My boyfriend says that he does not want to get married... Then why does he keep talking about marriage and kids with me?

My boyfriend is 4 years older than me. He is in med school while I am preparing for law school, so we both have a lot going on and do not plan to "settle down" anytime soon.
One night, he told me that he is not even thinking about marriage, and it is a goal that is too far away for him right now.
Later that night, we went grocery shopping and he started taking me to the toys section and joked that "Our future kids would love this." When we were picking fruit, he joked around and said, "We need to bring some home for the kids."
This confused me a lot. Why did he make jokes about our supposed "future kids"? Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It could be his way of doing "damage control". Like he just blurted out that he is not thinking of marriage. Any rational person would think "then where are we going?".

    He must have realised you would also feel the same way, and tried to give hints that he didn't mean he would never get married.

    Guys generally have short term goals in mind. Specially if we are not financially stable enough. Not all, but most guys would first think about their means to support a family, before trying to have one.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Right now he’s not ready for marriage or kids. You said he was in med school right? Live a little with him. He knows where he wants to be his conversation keeps you in his future. He doesn’t see life without you. But he’s also telling you kids aren’t his focus right now. He wants to build his career and that understandable. Talk to him and ask him to make things clear for you. Ask him when is a good time to talk about family?

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What Guys Said 4

  • I believe that he is not ready right now (I would ignored the joke) and according to how you both are going, it is probably best that you both finished your education first in then talk about it after you both accomplish your goals (or close to your goals) because Med and Law school are a major challenge. It sounds like you both have a great relationship and the keys is stay focus.

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  • He's probably waiting until after you both have finished college so you have financial security before planning a big wedding or having kids. It's not that he doesn't love you he most likely doesn't want to raise kids when he doesn't have enough money to support them

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  • It's obviously in his mind but he values you guys being in a place where you. can focus on kids. It probably won't be for 5 years but he's thinking about it in advance which is good.

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  • Dunn kno

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What Girls Said 5

  • He wants to do that with you but now isn't the time. You're both busy and as you said 'not ready to settle down' yet.

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  • Children don't have anything to do with marriage. Maybe he doesn't want to get married anytime soon, but can see himself having children with you?

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  • Your boyfriend is really confusing. Tbh it seems like he's unsure about what he really wants.

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  • Because he don't want to leave u... he loves you too much

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  • It is just a joke.

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