I have a boyfriend but I like someone else, what should I do?

I'm 16 and i have a boyfriend, let's call him 'A'. So we've been together since a little over a year now and i like him a lot. He's got a really nice personality and treats me very well. Since the past 2-3 months though, we haven't talked properly. Neither on call or on texts. He doesn't come to meet me either. He joined this sport academy because he likes the sport and is VERY busy lately. Says he gotta handle studies, and sports so is very busy and so he doesn't have any time for me. I feel left out. There's this guy friend of mine, say 'B'. Now B is a very nice person too. We've been friends since a month now and i just recently realized i like him. We text constantly, he helps out with my studies A LOT and is always there to support me if i need anything. So I've been feeling really confused and frustrated lately because of the two of them. Finally a few days ago I told B i like him. He was pretty chill about it and we act normal. But since then he's started flirting with me a lot and i reciprocate. I haven't told A about it all. I do feel really guilty i feel as though im cheating But i think it was A's fault to have completely avoided me in the first place. So, this was basically a rant kind of thing but please give me suggestions if you guys have any. Thanks for reading.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have 3 options. Well ok 4 but one will only end poorly.

    1 dump a and date b. Be nice about it though.

    2 stay with a and be friends with b

    3 drop the idea of an open relationship with them because (imo) monogamy is for suckers

    4 (not recommended) stay with a but sleep with b and don't tell a monogamy is for suckers but open relationships must be agreed upon else it's dishonest and I would consider this cheating

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    • I'm thinking either 1 or 2. I don't know I'm thinking 1. Nope I'm not considering 3 or 4. Thank you ❤️

    • You are welcome.

Most Helpful Girl

  • hmm, I feel like deep down, you've already come up with an answer. I may be wrong, but I feel like you are more drawn towards B at this point. You see, sometimes we like to hear other people's opinions just to make sure what we're about to do is "correct". I think you should decide based on why you feel the feelings towards A & B. Remind yourself of the reason you started dating A. You liked him a lot, right? A year is a pretty long relationship for people our age. Maybe have a conversation with him to see if he's actually that busy, or if he's just actively avoiding you (but I don't think he is). Don't ask directly if he's avoiding you, because that could lead to an argument, but actually take time to see what's going on. If a guy was genuinely busy, I think it would break his heart that his girlfriend wanted to be with another guy. But I understand that you may feel neglected. However, when we both grow up, relationships will be like this too. Our partners will get busy, or leave for a trip or something. However, we can find something else to do to keep us busy. Many people out in the world are having long distance relationships, and they can make it work because they love each other. What if you were busy, and your partner broke up with you for another girl? We're 16, so I don't things have gotten to the point where they're that serious, but understand this will happen again in the future. Maybe you should confront B as well, and see if he actually likes you, just because a guy is flirting with you more, it doesn't mean he actually likes you. Going off of what you had said, it doesn't seem that B said he liked you back. Is that correct? Do you actually like B? or is it because he spends more time with you? Is there a part of you that just wants to make A upset that he lost you? I know you don't want to be asked more questions at this point, but it's important to realize what you want from your relationships. I don't think you should break up with A just because you want to be with B. Because if it turns out to be a mistake, you can't fix it. However, if it really makes you feel left out to be with A, I think you should tell him that you feel like you're being neglected. If you really can't work around it, then maybe you should break up, it's not fair to both of you to be together and not be happy. Don't take things too personal, this is just my opinion, but I think you should keep these questions in mind

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    • Thanks for actually taking the time out and typing so much. Nope, B doesn't like me back. And yeah, I talked to A about it today. We're good now. Well not really good, but still. I apologized to him and he's forgiven me. We're all human after all, i mean, there were quite a few on here that called me a whore but, i just feel this was human tendency. Desiring attention and moral support. I mean, it was pretty bad when I needed some support he texted with an 'I'm busy'. Of course i should've understood his situation but that's what I'd been doing for 2 months and finally thought i needed to break the silence. Thanks so much again though.

