How much age gap is too much?

I'm 20 and i'm intrested into a guy who is 38. Is that too old? Explain your reason etc.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it is too old at all. It may be difficult but there's some positives to it as well :

    You are both adults.
    You will probably learn a lot about him , yourself and life.
    You will probably teach him some thing's as well.
    It might seem weird or a big gap but what if he ends up been a major positive in your life?
    Maybe you will lack some common ground or interests , so make your own.
    The negatives are obvious but there are plenty of positives too I think.
    Life is life and if an option is there why not take it?

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    • I completely agree! Thanks so much for your advice I feel like your advice has been the best hands down! I might just come to you for all my advice problems lol

    • Glad I can help.

      If you think I can help then sure. Feel free to add me if you like/want. Otherwise , just invite me or whatever you feel happy with ~

Most Helpful Girl

  • I can't tell you about you and this guy. My general thought for women is that until you are 25, you should only date people who are about the same age as you. Less chance of anyone taking advantage of you if they are at the same struggling stage of life.

    But by 25, we probably have a pretty good grasp on who we are, what we are becoming, and understand relationships more, so we are less likely to be manipulated, less likely to be overly dependent, so then I kinda think - date whatever kind of older person you want to, but forever, never date anyone younger than 25.

    I failed on both those counts. I fell in love with a man 7 years older when I was 16, we got married when I was 19 - he tried to keep me a dumb teenager, but I don't lie down for that kinda crap so we fought for almost 7 more years and then we both figured out ONE MORE DAY TOGETHER WAS GOING TO KILL US.

    Then when I was 37, I had two girlfriends, one who was 19 and one who was 27 but looked like a 14 year old runaway (and pretty much was still stuck in that stage of life.) I loved them both. They loved each other. 19 was a smart cookie, and I saw ways in which her parents had simply not done their job in raising her, so I found I kind of had to (no one had ever showed her how to pump gas, or pack boxes to move out of the dorm for the summer), and I was very glad to help her learn how to adult more, but it killed our sex life because I felt like her mom. We officially ended it after about 3 years, but remain good friends. 27 who really needed the most raising up was so broken by her childhood that she floated from place to place and is now in her mother's care. It breaks my heart all the time. They were individually and collectively so exhausting I have sworn off dating anyone more than 5 years younger.

    So, this guy you like is in his grown-ass man stage of life - how prepared do you feel to handle your ownself like a grown-ass woman? What kind of help and support will you need of him (not $$$, emotional)? Are you and he prepared for the burdens of the age difference? Are you ready to consider sex in 3-5 dates, because that's sorta what he'd be used to with older women? (Not all 38 yr old guys, but at least a fair number of American guys would have that kind of expectation.) Are you prepared to accept that many people do not end up marrying who they were dating at 20, so it might not be your dream fairytale relationship of forever and ever?

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    • But, lest this sound like I am telling you "NOOOOOO. Dooon't doooo iiiiiiit!"...

      When I was over 26 I met and dated fantastic people who were even 30 years older than me. One fun fella was 74 when I was 36ish I think. He's still a friend I love dearly. And I met and eventually my perfect, punk rock dream loverboy of all times, who is 10 years older than me, sometimes as mature as a 12 year old, but other times is like 90. Who has radically changed me in miraculous ways. We've been together 18 years. (I'm polyamorous so some of these relationships overlap if you're trying to do the math.)

      So, all I can really suggest is, get on a good form of contraception, insist on condoms if you are not monogamous or the first 3-6 months of a monogamous relationship then he has to show you clean STD results on paper from the doctor. (And of course, you will show him YOUR clean STD results, before you even ask for his.) Say no when you need to, yes when you want to. Have a blast.

    • ... eventually *married* my perfect...

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 27

  • Just depends on your and his maturity levels, your commonalities, and just how well you "click" with one another. Love has no age limit (not talking about superseding any laws, ya perverts). Explore it and see what happens, but be honest with yourself and each other if you don't feel it working.

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  • 1/2 age +7.

    What do y’all possibly have in common? I’m not saying it can’t work out, but my 1st thoughts are always that you’re a booty call and he want that tight ish. And it also always makes me question why a dude who is “so mature” is going after chicks half his age if not for just trying to get his dick wet

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  • Yah that’s a bit much. I mean this guy was an adult while you were being born. That’s like you dating a 2 year old

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    • But i'm 20 not 2. I'm out of high school, in college with a job and car. But I can totally see your point. Thanks :)

  • Not too weird. Love is what love is. Now if you were 16 and he was 38... That would be weird. Or if he was geriatric and in diapers, that would be weird. 18 yrar difference? If you're comfortable with it, and he is comfortable with it... No problems.

