I was cheated on in every relationship I've had and now I have an awful urge to not take future things seriously if im seeing someone and act single?

Is this a defence mechanism or have I just been fucked over one too many times and become like the people that have hurt me?
  • Defense
    Vote A
  • Changed you
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • To cut the long story short, if you've had "unpleasant relationships" in the past its better to "forget & forgive" and move on. By being bitter & letting yourself get affected, will only HURT YOU the most. Also, its better not to become like those who hurt you in the past, and become the reason to hurts others you come across. Mostly, your "Due Diligence" about the people should be "strong" in order that you don't get your past repeated in your present or future. Cheers & Best Wishes. 😇💕


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What Girls Said 2

  • I don’t know you personally but I’m going to guess as to why that is...

    Please take future things seriously. Don’t become like the people who have hurt you. Unfortunately, you might think that this is a defense mechanism (and you right) but the problem is that if you seem that you are not taking a woman seriously, than they might think that you really don’t care therefore they won’t either.

    Okay lets go over hypotheses as to why you were cheated on:
    •You’re plan B incase it doesn’t work out with Joe... She’s got two boyfriends...
    •You’re attracted to woman who just want to use you for your body.
    •The first couple of dates were fine, but than she found out that you smoke or do drugs... She was afraid to break up with you.

    • •She likes the attention you give her, not necessarily you.
      •You’re a nice guy who wanted to wait tell marriage to have sex. But she wants someone to satisfy her now!
      •You text 10 different girls and like curtain posts of instagram that make her / him jealous... You often go to another girls house because you’re friends but the girl you’re dating thinks that you might be cheating.

      Okay, I’m trying to understand her / his (I just remembered that I don’t know if you like guys or girls...) point of view up there but I fail to understand the rationally of it. I don’t care what excuses people who cheat have. If they don’t like you, they should break up with you. Simple. Well, best of luck in the relationship realm. Enjoy being single though. You don’t always have to be in a relationship—You can take a break once in a while.

    • I think the issue has always been that I put my everything in and they end up thinking because I do everything I can for them with regards to money, driving them around, making time for them etc they end up thinking they can walk all over me and get away with cheating

    • I’m sorry about that. It’s hard to find someone like you, and there’s still no excuse to cheat. They shouldn’t walk all over, but appreciate it. I don’t think putting everything in is an issue. I think you need to put effort into it as long as she isn’t using you. I’m sorry you aren’t having much luck.

  • Defense


What Guys Said 4

  • It is both really. It is a defense mechanism first, and it changed the way you think and behave. That does not mean it can not change back though. I fear it will take a long time and a dedicated girlfriend

  • Don't be so dramatic. It's not cheating when you're just dating.
    Girls always have a backup plan, always. What's yours?

    • We weren't just dating so why be a prick? One girl I was with for a year and a half another 6 months another 9 months

    • Show All
    • So just because you got cheated on by a wife it's changed your opinion to make you think it's okay to have a back up plan and your eyes on another women while with your current partner? In my opinion that's wrong and if you're going to be with someone you should be dedicated to making it work otherwise what's the point? I understand what you mean if it's just dating but at around the 6 month mark it starts to become more serious where feeling and attachment are bound to become part of the relationship as youve invested yourself into it.

    • Sorry, but my life experience doesn't have anything to do with yours. And you don't get to decide whatever that was is right or wrong.

      Date. A lot. Have options. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Women are attracted to men that have options, not stuck on one.

      You need three things to be a hit with the ladies:
      1. Looks
      2. Money
      3. Confidence. Irrational confidence.
      You can get by with any two of these, but all three is the ticket to success. So at your age you want to be working on the first two - as much as you possibly can. And by doing so you'll gain confidence from the trials of your efforts.
      And you'll have women litterally throwing themselves at you.

      It's a far better course of action than whining about some cheating little bitch. They don't mean shit, and will cheat if given the opportunity - it's called hypergamy. A woman will fuck anybody they want, any time they want, anywhere they want. Just ask them.

  • It's what we usually call: learning. Keep strong!

  • Maybe they cheated because there is something about you in all of your relationships.


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