    • I'm glad you guys have worked it all out, that's good to hear! :) I'm glad you took time out of your day to read my paragraph!! Have a wonderful day!!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 30

  • Let me get this straight it's A's fault that you're cheating. 😂 Yeah I'm sure it is. What you're doing is not right and you should end things before you hurt your boyfriend. It is completely your fault that your chest and saying otherwise makes you very a selfish and self-centered person.

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    • You're cheating *

    • Yeah i understand that. I'm wrong ik. But I don't think I'm CHEATING. I think he's avoiding me, i should've been supporting him but he seems very less interested in me and my life. Hell, he didn't even care to ask why i was feeling low the other day although i made it pretty obvious i was low. Reason why I don't think I'm cheating is because I'm not dating B and I plan on telling A about this next week.

    • Telling a guy you're emotionally attached to him and flirting with him behind your boyfriends back is cheating my dear. It's emotionally cheating, but it's still cheating.

  • If you're not so keen on A anymore and want to give it a try with B then go ahead and do it.

    What's NOT ok is overlapping your boyfriends to hedge your bets. It's a deceitful and dishonourable way to treat your partners.

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    • I'm planning on telling A about this asap. I don't wanna keep him in darkness. Your opinion was way polite than a few others on here. Thanks much!

    • Tbh sweety, my reply was just a polite way of saying you're acting like a ho.

    • You do know you could've been straightforward about that, don't you 🙃

  • Removing "the guilt" should be ur first priority! u have to confront A , he might be a very good person & his reasons do sound valid to me ( but he might have... lets say "taken u for granted") , so face him as he is ur boyfriend & be chill with B don't hype him up. If u want to get with B , better end things with A (he might move on quickly... cuz of his busy schedule 😂)

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    • Ik his reasons sound VALID. But he had some free time yesterday, asked him if he wanted to hang out, he made up some excuse. The other day i thought I'd walk with him to his sport academy so i asked him to get ready a little earlier, he didn't, i was waiting for him, but he comes late and tells me he overslept in the afternoon. This happened twice. It was always i who kept calling. He doesn't seem to make an effot anymore, this sucks.

    • confront him, be blunt... its okay... 5 min speech is all u need better than misery & guilt! ( i would like to add on that, don't get too much attached with B, because at this age commitment & relationship are big words) & its likely that B will start carrying same attitude as A - Beware

  • Typical for a woman to feel guilty about her own actions, and then find someway to blame it on a man.

    A wise man once told me "if you have to ask yourself if what you're doing is bad, it probably is."

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    • If you want to leave A then leave A.
      But holding on to A until your sure B will take you, is cruel as fuck.
      Chose one.

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    • I'm not saying you shouldn't leave him, I just want you to think about why.
      Is it really because your unhappy with your relationship with him?
      Or is it because the grass is greener on the other side of the fence?
      If you're genuinely unhappy, let him know.
      Tell him you're feeling left out of his life.

      And give him a chance to make it right before you leave him.

    • Yeah thanks!

  • I would recommend talking with A and see his current status with you he may have lost intrest or he just got way to busy the best thing in any relationship is communication and honesty talk with him and if he's not really intrested anymore break up and then you won't feel guilty flirting with B and possibly a relationship with him

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  • Your 16 do not tie yourself to all this undue stress. If your not happy with A roll on. Regardless if there is a B. Since there is go with B live yo u life girl there will be plenty of relationship stresses in life don't start now.

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  • You don't love A at all, if you had you would never think about B, accept it that love is not easy and sometimes you have to be away from your love, Sometimes you can not talk to your love for a while, Your love to A was not real and strong because it is vanishing just because of some distance.

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  • U know what u should talk to A and finish this... don't be offended but becuae of girls like u I never tried to had a girlfriend... Actually u should support him (A)... This is what real relationship should be... Not to get clingy but respect each other's work , goals and provide personal space...