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  • Not at all, as long as you two are sexually appealing to each other and hit it off mentally, age does not matter... to hell what other people think.
    This is your happiness you are pleasing, not theirs.

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  • Don't do it!!! If you both want an actual relationship, you guys can wait a year and get to know each relationship. If you guys can't do that, then move on to someone else.

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    • What do you mean wait a year? Like get to know eachother for a whole year before dating or do you mean meet other people for a whole year then date?

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    • Get to know each other

    • And also, you're 20. You have a lot of growing up, mentally, to do. You don't think you do! But you do, and will understand in the years to come.

  • That's fine, you're not 16. You are old enough to make your own decisions and women often find older men more attractive because they are establish and confident. Go with it until it becomes a problem

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  • As long as you can have a good relationship with him it doesn’t matter.
    My best friend is 22 and her boyfriend 38. They’ve been dating for almost 3 years now, everything’s fine.

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  • The age gap isn't necessarily the problem but rather how you connect emotionally and intellectually. The age gap can definitely impact the former as he's probably experienced more than you have in life.

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  • at 20 ya it's too old... because you haven't event past your prime yet
    you will change still... you're still molding and you don't need bad influence from some 38 year old that can't find a girl more mature

    maybe around 30 age matters a lot less...

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    • REALLY bad grammar!!! But solid point. You need to live your life, not get tied up in someone (that's very likely) trying to settle down.

  • As long as you are both comfortable with it, it doesn't matter.

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  • I personally wouldn't date a woman that's old enough to be my mother. So, my reasoning would say yes, 18 is too much of an age gap. Even 16 is too much of an age gap.

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  • Its not the age gap so much its the goal gap. At 38 most men are hoping for thier last shot at a family. Most 20 year olds are looking to starting fun and exploring

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  • The rule of thumb to see if someone is too old for you is to subtract seven from your age and multiply it by 2, thus you should avoid dating older than 26 but whatever floats your boat

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  • Age is just a number, there is no shame in loving someone younger or older. You like what you like, it is what it is.
    Jealous haters shame you, ignoramus mock what they don't understand.
    Then there is the over protective parent who will always find something wrong even where there isn't. don't let their scruples (of course they want the best for you) ruin a good thing, some of them will do it till the day they die, you don't want to have to wait till your parent is dead to find love, that's sad.

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  • Too much for me. And I AM 38. I graduated high school when you were born.

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  • Hell yea that's too old. That's like a 5 year old dating a 23 year old.

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  • All up to you two, no one else can tell you what to do here. For me though no one under 25 I reckon.

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  • Do it look ar emmanuel macron

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  • No x

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What Girls Said 14

  • You are both adults. All is up to both of you. At your age I was dreaming about a man around that age (more than 30) ... Well, my husband is "only" 3 years older...

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  • I'm 23 and my fiancée is 30. His everything I can ever asks for. It's just an age.

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    • That's not even 10 years apart

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    • @rapfan107 this is my question that your commenting here why dont you get gtfo :)

    • @leahbri ladies first 🚪here's another virtual door and suck a 🍆👈 in your way out maybe si what you need 😚😚

  • Hell no, all of my boyfriends were min 8 years older lol and no I'm not a gold dogger lol

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  • My age gap was 23 years.. I was with him for 6 years. He was from Knox TN. I met him when I was 17 or 18. He came to Canada and met my family.. (well the family that wanted to meet him lol) so.. I was 17.. he was 40.

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  • For me that’s a little too big of an age gap im 19 I wouldn’t go past 5 years but if you like older guys then go ahead

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  • Based on the half his age plus seven, It’s the odds are against it. just too big an age gap but give it a shot, you’ll either click or not.

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  • above 8 years its too much. 18 is ridiculously much. in a decaed you won't even want to look at him while you'll be in your prime

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  • Considering that he is single and nearly forty, I would stay away from him.

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  • In the end it's your choice but personally, I wouldn't date anyone over 3-5 years older than me.

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  • Nope that’s fine your 18+

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  • It's a bit much but if you get along...

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  • 25 is too much for me

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  • That's too old in my opinion, he's probably looking to settle down or take advantage of you.

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  • nope. Both of you are adults, so it's fine.

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