In an argument, who should apologise first?

When both sides said things that were bad to each other, but the boyfriend thinks he was completely right with what he said at his girlfriend, even though it hurts and disrespects her, yet she is able to admit she shouldn’t have said certain things. The boyfriend still won’t come to the middle because he thinks he wasn’t the one that started it, yet he was the one that added fuel to the fire by criticising and just stating “facts”, even if the girlfriend doesn’t believe in those facts.

Do you believe in equal apologies or that just because the boyfriend thinks he’s completely right, means that he doesn’t even need to apologise to the gf? How would you solve an argument? Is it fair to push the blame on the person that started the fight?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't force someone else to apologise. If they want to, they will - and we're all too stubborn at times to do that.

    However if you apologise, even if you don't feel it's really you're fault that much, it can be VERY powerful. I know when people have apologised to me - when I don't think they really have to - it takes the wind out of my sails, I can't continue to be mad after that.
    Forgiveness is powerful too - along with humility, but you can only do these things yourself no-one can force them on to you or anyone else.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Solid relationships have no room for ego. If you’re sorry then say it, as it’s not always about being right but calming down enough to put blame to the side and discuss the issue retrospectively. Even if he feels completely in the right it’s more productive to talk about how the issue made you both feel and what can be done to prevent it rather than getting someone to admit fault.
    He thinks he’s right. Ok. But you can still tell him the situation made you feel xxx and what can you both do to stop it happening again

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What Guys Said 22

  • If you are concerned about being right or being "in the right" in a relationship, you have more to learn. Each person should apologize as soon as they realize that they have something about which they should apologize.

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    • Yeah. I agree I have a lot to learn. I will not understand these things any time soon. I care more about ego and being right then the person in front of me who I'm hurting or myself.

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    • It's also very hard to deal with the cognitive dissonance. You know you're right but you feel like you're being force to be accept something that isn't true. I heard however it's not that hard to get into if you detach yourself from the situation and just let them win but you know that they're just being difficult any ways but you do it for you.

    • @Caaarl Yes, that is one strategy for adapting.

  • If no one apologizes first, no one ever will. But one person cannot apologize for both sides of the argument. Apologize for your part. Agree to disagree. Tell him you need him to apologize for hurting you. If he won't apologize then tell him to call you back when he grows up or not at all (your choice) and walk away.

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  • I actually don't believe in arguments. They are destructive. I will stand up for what I believe in and conceed anything that doesn't matter. Relationships are a team sport. You will always do better when you give your partner/teammate everything they need. By supporting their position you are strengthening your position since you are both working together. Sorry, I answered a question which avoids asking yours.

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  • It shouldn't be about who apologizes first it should be about how sincere the apology is. And it may not be expressed in words some people are just like that. Personally I'd apologize at the earliest opportunity but that's me and I'm the stereotypical Canadian who'll instinctively apologize for everything even when not necessary it's a pretty accurate stereotype in some places here

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  • I wish people would logically go through and find out who's actually right but emotions always get in the way. If you're so focused on a power struggle that you're not willing to compromise for your relationship that's not a good sign. Same goes for him.

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  • If you were wrong and you want to maintain the relationship, apologize. Same goes for him. If you started some shit that didn't need to be started, and it was reaction to it that you don't like, that's on you. That said, if you can't stop yourself from starting shit and he can't not react badly, end it now. That type of behavior is toxic to a relationship and if you don't invest time & energy into learning to talk and even argue in a healthy, respectful way then your relationship is doomed.

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  • When your trying to settle a fight you don't want to push blame to anybody I personally think that both should apologize because of whatever the girl did was wrong in his eyes but also with him still adding facts aka fuel to the fire that's not right and she deserves an apology too but your question originally was how long she should wait I say about 3 days

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  • The person who starts the fight should apologize first. Then, both sides should apologize for the hurtful things they said during the fight.

    Regarding the facts that the girlfriend doesn't believe; the beauty of facts is that believing isn't important. Either the fact can be verified or it can't. A bank robber has no right to be mad when someone calls them a bank robber.

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  • What you're really saying here is that you think you're right, your boyfriend is wrong, he should apologise, and you want us to validate that.

    However, I bet if your boyfriend told HIS side of the story, it would sound different.

    Remember, there are three sides to every argument - your side, his side, and the truth.

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  • If you hit me with a stick and expect me to apologize , I think I may gift you with a base ball bat for Christmas's , "facts " are important if they are correct or true, if not might be just a means to influence and control the direction of the relationship , if he is wrong and still refuse to apologize , just give it time , his brain might be too slow to understand what he says

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  • In this case he would need to apologise as well. . Being right doesn't make you a God. . Always try and talk , always remember that if you can't take the bad moments then don't make it worse, just find yourself a "perfect" girl. . ( if you can 😂)

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  • Fault has no gender. But reveals character.. the best person is he who admits to his faults and is quick to realize mistakes, amend them after an apology.

    Only fools hold on to pride and vanity..

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  • Apologizing and learning from saying hateful or disrespectful thing things should be quick. You should not apologize for opinion.

    Are they facts or. opinions?

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    • They are more of his opinion on me and how he thinks I make excuses and don’t listen to him (which I personally don’t think I am). A lot of disrespect/hurtful things were said from his end and I just sat there listening to it and crying and reacting emotionally and him telling me to stop being so emotional and be logical when arguing. I already apologised for starting the argument, but he just fuelled it a lot with commentary on me and I reacted to his comments with emotion as girls do. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong because they are ‘facts’ and thinks I owe him an apology.

    • I suggested to meet half way because we both said bad things, thinking he would agree for the sake of the relationship and him seemingly wants to move past this, but he straight out says ‘no, there’s no need to meet half way because you caused it all and you should be the one apologising’. So I don’t know what to do because I’m not the grovelling type and actually would rather leave.

    • Honestly he should apoligize

  • I think its not about how started the fight or how fueld it. It is about if you want to be with that person anymore and if you want the argument to be the last thing you said to each other

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  • It doesn't matter who apologizes first. What matters is that both of you apology when you've clearly done something worthy of apology.

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  • If they are facts then not believing just makes her stupid. In this situation (and most of them) both sides should apologize.

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  • Both should, feelings could get hurt no matter what

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  • Both should, feelings could get hurt no matter what

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  • The boy should b the first, latter the girl will notice her mistake

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  • You !!! women always should apologize

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well when you are a mature adult, you can just suck it up and be the first one to apologize. If what you were fighting about won't matter in five years, it probably doesn't actually matter that much. Just accept the fact that the two of you disagree on this and since you cannot talk about it like normal adults and you have to resort to fighting and complaining on a public forum about who was wrong and who should apologize. Unless whatever you were fighting about was such a big deal that you think you should break up because of it, because if it was you should just do that.

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  • well it depends on the person, like my husbands, you can slap him, stab him, crash the car, no problem, but God forbid if you put the spoon in the wrong drawer or forget to take the receipt form the shop. you don't want to know. So it depends form person to person, like in my house i apologies first even if he is wrong, because when he realizes that he was wrong, he starts to guilt trip himself and treats me like a queen, like watch the dishes or make dinner, and if its something rely bad, then I can even negotiate, like i will forgive you if you buy me a dress and take me on a date, and make me food.

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    • So you slap and hit your husband

    • @alexei1000 NO, Hell no, what I mean is that he will not get mad at big things, but will get frustrated at the smallest things.

  • Whoever is wrongful.

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