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  • You're 16 you shouldn't have a boyfriend. Your guy realised that and is now building his life which is respected. Same should you, don't worry about a relationship you're not getting married anyways right? Focus on yourself with all the time and energy you spend on a relationship. You will be old enough to understand how to handle a relationship and what a relationship is.

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  • suppose in future B will also gets busy in something and unable to give time to u. Then what u will do. Will you find C. It will go on.
    Before engaging with B u should have talk to A about it. If it's not working then only u should have make decision for move on.

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    • I already talked to A about this like 3 times before but he doesn't care

    • Then u make a right decision. Don't feel guilty if he doesn't care then y should u

  • it is cheating, and if you felt that way you should have broken up, if A is busy with school and don't have a lot of free time, as his girlfriend you should respect that, if you can't handle it, break up with him, instead of cheating on him

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  • Break up with Mr A and tell him why. Sounds like Mr B is doing Mr A job. It's important that you make it CLEAR why you breaking up. On a personal note I think Mr A might have found Mrs B, just like you found Mr B. But that's just my opinion

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  • And it was your fault you were mistreated but did not end that intimacy before starting up with someone else. It's not confusing at all, leave

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    • Not even necessarily mistreated just because you have less contact for a couple months doesn't mean she's being "mistreated". Sports plus school is a big investment of time especially if you want to do both well.

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    • In other words not a big deal, yes I know. Commitment takes just as much work as anything else, so yes, a few months creeping does matter, hell even active military can call home

    • Ikr? A little attention from his side is what i would want but anyways, i feel avoided and neglected despite the fact that i told him i feel that way. So i think I'll be leaving A.

  • B knows you're willing to cheat. So honestly, if B is smart he shouldn't like you.

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  • i don't see it's A's fault your cheating. you should feel guilty.

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  • fuck the life out of the person! Still feeling the same? Marry the person! :-)

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  • tell "A" whats going on and break up with him.
    otherwise its all your fault

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  • Fuck you

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    • ''Oh, I'm emotionally cheating on A, but I think it's his fault for joining a sports academy and him handling his studies so he can develop himself''

  • What a whore !!!

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  • Break up lol.

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What Girls Said 8

  • date the person who will add something to your life not detract from it. Person A seems to make you feel neglected, and person b makes you feel appreciated. break up with person A, and you can choose to tell him if you're picking person b over him (although i personally would refrain from it). Keep things simple, and life will be much more enjoyable.

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  • You're 16!
    If you don't love your boyfriend or you have feelings for someone else you owe it to yourself to explore it now - if you don't you'll regret it later and possibly reproach him later on.

    Just break up with him and go for a new experience because you're only 16, for God sakes! If you're thinking of getting tied down now you'll hate your decisions later on.

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    • Ikr? Exactly what I'd been thinking! But uhmm, I really like A so.. That'd be difficult for me. Anyways, things are good now, Thank you

    • No problem, just make sure you do what's best for you while being respectful to all sides.

  • listen girl you're 16, you really don't need a relationship cause teens have fickle emotions. one minute you like someone the next you're dating someone else after breaking up with your ex 3 days ago. Just break up with the boy and focus on school instead boys.

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  • You should talk to your boyfriend. Maybe he doesn't realize that he spends way too little time with you. Don't flirt with another guy before you give your boyfriend a chance to make it up to you, everybody makes mistakes.

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  • You can't like two guys at once! It just won't work out. Unfortunately you will need to break it off with one of them (only you can decide which one). The sooner you break up the less-messy/less-guilty you will feel. Best of luck to you. <3

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  • End things with A. If you want more attention and can't be understanding of his situation, then there is no point in staying in the relationship.

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  • If you have feelings for someone else then just break up.

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  • It depends on what you want from the relationship. If you really want someone who can spend most of his time with you, then go with B.

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