How to make a friends with benefits your bf?

I’ve been with this guy for 4 months, normal dating for the first month (movie, dinner etc) then just got physical from the 2nd month. He’s super nice, very relaxed, basically we get on well, no argument at all (as most of the time he just lets me do whatever i want). We do most of the stuff that couples do, go out with friends or stay in with him making dinner and watch netflix. He introduced me to his close friends, asked me to come see him at his work. He’s not scared of PDAs, often hugs and kisses me in public. He would come to spend the night even if it’s the time of the month. We went on holidays a few times during weekends (drived to the countryside etc) and even planned for Christmas dinner at his place with his friends, then a trip overseas next month. Since we spend like 5 days out of 7 together, And he messages me a lot if he doesn’t see me, it seems like a relationship to me but there’s no label on it. I don’t ask either because it might just ruin everything. We have stuff at each other’s places (clothes and some basic stuff to use if we sleep over), he even got the key to my place because it’s easier since he finishes work earlier than i do.

Another problem is that I’m moving abroad end of next year, he knew and even joked that he would hide in my suitcase to come with me. I would like to know if it’s possible to make “this” more than just a friends with benefits arrangement, and hopefully make him move with me... a lot to ask ofc. Thanks for reading. And hopefully I can get some good advice. Peace!
Updates:
Thank you all for your advice. Most people suggested I should talk to him directly and see how he would react. I have decided to not mention it at all and try to enjoy what we have while it lasts. I'm worried if I tell him how i feel and let him know I want more, he would be scared and eventually I would be the one ruins everything. Your advice are much appreciated, great community as always ;)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's already a relationship. Stop worrying about labels. If you're happy together, keep doing whatever you're doing. Also, ask him to go with you. Tell him he doesn't need to hide in your suitcase, you'll get him a dog carrier for the cargo hold. Or tell him you've got to go, but you don't want to be anywhere he's not. Or just buy him a seat right next to yours on the plane, train or boat and see how well he takes a hint. Whatever you do, don't spoil an obviously good thing by being preoccupied with labels. I'd kill to have what you've got, no matter what you call it.

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    • Haha, the dog carrier idea is funny. Labels are important in a way, i don’t feel like i have the right to ask such a big question (move abroad) if he doesn’t see me more than just a friends with benefits. I was planning to move in April but kept pushing the dates because of him (he doesn’t know it as I told him other excuses like work commitment and all). It would be a big move since he’s a business operating here and I move across the globe (Vietnam to Canada). Is there anyway I can push for him to express his feelings for me (like gf-possible option)? ☺️

    • He already has. Actions speak louder than words. Labels are not important, in any way. All that matters is how you make each other feel. If you're happy, tell him that and make sure he knows HE is a big part of the reason you're happy and you don't want that to end. If he has to give up a successful business to follow you around the world, that's a tough choice for sure. But if he's in love, and I'm pretty sure he is, he knows he can start another business wherever you end up, but there's only one you. Maybe he can even promote someone he trusts to run his current business locally while he manages the technicals online or something. Either way, you gotta tell him you want to be with him and try to make it work.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Just enjoy it until you have to move away. If he doesn't want more then fwb"s then you might have to leave him and date somebody else.

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    • Yes, i decided to do that :), gonna be hard when I have to move tho.

    • Yes it will be hard when you have to move. When you get attached to somebody it's always hard to say goodbye. But you can always go on dates when your ready once you move and get to know the new area.

  • *captain hindsight comes flying to the rescue*: you should not have made them friends with benefits to begin with.

    chances are you are friends with benefits for a reason... so you falling for them would ruin it. there is a chance of him being open for it. the only way you can find out is by bringing it up and asking them.

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    • No other way to make him express it himself without me asking directly? 😱

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    • I have no right to ask him such a big question (move with me) if we are just purely friends with benefits.

    • Yeah ok then you won't get around bringing it up. Good luck for you.

  • You can't make him move if he doesn't want too. Sadly unless you get him to marry you by the end of this year. It's the end of a good thing. You can sit down and have a heart felt conversation with him and lay it all down at his feet and see what his thoughts and plans are,.. who knows, he might actually want too... Good luck. Hope it all works out.

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  • Just be direct and honest. Tell him there's something you need to discuss with him, that you've developed feelings, and if he's interested, you'd like to be more serious and how does he feel about that?

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  • Hi! I love that you and him are working out and it sounds like you found yourself an absolute sweet heart. But tbh if things only just got physical the second month in then that's not right... It's either you two are both shy or you guys haven't fully opened up to each other... If that is your man, you have to let him know that your body is available to him at all times... It's as simple as that... He will learn and adapt to appreciate you more because let's face it, guys are just super horny XD... My girlfriend and I had sex with in the first month and got really physical around the second or third week... But that's only because she told me that I have permission to touch her... You have to give your man your "okay" to do stuff...

    Second, although you're in love... You have to wait until at least a year or two before you give a man a key to your home... But I understand because I would've done the same thing if I had a home and my girlfriend wanted to stay with me...

    So tbh the best bet to get him to move with you is to open up as much as you can to your partner... Let him know you're available whenever he needs you... And at that point he'll realize how much he really needs and loves you and maybe he'll consider going with you...

    It all takes time... Hope this helped!

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    • The physical stuff didn't happen until the second month because he was shy. I was ok to wait but then he was super polite and didn’t make any obvious move, got to the point where i had to ask whether he liked me or not, lol. The key was because i went on a business trip and he said he could feed my cat 🐱, then tried to avoid giving it back so I let him keep it. I’m very open to him, and he’s to me (we discussed most personal stuff as we hung out). But asking him to move is a big question and I’m not sure he’s seeing me as a “gf” yet.

  • Go with the flow. . By the time you need to go. . You will realise what he wants about the situation. . So , you will understand what he feels. . Obviously you don't know what to stand for. . Still , if there's feelings, it will be hard for both to be apart
    .. if there's no feelings it will be just a cold goodbye as the snow outside. . Good luck

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  • The big issue is the moving abroad. Talk to him about that. Tell him that you do not see whatever you have ending in a years time, and therefore you both need to start talking about how you can change things to get able to stay together.
    Be aware that he might see the fact that you will be going away as guaranteeing him a regular sex arrangement that does not get messy as it has a fix sell by date.

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    • That would be a big talk... i’m a bit scared to bring that matter up since it could be true that he just wants a friends with benefits arrangement with no drama at the end as I would move overseas. How can i know if it’s not the case?

    • You only know by talking about it. You do not have to do the she thing in one go. Just gently introduce the issues over time. Build trust that you Dan discuss such things with open minds and no one freaking out. Make sure that you emphasis that you are happy with the current arrangement. Tell him what you are willing to do without making demands of him.

  • Have you guys talked about getting marryed? I mean sounds like your doing everything marryed people do anyways and at least taking about it will show how serious you are its a good way to see us guys true intentions

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    • Noo haha, I have only been hanging out with him for 4 months, there's not a label on this relationship yet.

    • O. Well putting or asking for a label wouldn't be a bad thing

  • You need to have that talk and stop not doing it because your worried about rejection.

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    • Rejection can be painful though, I wouldn't want to lose what we are having now.

  • It sounds like y'all are already boyfriend and girlfriend to me even though no label has been added to it maybe just ask him over dinner saying you know you could come with me when I move if you want to

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    • If he says no, it would be super awkward 😩

    • Don't let him say no make him think of all the advantages and tell him you don't need an answer that day but you would like him to think about it for a while

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