How to deal with criticism in a relationship? What’s the difference between criticism to saying it for their benefit?

Me and my boyfriend been arguing at lot from him ‘so called saying it for my benefit and for my own good’ and because I don’t agree to a lot of things he says about me because I hear them at criticism and I don’t like that as it makes me feel bad about myself and lowers my confidence, we end up arguing a lot. We have some compatibility issues, and have had minor break ups, but we always try and work through it.

It’s become so frequent that I don’t know how to deal with criticism in a relationship. Or should I just tell him to not say anything? What’s the difference between the two?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Criticism should ideally be constructive, it should be intended to direct you towards areas of improvement with the aim of empowering you. Criticism is also best served with some advice. Saying "You're fat" is not constructive. Saying "If you could perhaps strive to eat a little healthier you may feel better in yourself" is more constructive and helpful.

    If the intention is to make you feel bad about yourself then it's unlikely to be a helpful form of criticism. Someone who loves you should not want to make you feel bad about yourself except in cases where you have clearly done wrong and are failing to grasp that.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That depends. What exactly is he saying? It's hard to judge whether or not it's healthy criticism without knowing the content.

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What Guys Said 26

  • If he is so insensitive to your feelings, why do you stay with him?

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  • If the criticism is constructive and not to serve his own interests, it might be acceptable but if he does it to undermine you or to fulfil a self-portrait serving agenda on his part, you should evaluate if that kind of boyfriend is someone you want in your life.

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  • Sounds like he's overwhelming you with criticism which is just exhausting and drives a wedge between the two of you, as you concentrate on self preservation.
    You need to explain to him in language that he will take heed of that his approach is corrosive to the relationship, is personally insulting, and you simply cannot have him continue in this vein.

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  • For every criticism or advice. you have to think it by yourself.
    is it really for your own good?
    or for his?
    discuss it with him after you get a decision.
    eventually you will argue less and less i hope.
    but there is always hard headed people who can't take any advice though. probably an advice only work 3 days at most.

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  • Criticism can be a good thing when placed in proper context. If a man points out something that can be changed for benefit of the relationship then it is a benificial criticism. If he addresses something that can not be fixed or placed into an "I feel ___ when you___" is toxic.

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  • criticism can be good to a certain extent but sometimes in a relationship it needs to work both ways a relationship is a two person happening there always needs to be compromised in order for things to work. So criticism can be good sometimes it's over indulgence when it's bad.

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  • Guess it depends on what he's critizing. Is it just shallow stuff like looks, personality, ect? Or is it how you treat him in the relationship, obviously if it's the shallow stuff he might just be controlling or judgmental or you could just have compatibility issues. If it's deeper stuff than you both might need to work on stuff.

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  • Criticism comes from a comparison. Just keep that in mind. He's screwing someone else meanwhile...

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  • Constructive criticism is followed by a way to fix the problem and is agreed by you and goes both ways. If it is about your personality or the way you look, that's not the case. Get away from that behavior and get into a healthy relationship.

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  • You should definitely say something to him. His way of communicating his worries isn´t the right for you and he needs to be more understanding. Usually when we fear or feel bad about ourselves we tend to blame and criticize out of fear. Maybe he feels he doesn´t know how to reach out to you so he just ends up fighting with you because it´s easier and doesn´t require a deeper level of communication. If arguing is your way "a safe way" to say things to each other, you really need to sit down and pinpoint the patterns that lead to you arguing and then explaining to each other how to say things in a way that you feel comfortable with :)

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  • look, my ex loved criticizing me, but when i criticized her she went the same way you did, "i dont like being criticized", it's kinda hypocritical isn't it?

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  • Honestly sounds emotionally abusive and like a relationship that failed and you are working hard to hold on to. Cut your losses, it's not easy but I promise you deserve better than that.

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  • I think the key is making sure you don't just let them know when they are doing something wrong let them know and do something they like in return when they do something right

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  • For your own good? That's what parents are for, when you're a child!
    It's criticism otherwise. Tell him that if he doesn't like you the way you are, than move on

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  • No man who talks to you like that is worth a damn. Criticizing your partner is never for their benefit. Arguments are never for your benefit. Making you feel like crap is never for your benefit. It's trying to make you feel bad about yourself so that you'll change to stop the criticism. That's not healthy. If I was in your shoes, I'd say either treat me with respect or get out. If he leaves, he didn't deserve you anyway. A relationship is about compromise, shared interest, and unconditional love. If he doesn't offer those things, he doesn't respect you.

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  • You're not compatible - get out while you still can.

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  • First thing i see from what you share is that hw actually doesn't understand that critism for women must be in form of praise.

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  • Huh? I don't even know what you're really asking here.

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  • I just learn to ignore criticism cause i know argument is not worth it.

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  • Ja się śmieję, moją ostatnią partnerkę doprowadzało to do nerwów,

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  • I think critique can be helpful in a relationship because you each refine each other. I do, however, believe that there is a certain finesse required to go about having these conversations. You should never have these conversations when angry or upset and you should always approach it with critical delicacy. Most criticism is going to be uncomfortable but if the intention is to both grow together I believe the discomfort is worth it. Otherwise you end up in a relationship with expectations that will never be met and a ton of resentment.

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  • There's two types of criticism
    1. Your trying to get something out of them
    2. Your trying to make them become the best version of themselves.

    It sounds like he's trying to be a good friend to you, trying to make you stronger.

    The mark of a true friend for women, is someone who will complement you and comfort you when your upset.

    The mark of a true friend for men, is someone who will help you become a better man.

    If you can't take constructive criticism, or if his comments are hurtful, try to let him know that.

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  • Growing up usually helps

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  • Feedback or advice? One guides one judges

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  • U r confused

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  • You say
    you knew this about me when we got together, I hid nothing
    so
    either deal with it or get out
    I'm NOT changing, except maybe hair styles & lipstick, a work in progress anyway

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What Girls Said 2

  • I need an example. See me and my guy kinda do the same thing. But he’s horrible at delivering his message. It sounds like he wants control instead of him benefiting us or me

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  • If they are about problems you don't see and don't want to address, then just tell him to let it go. What kind of criticisms are they?

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