I must be an overly nice man because I seem to always get friendzoned?

So I've tried to talk to girls and always want to take it slow. First get to know them without rushing into a relationship so of course I'm not going to want to invite them over or anything on the first date. Always just want to hang out. Anyway, every single girl that I've talked to ends up "not wanting to ruin the friendship" my question is am I taking too long or should I begin to skip the date and ask them to be my girlfriend straight off the bat?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You get friendzoned because you're acting like a friend, and they think think you're genuinely a friend. Friendship is more important than a relationship that may last only a few months, so they're not willing to risk your "friendship".
    Those women may not even know that you're interested in that way. You should be more straightforward with your intentions.

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    • Okay so from what ur telling me and what some guys have said. For the reason of me already letting them know that I'm interested, if they don't seem interested in a relationship but just friends then stop being friends with them and forget about it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are hearing their words, but not getting their message. They say things like "I don't want to ruin the friendship" but what they are telling you is "No, I'm not interested in you as a romantic partner." Your inability to understand what they are telling you is a big part of the reason they aren't interested.

    So the problem isn't that you are overly nice. The problem is that you are socially clueless. A lot of communication between adults occurs between the lines, not in the actual words spoken. You need to mature socially and then you will have more success dating. Start by just making small talk with everyone. Girls you want to date. Girls you don't want to date. The guy at the supermarket. Learn their names. Ask twice if you have to. Ask three times. No problem. People will be happy you care enough to ask.

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    • That's who I already am, do u have a second step or something I can do to continue this? I'm a pretty social person and have had enough practice doing these things. I have picked up so great guy friends by asking them how was their day having quick small talk. That's also how I got a couple dates from asking the worker at a coffee shop or just someone standing in line with me at a store.

    • Great, you already did the first step. Now you just need some more experience dating and it will all happen for you. Don't worry about being "too nice". That is not a real thing. Be yourself, keep making small talk, ask girls out if they seem receptive, but don't get your hopes up too high for a first date. A date is not a do or die situation. There's always another girl out there. That way you may be pleasantly surprised but won't be disappointed.

    • Excellent, thank you for ur help!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • The right woman will come along and realize your a great catch!

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  • Sometimes friends make the best couples. Maybe examine how your signals are being read? You’re 22, lots of time! Hang in there πŸ€—

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  • Act like a friend and you'll be treated like one. Make your intentions known and ask her out.

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    • I've tried asking out. I've gotten a few dates but they end sexual and that's not what I'm looking for so I leave them. I'm just tired off all these 'hoes'

    • If you're tired of "hoes" then stop talking to her and move on. Find another girl.

What Guys Said 20

  • In my experience, there is no such thing as a friend zone. Someone either sees you as a potential dating partner, or they don't. Simple as that. Feelings don't need to be reciprocated (ie. Well I like you, so you need to like me).

    Play the slow game, sure. But you can usually gauge by your first few interactions if you are friends or something more.

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  • Girls don't want you to take it slow, especially if they have multiple other guys wanting to date them too. If you're talking it slow, you're wasting her time because she doesn't know if you're attracted to her so she'll want to see other guys that push towards the man-woman dynamic instead.

    You need to be touching her, and at least try to kiss her on the first date so she knows you're a man that is attracted to her sexually/romantically. If you do that she won't question your intentions.

    If a girls don't want to ruin your friendship, then you're taking too long to set the man-woman dynamic. Don't ask out friends, ask out strangers at bars/clubs or in the daytime depending what you prefer when you see someone you like.

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  • The trouble here is that you're trying to start off as friends. Once a woman sees you as a friend it can be harder to go on to a relationship unless she's really attracted to you because before you've asked her out she's only ever thought of you as a friend and has built this friendship with you that she doesn't want to risk losing. It can be hard for her to go from seeing you as just a friend to a potential boyfriend.

    The best way to avoid this is to set the frame as "we're dating" rather than "we're hanging out as friends" as soon as you meet her. You need to make her start to size you up as a potential boyfriend rather than just a friend. Of course that doesn't mean asking them to be your girlfriend right away, just be clear that you're interested in getting to know them for this reason.

    When my girlfriend first met me for example she said that we'd be just hanging out as friends. She did that to take off the pressure, but I wouldn't have it. I just said "no, we're going on a date, I'm not looking for another friend". It's as simple as that. If they don't like it they'll say no and you won't end up wasting your time befriending them (unless you genuinely do want that, which I doubt is the case) and finding out later that they don't see you as a potential boyfriend.

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  • You are probably to nice and making yourself seem more like a friend then a boyfriend.

    As a friend you talk about her ex'es and her break ups and you support her.

    As her boyfriend you do not have that problem because you are her boyfriend. So if she brings something like that up just say "I want to talk about us not about him".

    Just do not talk about things you would talk to a friend about. Talk to them like you want it. Give compliments, take it slow but fast. Go for it and take the leap. But your hand on her leg when you drive her home.

    You need to have some balls

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    • I guess touching was considered inappropriate but honestly thinking about it, wouldn't be so bad lol

    • Indeed. But keep it clean. Touch her by the top of her arm below her shoulder.

      Touch her on top of her leg, not inside her tights that's weird.

      Those 2 area's are safe and cute.

