Should I lie about my job?

I’ve been trying online dating apps and it has not been going well. Over the course of a normal conversation with most men, doing the “getting to know you” thing they ask about college/job and I will tell them that I have a graduate degree and work in a tech related field. And then I never hear from them again.

I had one guy flat out tell me that I’m intimidating because of my career, education and confidence. I’ve started downplaying what I do and my education because of all this and I don’t feel confident.

I don’t know what, if anything, I can do. Any advice?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • To thine own self be true.
    Downplaying your accomplishments is going to get you where you want to be. You can't attract a man who wants those characteristics in a woman, and the kind of men who are intimidated by an accomplished woman won't likely make you happy. Even if they could, you'd most likely end up resenting them for the choices you made.
    Be proud of what you've accomplished, be true to who you are and have faith that a man who appreciates you just the way you are will surface.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This makes me really sad. You would think they would be happy to meet someone who has a job and a degree (because those are things you had to work really hard for, shows your dedication!).

    As tempting as it would be to lie about your occupation and education, you need to be truthful. Eventually they will figure out what you really do and then what?

    Hold out for a guy who is going to be comfortable with who you are and what you do for a living. The guys who are not comfortable with that are not worth your time. Trust me!

    I know that seems like cliche advice, but at the end of the day you want someone who is not going to be intimidated by you.

    The people who are intimidated are for a reason. They feel they don't have enough to bring to the table to keep you interested. So they fear you will get bored of them and leave. Or maybe they will be insecure and cheat. Or maybe just be insecure and make the relationship really uncomfortable.

    The best thing to do is hold out for a guy who isn't going to be intimidated by you. Never dull your shine to get someone to like you. It almost always backfires.

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What Guys Said 15

  • Oh my god... You are going to find three types of men: 60% will fawn over you no matter what you do, like most of the comments you see here. 37% are going to be insecure and find you intimidating. Only 3% are going to be comfortable enough with themselves to be able to let your job not bother them without tripping over themselves to tell you anything they think you want to hear. It's a big haystack. Keep searching for your needle.

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    • I don’t think they are fawning. They are, mostly, being very sweet and supportive. And I appreciate that they took the time.

      I’m allergic to hay. JS.

    • No dear, that's called fawning. They are hoping you will give them the time of day. You may end up dating one of these men, but I promise you will soon lose interest after you realize you are the one leading the relationship. Insecurity may tell you that you need someone to follow you around and tell you how petty you are, but when you have entered into that relationship your insecurities will eventually boil away, leaving you hungry for a man that is going to make you feel like a woman rather than an idol to be worshipped. That's not meant to sound sexist, but I'm going to put it to you that your actual needs are much more complex than I can describe in a chat box; so it can only be described as such.

  • You never want to hide your true self to gain attention from anyone. If you had to do that to get them to look at you or be confortable with you then once you got them i think you would find yourself with an egotistic low life that your going to regret being with. I think its awsome that you have educated yourself and can do for yourself without having to depend on someone else. I wish i could find a woman that was on the same level intelectually with me and had goals in life and wanted nice things and didn't care to get out there and get it. And with a partner that can help you get there. Thats awsome. All i can find us woman that won't work and want me to take care of them. Which to a pointe is ok but when im putting 200% in and getting farther behind something is wrong. I dont know what you do but im sure its exciting and im proud for you. Never bring yourself down to anybodys level. You worked hard ti acheive your standing and your position in this life. Dont ever let that go for some under achievers attention. I've done it and i am tired if doing it myself.

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    • That’s a little funny to me, because most of the men I meet seem to prefer women with no job aspirations to speak of and who mostly want them for their wallets.

      I haven’t lied about my job yet, but being told I’m intimidating because I can take care of myself and my child without help is getting old.

    • Show All
    • I work in web design right now.

    • That is a very good profession from what i hear. As long as people dont flood the workforce with up and coming designers. But thats any profession. Ill have to tell you. I have attempted to make my own web page several times and have always gotten frustrated and just giving up. I come up with ideas and inventions all the time that i always think will be the million dollar idea and i just can never get the web to work with me. Lol. But laying all jokes aside. I actually seen a product that i designed 8 years ago just a couple weeks ago on the web. I actually had a prototype i made and the nine yards. Just never had it patented. Still was pretty neat to see it even though it wasn't credited to me. I give you credit that is a complex goal you went after and acheived. I say congratulations and im sure your shooting way past that already just by enthusiasm i get from your words.

