It turned out my boyfriend is a transgender woman. What do I do?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 2 months now and yesterday he told me that 2 years ago he started taking hormones. I was shook and I didn't know what to do so I left and told him I needed some time. I do love him, but I don't know what the hell to do, beause thinking that he once was a woman, it's kind of crazy, you know? So, I need your opinions on this. P. S I'm incognito here, so my profile picture and my age on this isn't real.

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2031

Most Helpful Girl

  • Love doesn't have gender. Love is irrational. So, it doesn't matter if he was female, he's male now right? and you refer to him as ,, he''. You love him? Don't leave him, please. But he should've told you in the first place, that he was a transgender. That's the only problem, why didn't he tell you in the first place. You two should talk and discuss things on your own. Asking here, is not going to help you. We may give advice, but your own opinion is much more important.

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What Guys Said 31

  • I like to think that there is no answer but you refer as "he" so maybe it's just the fact of knowing and feeling of cheating that's hard. You should question yourself and give it a try in my opinion, I think he also needs someone who loves him as you do :)

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  • Hmm. Well that is certainly interesting. So you're just kind of feeling a little overwhelmed by news that you didn't think you'd be receiving. Understandable.

    What do you think your options are? What feels right to you?

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    • I still love him, so I do care about his feelings, but knowing he was a girl? It's just crazy for me. I don't think I have options. I'm just confused...

    • Give it time. You can ask yourself, if you want to, whether your feelings for this person outweigh this new information you've received that you weren't prepared for. If the answer is yes, then you have an answer, and if it's "I'm not so sure," then you also have an answer maybe. Good luck out there.

  • Figure out first if you will be able to be satisfied with the physical implications. It's sucks that it is important but it is very much so. You will. E unhappy if you need a male body to fulfill your desires. If your okay with the work around for that (strap ons etc) then move onto figuring out if your going to be able to except him as he is in general. You love him, but a successful relationship requires many more parts than love. Many things must be compatible. Take your time, Let him know you need time to think. Then decide and have a conversation with him about it either way. Make sure you both are on the same page and understand what the other wants, feels and needs. Make sure y'all can meet in a mutual understanding of whether not and how it will work. This is definitely possible and there is nothing wrong with it unless you will not be happy. Relationships are give and take but some things can't be sacrificed for some people and they still be happy. Discern that line and go from there. Also have a discussion a out the importance of honesty with him, because in truth he should have been upfront from the beginning, as unfair as that is to him it's way more so to hide something so major from your significant other. Make sure there are no other big secrets and let him know to be honest in the future and be willing to work together on answering the problems brought up by honesty in a loving way.

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  • If you couldn't even tell, what's the big deal. I think the only issue would be having sex. If he has a vagina, then you might not be able to be sexually satisfied and you won't be able to have your own kids. Of course, there are ways to work around this like strapons and sperm banks. But that is all up to you. If you are okay with strapons and if you are okay with sperm banks, then there should be no issue here.

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  • It all depends on your feelings. You may want to accept him/her as friends as you let it settle in your mind. Now if there is a thought of children, they probably haven't perfected that part of the process.

    The one thing is, I would have expected they would be very upfront about this so they never get this kind of reaction.

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  • I think you mean a transgender "man", since that's what they were TRANSitioning to. Anyway, I guess it depends on your own preference. It's kind of shallow if you don't love them anymore simply because they were born one sex. Do they have the genitalia that you desire?

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  • Hi hun, give it time if you love him stick it out and give him support and be there for him. I'm impressed that he felt able to tell you after 2 months it could have been longer but he obviously felt he was able to tell you and was confident that it was the right thing to do. I hope everything works out for the best regards Beth xx

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  • Lol! If you are comfortable with her then go for it otherwise if you feel it is weird then end the relationship. There is not much to say, go with what your heart says, not mind because it is the heart that matters in love

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  • You leave.
    Not because it's a transgender woman but because she is a selfish piece of crap who has no respect for other people and will mislead them out of her own insecurity and satisfaction.

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  • Well I hope you like eating box... or sucking on a fake dick? Seriously, what the fuck kinda genitalia do these things even have? If this was me I'd dip the fuck out and never look back. Straight up roadrunner that shit
    i.pinimg.com/.../...2cb943574cb60a376239b86e36.jpg

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  • πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Oh snap!!! What you gonna do?

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  • It's your decision, your life. If you're not comfortable with being with a transgender man, who was actually born a woman like you, then leave him.

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  • If you don't turn on by women or transgender people you need to end the relationship. It will just damage you. Also it's not your fault.

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  • If your situation was reversed, i would end it. To me, it wouldn't be the same knowing you're with a dude

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  • I think the fact that you love him is all the answer you need. Yeah, it is crazy that he was a she at one point. He was also fourteen at one point. Just like your not dating the fourteen year old him, your not dating the person he was when he was a girl. You should think about the reasons you love him, the reasons you've stuck with him for the past two months, all the things you like. How does him being a girl in the past change those things? To what degree do they change? Why do they change at all?

