I'm 18, my boyfriend is 35. Is this wrong?

We started dating when I was 14 and he was 31. I met him because he was my teacher in high school since Freshman year, tomorrow will be our four year anniversary. I am in college now. We want to get married, he is 17 years older than me. Is this wrong?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • All these people saying it's bad and he's a pedo would do well to edify themselves of the realities of biology and the relationship dynamics of every generation preceding modern feminism... during which time a girl your age and guy his age being together, starting at when you were 14, not waiting, would have been completely normal.

    Incidentally, post first wave feminism, in the US at least, women report their happiness lower and lower, the marriage rate is down, the American birth rate is beneath replacement levels, and divorce is through the roof.

    I could give plenty of examples, but for brevity, here's just one that might hit you a bit close to home because of the ages. A man, 31, marries a girl, 14. They have one dozen kids, and over two dozen grand kids. When the man died, the woman never remarried.

    This is my friend's grandfather. At the time they were 31 and 14, this was not only normal, but to still be unwed after 21 or 22 for a girl was to be considered as having been left on the shelf.

    What we are seeing is older women who have been left on the shelf attempting to shift the zeitgeist of modern America so that they can compete. For example, I believe it was the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) that had a new "mental disorder" called ephebophilia. This is the attraction to women ages 15-19 (and how very telling that in first editions it could be found to be specifically a male mental disorder in that is specifies it is attraction to women, not gender neutral as if women could have this as well).

    Think about that... they're starting to try to delegitimize attraction to women of even legal age. When we all know that a woman's attractiveness to a man is her fertility indicators: youth, healthy weight, symmetry of features = beauty. But man, that youth is a BIG one. Why? Because women's fertility has a shelf life. Why's youth not as important to women as men? Men's doesn't have a shelf life. In fact, what is biologically hardwired into females of all non asexually reproducing species to find attractive in a potential mate, the ability to sire healthy young and provide for them, for men, comes with age.

    TLDR: Long story short, not a damn thing wrong with him or you. Guys who are 30+ and wife up a damn near barren (and if you check the science of it, vastly more likely to birth defective offspring) woman their own age are the bloody weirdos.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're dating a pedophile. What do you think he'll do when you're 25 and not a little girl any more? He'll find a new girl to groom.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Don't listen to the people that are like "THATS WRONG he's A PEDO!!!" It's fine. Long as he's a good person and you care about him. And you know he cares about you. Besides all that, go for it... Age really means nothing in terms of how you care about other human.

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    • He was 31 she was 14 that's illegal

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    • @TheUglyMonk I take her word over yours... at least she was there lol

    • I don´t blame you, most would do since it´s more logical to.

  • Here is what I say. Is he single? If so you’re fine. What you did was technically illegal. Especially with him being a teacher. Now though, I believe you are free to do whatever (as long as you are not in school anymore). You are an adult and if he’s 35 and you want him then go for it. That being said, if someone finds out you dated/had relations before you graduated you could have problems. Long story short, if you’re 18 and out of school it’s ok. What you did was illegal. But now I think it’s ok as long as you’ve graduated. Just don’t let anyone find out about things beforehand. And make sure you’re happy! That’s the most important part

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  • Yes, and I bet he knows is wrong too. You are the trill of a social taboo and crime.

    Dude used his power over you, and now you're 4 years deep.

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    • He treats me pretty well, you know? He respects me to the point that we will wait and have waited four years until having sex, until we get married!

    • Not the point. I teach people my age, but I decided long ago I couldn't date one of my students due to the intrinsic power difference. Out of curiosity, is it BDSM?

    • Well not sex yet, but some other aspects, at least, even if it isn't actual sex.

  • Bahahah i can't lol
    I don't even know what to say here

    Which is rare

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  • Ok it’s definitely wrong that you met at 14 and 31 and that he was your high school teacher. Plus that age gap is bit too wide

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  • #bruh that depends. do you like jails? cuz you'd have to visit him a lot if you wanna keep the relationship going

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  • Because of when you started your relationship it is wrong.

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  • It's ok if you feel comfortable with that...

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    • Finally an answer I actually like!

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    • lol, my boyfriend is 34. Would you have started dating a 14 year old girl two years ago when you were 31?

    • Nop I wouldn't. It's a crime in my country if she submits to police. And I am not a trustee-guy. However I wouldn't say I had no experience with someone below 18.

  • Yeah, that's weird.

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  • Yeah it's completely immoral and unethical.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yeah you're a fetish and you've legit been raped.

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    • Raped? We've NEVER had sex.

    • That's a shock. But I'm sorry with him being 35 and dating an actual child, he has mental issues. That isn't normal.

  • My Ex was 16 years older than me, so no, don't worry about it :)

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