  • Don't worry about this, you would not be happy with those guys if you were dating them. Finding a good match online at your age can take a while but don't give up. There is a guy out there just as accomplished as you are who will be thrilled to meet you. I was dating online looking for intellectual types and even in a large metro area there was only about one new person per month.

    Where are you? You may have to widen your search to include distant cities. There is a surplus of single guys in Seattle and the San Francisco area.

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    • Wrong coast :)

      And I did limit distance. Moving isn’t an option for me.

    • Be patient. You are searching the shallow end of the gene pool. It make take some time, but lying won't help. It may start more conversations, but I expect you will find the conversation tedious pretty quickly.

  • Hell No. Never lrsson yourself for the sake of another. Be confident and intelligent. Be proud of your degree ou worked hard for. If they can't hadfle your success then there is no way in hell they can handle your failures. You deserve more than settling. Even I would be a better man than what you discribe. Love yourself and others will love who you are.

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  • Km gonna say honesty is the best policy but i jave never actually lied in an application so i dont know however the true experience you have is only5 or 6 degrees away from the experiences you can see yourself having also thanks for posing tje question about dating at my age

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  • Keep being honest. Find someone that will accept that and accept the real you. Like, reading this, I didn't think anything of it other than "cool". I don't understand why any guy would be "intimidated" about that? But also, it's going to come out eventually anyway, even if you lye at first. Then the bigger issue will be that you lied to him! He'll wonder what else you're lying about? Be proud of it and confident. Think of it as a good thing! It's helping you narrow down your search for a "good guy" that will accept you for you and let you be you.

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  • I would love to talk to you lol. I love talking to people who can stimulate my mind. I imagine it can be intimidating but since its dating apps we are talking about, most of the guys on there are just looking for a quick and easy hookup with no strings. The fact that you dont sound 'easy' and also that they couldnt use cheesy lines with any success would probably be a major part of the issue you are facing. The mentality of a lot of guys is that dating apps are places to meet people for sex. If they have to work for it then its not worth the hassle. Be true to yourself and be proud of what you have accomplished. You shouldn't have to downplay your achievements just to make someone feel better. Flip side though, dont brag and throw it in their face either cos that will go down like a lead balloon.

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  • Do what you have to do to get a boyfriend. Boys don't care about your lie if he knows that you love him heartfully

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  • I wouldn't lie about it but when they ask you about it just say you work for a tech company and don't say anything more

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  • No. He will find out eventually and then not only did you lie but you will look like a fool. Dating apps are dumb

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    • They are dumb. But better then nothing? Maybe?

      I don’t really want to lie...

    • Remember that if someone doesn't appreciate you for what you are, they don't deserve you

  • Wow. Usually it's the opposite problem that is usually the issue.

    The reality is that North American men are intimidated with a highly educated woman holding a respectable position, due to the advent and push for women's ad lib and feminism in modern day society. Men, upon hearing that you are of such a relatively high social standing, immediately realize that the possibility exists that they will essentially be given a second priority and are not able to stand up to the challenge.

    Solution: find someone who possesses equal or higher social status or just not reveal anything about what you do until your gut tells you that the guy likes you, for you; irregardless of what you do for a living.

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  • I feel your trying to hard jobs arrent important. X

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  • Lol no need to lie about Ur job. U are perfect.

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    • And you are very sweet. Thank you.

    • Remember... sometimes guys don't feel comfortable with higher educated n good job girls bkoz they can't control her. Lol just stay as what u are. Whatever belongs to u comes to u. 😘

  • Always be truthful

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  • Date me.

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What Girls Said 7

  • NEVER EVER lie about what you do!! Nor your education!! You're successful and you paid hard to be!! Why would you even want a man that's intimidated by you!!! (Unless that's a kink you have but that's totally up to you) 😂 try meeting someone in your field that will understand your status. Or perhaps write it in your bio of whatever app you're using, perhaps you'll be able to match with people who are already aware of your job and education.

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  • If someone likes you they're going to like all of you. If they don't then that's their problem and they're a jerk. Don't lie to try and and get someone to talk to you because it will backfire on you and then you'll have an even bigger problem.

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  • They are not the type of guy you should have in your life. Be proud and confident of what you have accomplished the right guy will come along.

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  • Starting a relationship on a lie is just setting it up for failure.

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  • Don't ever lie about or be regretful for being successful. The right man will love that about you the most.

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  • no dont

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  • Don't lie.

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