on his part then... It's a one sided, long distance relationship, that's no good.

    • His idea of romance is texting and calling eveydya to say I love you. He says I don’t put effort into talking, but I do. I’m also always there for him when he needs me. I do text, but it’s always half, and half.

    • Show All
    • Last night we had a fight because I was crying and I wouldn't tell him what was upsetting me, and he told there is somehting wrong and there really wasn’t, and he kept saying he knows me. I told him he doesn’t know me, and he got really upset saying how I keep saying he’s my best friend But I say stuff like that. Even though I was in a bad place, he turned it into a fight and turned it into how I always treat him unfairly and say mean things.

    • He sounds very insecure, that's causing him to see himself as a victim. I think you need to look at your situation and ask yourself if this is making you happy now, will it make you happy in the future? If he isn't going to grow up a bit and be secure with your relationship, is it ever going to bring you happiness? Ask him what he really wants, ask him how he sees your future together playing out. Has he thought about that? Have you two talked about that? A spontaneous romance is cool and exciting but a relationship is hard work.

  • It sounds like you will have a bumpy journey ahead of you because you MUST let this one go... Trust me

    • So you think I deserve better?

    • I don't know you to make any assumptions... I'm just telling you to realize where there something is worth continuimg

  • None of you are wrong... The distance is one among the enemies for a relationship.. While it is true that we cannot always have the time... It is also true that a quick text in between ur work shouldn't consume much of ur time... Next up, maybe you can or he can change the way of approaching when ones upset. I understand it does upset when someone dear to us gets upset for someone leaving them but if both get upset then that inevitably leads to fights.. When one is upset no matter what, we should try to console them n show them we are with them n make them realize they are important to us! While distance does kill a lot of relationships there are still many people whose relationship sustained even though they are thousands of miles apart! Trust n patience is the key, don't lose your patience n assume that you are wrong or he's wrong.

    Hope this helps. 😊

  • Girls put in no effort and no appreciation

    • I think I’ve put more than enough effort. How many girls do you know put their career on hold, and even fly out to see a guy they’ve known for under two months?

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