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  • Leave because they didn't think they could trust you with the truth

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    • It's way more complicated than that man. The other (transgender) person is obviously thinking that their partner, the asker in this case, is going to react in a "I don't know how to handle this" type of way. That's something that scares them. It's natural that they'd be apprehensive about saying something. And honestly it's not like it took a long time either. Two months isn't that long, really.

    • Oh wait that's fair I misread I thought 2 years and 2 months

  • Leaving may sound hurting but u can't continue the way it was by knowing thr fact that he is not what u think he was.

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  • Leave him.. nothing elese u can do... it sounds so made up tbh

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  • Just love him like you used to. You shouldn't care about what he was.

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  • well if you break up the trans people will guilt shame you to death

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What Girls Said 19

  • I think you need to decide whether its something you could deal with and be okay with. I don't think he has lied or misled you, I expect he was waiting until he was sure about his feelings and was comfortable telling you. Yeah, he was a born a woman. He's a man now. Maybe have an open conversation with him to address your concerns.

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  • Who cares! You love him, why should it matter! I think it’s great he was willing to trust you enough with that info- it’s hard for a trans person to do that sometimes. I think that’s awesome! But in all reality, if you love him- his past shouldn’t matter.

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  • Do you want kids? If yes , end it.
    If not and you don't mind the person being trans, then why not I guess.

    I myself would probably in shock and can't live with the idea. It kind off grosses me out to be with someone of the same sex. Not that I hate lesbians but to me, I would pass.

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  • Love him the way you did before you found out. it's only a label.

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  • No one here is going to be able to tell you how to feel. You need to ask yourself if you can be comfortable with this? Will you be able to be intimate without thinking about what he used to be? Will you be able to understand why he made the choice he did and stand by him? There will certainly be times in your lives that this will come up and you need to be able to handle it. Maybe make yourself a list of the things you like and the things you don't. See which out weighs the other.
    Also, I think writing down any questions you have and having a sit down with him would be good. That way he has the opportunity to explain himself and to answer any concerns you have.

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  • I believe that gender is a black and white issue. Gender roles are a personality thing, but you’re born either a man or a woman. I only want to date men. So, if I were in your situation, regardless of how insensitive or backwards I would seem, the relationship would be over. You need to examine how you really feel. Not how your family or society would tell you to feel. Do you feel comfortable in this relationship? Are you comfortable with not only supporting transgender people but with dating one, especially considering he wasn’t honest with you to begin with?

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  • Honestly if you love that person don't let their past conflict with their present and their future with you. He had the love and enough trust in you to tell you something that he new could shatter your relationship but assuming your not that shallow and actually do Love him, it's just a little bump in your relationship that with enough effort you will get over and continue to grow together.

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  • Well that's a game changer. Do what you want. If you think you'd like to see where things go then go ahead. Something like that is not something you just throw on someone on the first few dates, it probably took some courage.

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  • Think less on who he was and more on who he is. He’s still the boyfriend you love.

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  • i would leave, you can't be waiting for two months of a relationship and not tell me you was a women if you told me in the beginning i be fine but two months hell no cause that means you didn't trust me, I dated this guy that waited 5 months to tell me he has a 8 month old son and then i dropped him faster than the flash could run around the world 5 times

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  • dont worry, mine is not real either. if you are not comfortable dating a transgender, tell him/her that, and break up with him/her.

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  • If it were me... the relationship would be over. But that is up to you.

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  • Depends on how comfortable you feel with this.
    Do you like her enough after only 2 months to really handle that or do you wanna back up?

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  • I personally would stay, but I don't care what genitals someone has. I'm into everybody πŸ˜‚ if you feel this man can't satisfy you because of his former gender, it will save you both time and heartache to just end it now. However, since you didn't even notice and you're very much shocked by the news, it seems the two of you could pull off the relationship just fine if he got or has the transition surgery or if you could work around him having female anatomy. Remember that he's still the person you've known this entire time and share all of these moments with, and this revelation only changes what you know of him, not who he's been the entire time.

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  • Honestly that's a tough decision. I can only imagine the flood of emotions and feelings going through your head right now. On one hand, it was deceitful and wrong for yiur boyfriend to have waited two months to tell you, but on the other hand, I understand it's a very touchy subject so it must have been hard for him to sum up the courage to tell you. If I were in your position, I wouldn't continue the relationship simply because I want to have kids in the future without the hassle of a sperm donor or IVF and also unfortunately my attraction to my boyfriend would change knowing that he wasn't born a boy.(It's just how I'm wired, I'm only attracted to cisgeneer men) But, I do think you should follow your heart and do whatever you think is best and right for you because this is a tough pill to swallow. Take as much time as you need to process it and do what makes YOU happy.

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  • This is something only you can decide and no one else.

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  • If you’re incognito why’d you put a picture up?

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  • If you don't feel comfortable being with a trans male then you have all rights to leave the relationship. they should have been straightforward from the beginning.

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  • Honestly I couldn't do that.
    I just couldn't I'm sorry I totally get you.
    I would be also shocked, like it's crazy. I know I couldn't do the, I would run

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