      Let me know mate if it helps!

  • Maybe you are showing them too much love and attention, you should not always be available for a girl, show her you are busy and not available for her all the time. Play hard to get, like when you tell her good morning, don't send her hearts and kisses everytime, let her do it first (sometimes), don't see her everyday, don't buy lots of gifts, let her love you for who you are, not for what you get her. If she wants to friendzone you, tell her i don't mind being friends sure, you will destroy her ego. Don't tell her you are beautiful, i'm lucky to have you and shit, be a bitch tell her there is a lot of fish in the sea when she treats you like shit... be cocky, be self confident. I'm not saying don't show her love (do show her love but not all day everyday, let her miss the days when you showed her lots of love). See ya

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  • If you end up getting "friendzoned", then it's up to you to choose to remain friendzoned. Don't like being there, ditch that shit because it will weigh you down. You may not be the "nice guy" for doing so, but you gotta look out for you in the end.

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    • I like this way a lot, how do u know when to turn the other way?

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    • Well just don't cut yourself off from any chance. Just sayin don't be used by those who friendzone you.

    • Okay! 😎

  • If high school memories serve me correctly, the first week of school the hot people are on the prowl for one another. Like literally one week and they're all paired off. Be aggressive and a wee bit dickish. Indifference to their feelings towards you signals status, trying to be their friend or showing them how 'different you are than most other guys?' yea no, your mother is full of shit or whomever is telling you boys that shit. BE. A. DOUCHE.

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    • πŸ˜‚ well said, I'm also way out of high-school

    • College is high school 2.0. Compared to the real world college and high school are the Golden Years of dating. NEVER in your life will there be that much young, horny, and hot P**** concentrated in such a confined space.

  • I feel like that's a good attitude, but unfortunately "not wanting to ruin the friendship" can also mean that they lack attraction towards you. About how long do you stay friends with these girls before you tell them how they feel? in my opinion it's always good for love to sprout from friendship :)

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    • Well if it's a new girl like straight from meeting them I tell them I'm liking how they are and stuff

  • Make your intentions clear from the get-go and bruv being nice has nothing to do with being in the imaginary land of "friendzone".

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  • Your not being nice, just "safe". Been there before.
    You need to make a move and let your intentions be known.

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  • Honestly, tell her you feel like kissing her. She may even cringe but then do it as if you couldnt take it anymore. Even a simple pat on the lips will make everything transparent to both of you and trust me she will not unfriend you because of that. Even if she not into it will strengthen your friendship. Act more manly too.

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    • πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ one way to make it awkward between two friends. I can't do this to all my friends tho, that'll end up giving me a nickname

    • Well are you just trying to fuck all of them? I thought its more of a crush thing, some girl you wanna date. Maybe you dont like any of them lol so you dont even notice how you're subconciously sending non-romantic vibes. Maybe your subconcious standards are higher than your intellectual ones? Find yourself first my dude, the right girl will find her way to you naturally.

    • Not trying to the have sex with all of them, but yeah I will certainly take the opportunity when it comes along

  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

    I think you should make your intentions clearer from the start. You can be extremely nice and very flirty at the same time.

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  • thats what you get for being too nice. women are predators and they take advantage of the weak. you don't wanna end up a bitter old man who hates women and all people. speed that shit up man, be edgy, funny, sarcastic and they'll appreciate it

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    • Im too funny let's say that, honestly too many women out there playing too many games

  • Yeah, you gotta move quick.

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  • Looking for something to last life time. Don't want to push.. in time hope it will happen if ment to be

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    • Very true! I guess my slow is an okay speed. Just as the lady comment said, someone will come around thatll appreciate the way I treat them.

    • Treet with love my leed to love

  • Dude you gotta throw the sexual innuendos out there regularly or women shut the window quick. Playfull banter, quick snide remarks, sexual tension, you want them to playfully punch you for talking naughty. Don't let them forget your a man and have needs. It's when they get to comfortable with you that your in the S. O. L. friend zone.

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  • I need quite a bit more information here. Specifics, please.

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    • Okay for example I've been talking to a girl for about 3 months and I had let her know I'm into her from the get go, that's how I got her number, then I had asker her for a date and doesn't seem to want that but loves to talk about anything.

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    • What do u mean? I've confronted and asked why she ignored the question. She says she doesn't want to mess up the friendship

    • You asked why you got friendzoned. In order to provide you a correct answer, and help you avoid being friendzoned in the future, I need to know more about how you interact with women.

  • move quicker but dont ask to be girlfriend quicker here's a prescription just for u they should be in ur room within 2 weeks with the possibility of sex

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  • Skipping the date will make no difference. They will just say no. The problem is you're not attractive enough. Best bet is to try to optimize that.

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  • I'm a "nice guy" too but I've learned that the niceness itself doesn't turn women off, it's the underconfidence OR being too available is what is getting you friend zoned.

    That's cool you are at least approaching and talking to women. But it sounds like you are talking TOO much. Start a conversation, get their phone number and walk away. Call or text them (calling is more confident btw) 5-9 days later. Don't bring up sex but also don't be afraid to put your hand on her back (lightly) when you walk her through the door. Look at her lips more. Make eye contact. Joke with her. ASK her if she wouldn't mind being kissed.

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