Am I being used by this black guy for sex?

So I’ve been seeing this guy. I have a 4 year old daughter and my BD is not around. I have a car and this guy doesn’t so I’m always going to see him, pick him up, and drop him off. He has a license but he doesn’t come to see me. At all. He doesn’t bond with my daughter. Once he yelled at her because she did something inappropriate and when we took her to the park he didn’t interact with her just sat there with me while we watched her play with other children. Sometimes I let him drive my car he is not on the insurance though. I go to him all the time and he just never comes to me... if he was really interested and loved me I wouldn’t be putting all these miles on my car? I’m confused help

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A couple of questions:

    1) Why is it relevant that he is black?
    2) Why are you continuing to go to him if you feel like you are being taken advantage of?

    Sometimes people ask questions that are along the lines of "I keep putting my hand in the fire and it keeps getting burned, why is this happening?". Well, it's happening because you are letting it happen. If you see clear signs that something isn't working out well for you and yet you keep on doing it then what do you expect? Do you expect that the fire should get less hot or do you stop sticking your hand in it because it's showing no obvious signs of changing?

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    • Couldn't have said it any better myself

    • I stay the night at his house but I always leave in the morning and come back home. Sometimes he comes to my house but only when I go get him. Once I picked him up and it was 12am and brought him to my house I live with my parents

    • So either he just can't be bothered to drive to your house or he is using your services to save money on fuel. He doesn't want to spend money on fuel so he lets you spend all of yours. Either way, if you want it to change then you have to make it change. Stop picking him up all the time. Tell him to come over and expect that he will make his own way over. If he refuses then clearly he's not that bothered, in which case you can move on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, he’s there for all the benefits. If he actually cared about you, he would care about your daughter and you’d be able to tell. He sounds lazy, and selfish.

    Dump his ass quick before it gets too hard to.

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What Guys Said 19

  • It doesn't sound like you are confused at all. You just don't want to deal with it.

    by the way, if you allow him to drive your car on a regular basis and you do not inform your insurance company that he is driving it, then you are not covered if he is driving and has an accident.

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  • I'm not sure I'm so quick to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else just yet. How long have you been dating? If I was a woman with a daughter and some guy I started dating became interested in building a relationship with my daughter before we became serious I would think he was a pedophile. What are the reasons you haven't dumped him already? If he was just a piece of trash with all these problems you wouldn't be asking this question. What did your daughter do wrong? Was he justified to yell about it? Maybe he's not used to kids. It's entirely possible he's just a loser you should get rid of, but the most of the people I've seen on this site aren't that great at realizing they only ever hear half the story. They just shotgun the answer and move on.

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    • Dating over 3 months

    • Once I picked him up at 12am and we came to my house

  • I don't know why race needed to be brought into it, but it sounds like you're putting your daughter in terrible company & compromising a lot otherwise just for some fucking. Your daughter needs a better exampke of a father figure or at least what a romantic partner should ideally be in life.

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  • Yes he does, if he wanted more he would make an effort with you and your daughter

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    • Every time I spend the night I leave and come back home every morning each time

    • Sometimes he will come with me but other times it’s just me

    • It sounds like you make all the effort and he put none in, and not making the effort with your daughter is a big no no.

  • Not sure what there is to be confused about because if he isn't making an interest in your life then why are you even with him? Have you talked to him about those issues you have?

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  • Listen, this is not the type of guy you want in your life. I'm a divorced dad and I would say that the only thing that matters to me is how someone treats my daughters. At the same time, when I'm dating a woman with children, I actually focus more on her kids than I do on her. While there have been sort of humorous reactions from women who remind me that they're present too (apparently because I was talking too much to her kids), I'm 100% certain that this is the proper way to behave when you're an adult around children.

    So yes, this guy doesn't sound like he's making you a priority at all and I do think you're being used. Find a different guy, particularly a guy who thinks that your child is at least as important as you.

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  • Sounds like he's just using you honestly... if a man really cares for you he would be putting in the effort to connect with your child and to grow closer to you both...

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  • You're literally being used as a sex toy and transport. You should get rid of him and find someone who will help raise your daughter.

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  • Yes you are, if he wanted more he'd make an effort both with you and your daughter

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  • By the way you describe it you already know the answer

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  • First you have to establish what are you looking for between you and him

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  • Straight to the point answer : D'uh

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  • Leave, tell him he's an asshole

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  • Yes and free rides all the way around

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  • You need to dump him. You are being used.

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  • Ur an idiot

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  • pretty much

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  • Just listen your heart and do what your heart say

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What Girls Said 6

  • How can he drive to see you if he doesn’t have a car?

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    • He can take the transit or use his moms car but he doesn’t even do that

    • Or a taxi

    • Have you considered perhaps that he’s broke?

  • Best thing i think is to ask him and see what page your both on, and if its not the same one, see if you both can get there. If not then...

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  • yes you probably are, but just in case, i would ask him. no offense to you, but he sounds like a dush-bag. who doesn't interact with there kid?

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    • ReaRose14 she isn’t his kid

    • Show All
    • Someone else

    • oh ok, does he ever tell you that he loves you or anything that shows love other than sex?

  • are you looking for a father to your daughter? not everyone likes kids

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  • I'm afraid he isn't interested in you, only in sex.

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  • You need a grown man who wants to be part of your life, and can get his own ass places. You already have a child. You don't need two.

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