My mom hates my boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and three months. He is my first and I love him to death. I know that makes me sound like a little girl, but there are no significant issues in our relationship. We respect our differences, handle disagreements responsibly, and we are honest with each other. There is only one problem... my mother.
Growing up, my family was always super close. However, my siblings and I are growing up, and naturally we have drifted. My brother and I are in college and my sister is a teenager who wants to"find herself". I think this growth is normal, but the rest of my family doesn't seem to think so. This has caused the home environment to become rather toxic. I love my family, but that includes my boyfriend. I'm having a difficult time balancing this.
My mom passes many harsh judgements on my boyfriend without knowing him all that well (saying he's snobby, we won't get along because he's agnostic and an only child, he's arrogant, etc.). Recently, she went through my things and found a private note that he wrote to me saying something negative about her. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong and ignored me for days until I deduced what had happened. It looks like we are gonna have it out tomorrow and I don't know what to do. She thinks this proves that he's bad for me and she wants him gone. I'm not sure if he was justified, but he's entitled to his opinion and I love him. I don't want my life to be ruled by her, but I want to reconcile this and have a good relationship with her again! I don't know how to defend him when she is basing this off of such little information. I'm really scared.
Updates:
Update: My mom got home and we talked it out. She said a lot of harsh things but ultimately brought up some good points. She said he was ungrateful to her. She will not tell me to break up with him but she said she would be upset if I stayed with him. He is no longer allowed in my house. I think this is overkill for a small comment he made in a note she wasn't even supposed to see but I can't challenge her on this. I feel like complete shit.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, he shouldn't be saying anything bad about your family, regardless if he doesn't like them. He needs to respect your mom because well she's your mother. Don't "have it out" with her, instead he should apologize for saying whatever he said. Of course she's not going to like him if your mother doesn't get to know him. That makes him look and makes her feel like he is too good for your family. The sibling thing, that's normal to drift apart.

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    • Thanks for your opinion. Just to clarify, I can't avoid the argument. She's pissed and she's ready to fight. I don't want to deal with it, but I have no other choice.

    • I'm glad things didn't go as you thought they were going to.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl same ! Just have to deal with it

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What Guys Said 2

  • If she can't handle a negative opinion from someone she already has a tremendous issue with I would think she is not very stable.
    You're in college, if not already then soon to be a full fledged adult and if she won't let you grow into yourself in her house that will just disadvantage you when you inevitably leave. If she won't bend on him, you should change the subject to how long you have before you have to move out.

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  • Let me tell you something that I've learned about dealing with women, not only as a man, but also by growing up in a dysfunctional home. WHEN DEALING WITH WOMEN IF THEY FEEL THAT YOU ARE GUILTY, YOU WILL BE UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE THAT YOU AREN'T. She doesn't care that she doesn't know your boyfriend very well; she has already decided that he is bad for you.

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    • Damn... then how do I prove that he's a good man? I mean, the note wasn't even about her. She was just mentioned.

    • Suggest that he bring over something that she really enjoys, or have him help make her favorite meal one night.

    • Thanks :)

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