Abuse Questions. { TRIGGER WARNING}?

Hello! Back with some crazy, personal questions for my writing haha. Okay, so the topic is abuse. Guys and girls are more than welcome to answer, I will adress if something is specific for a certain gender.

(Also, you are more than welcome to vent about personal experiences. Just let it all out and be open. I'd love to listen.) This is a very sensitive topic so I added a trigger warning at the top. Thank you in advance!

1) Are you usually a calm person? Patient? Level headed?

2) Guys: What would you do if you found out your female friend/relative is in an abusive relationship? (If this happened, describe everything that happened)

3) Guys: If your female friend being abused infront of You? (If this happened, describe everything that happened)

4) Guys: (if this applies to you) What signs did you notice that she was being abused? Her behavior? Was she more closed off, defensive, anxious, etc?

5) How did she react when confronted?

6) Girls: If you were previously in an abusive relationship, how did it make you feel? What persuaded you to stay? Or what made you feel like you had to?

7) Girls: How did he act around other people? How did he act if he was confronted? Did he get defensive or anything of the sort?

8) Girls: How did the abuse start? How did it build up? Was it just an "accident" that happened to build up?

Ugh I want to ask more questions but I can't think of what exactly I'm trying to ask. 🤦 if you want to add anything, you're more than welcome to. The more information, the better. If I have more questions I'll just update.

If you or someone you loved was in a abusive relationship, I deeply apologize and I sincerely hope you are getting better. You did not deserve it.

You are more than welcome to answer these anonymously. You are also more than welcome to just vent. Write a long paragraph if you need to. Or message me. I just feel awful for people who had to go through those things.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) I know why you did it but I think you should not only ask for violence man => woman. I think you'll get more to the question and would remind people that man abuse still exist tho it's not the major issue.

    2) answers. I am a real calm person, really peaceful and all I always try to find the good in all things. The thing is, I am 1.97m for 100+ kg and tend to become quite the opposite when pushed to my limits.
    I've never encountered those situations but I know what's at stake and all, in France at least I know that the police would be the good call but if they don't have proof that will turn ugly. Do I guess my first natural reaction would be to beat the shit out of that guy but that's more am instinct than it is a solution :/

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    • I am well aware men experience abuse. It's awful and it is still a major issue, just a lot of people don't consider it one. (Which really pisses me off) But for my writing I only asked specific questions on what the subject applied to. Hence why I made certain questions.

      Thank you for your feedback!

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    • That's very true

    • I Know. I'm very truthful x)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't describe myself as calm. I'm quite passionate and will always step up to defend people. It often gets me in trouble.

    I have witnessed several female friends with abusive husbands, but not physically abusive. These men are emotionally abusive. I recognise these men pretty quickly, in fact I was dating a man recently and I found out about a month and a half in that he was not what I thought.

    Abusive relationships of any kind always start with the abuser undermining the confidence of their partner. It may start out so small to seem insignificant. You might not even take it seriously because it seems so tiny.

    The guy I was dating would tell me I was self absorbed. He then started telling me things he didn't like, like my son's name. It seemed silly, but it started to emerge as a pattern. I didn't hang around.

    It can be a long game of making someone feel worthless. Years of put downs and let downs. By the time physical abuse starts, the victim feels like they deserve it.

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    • Wow, I'm so sorry to hear. It's good to hear you stand up for what you believe in. I'm a firm believer in doing that. I get in trouble for it too at times.

      Thank you for the feedback :) It definitley helped me learn a bit more.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • just want to remind you, abuse can happen to men and women, perpetuated by men and women.

    that said, if someone was in an abusive relationship i would advise them to get out. if someone started wailing on someone in front of me i would call the cops and try and defuse the situation.

    people in abusive relationships tend to make excuses for injuries that are just way too suspicious. the old joke about falling down the stairs is actually pretty accurate.

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    • I'm well aware. I am just asking these specific questions for writing.

      And thank you for your response :)

    • all good on both accounts ;)

  • 1) Well i usually am a calm cool and collected person patient no really i like to get things done quick for the most part
    2) if i had i female friend begin abused in front of me lest just say i wouldn't allow that not in front of me honestly i probably fight i someone that's just not right

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  • Am a very calm person (because im weak)

    My girlfriend (at 18 now my ex) was called a whore by some guys from the hood... i said wtf is wrong with you... got knocked out cold the next second

    She panicked
    Yeah thats pretty much it

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    • You're very brave for standing up to the bully. :) I applaud you

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    • Eh, not sure what else to call them. Lmao, but at least you said something.

    • Yea its just the way black people are... when i saw pranks i thought they were all staged the violence etc? but nope they r legit violent

  • I don't need a "trigger warning" it's not legitimate anyway that's a Marxist technique to increase peoples sensitivity so you can get them outraged and out in the street tearing things up for your commie revolution. Ya I'm usually calm and level headed If I knew a friend was being abused I'd give her some advice if I had the opportunity , most won't listen, they'll attack you instead. If I see a woman abused in front of me, I'll do what I can to deescalate it. But, be careful, there's a chance both of them will be on you in no time flat beating your ass, that's how people are. Step off and call the cops if he's not about to bash her head in, let them deal with the crazy bastards. Society is set up where you'll be gong to jail if you hurt one of them. One more thought, since I'm seeing a woman abused pretty bad right now, I'm going to do my best to help you. Social justice isn't social justice it's a commie tactic to destroy and take over western society and as much else as they can get. They don't actually care about you or your "triggers". They pick out any group they think has a beef or they think they can talk into having a beef, pander to them, fire them up and send them out to do their dirty work. It's a cheep way to get boots on the ground. My advice to you, get as far away from these people as you can, they killed a hundred million last century, a few million more means absolutely nothing to them.
    This video is worth checking out. Just cut and paste it into your URL field and delete the ~'s This site is screwed up so I can't post links.
    https:~~~~//www.~~~~youtube.~~~~com/watch? v=Cf2nqmQIfxc&feature=youtu. be&ytbChannel=Jordan+B+Peterson

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    • I just out a warning because I know the topic is sensitive for some people. But I understand. Thanks for the feedback

    • When you post things like trigger warnings etc you help these people gain more power and legitimacy. They most likely have already guaranteed a bloody war in Europe which could spread. I'd advise against using their language at all. You shouldn't think twice about posting an article on abuse no one in their right mind is going to harmed by you posting it. If someone is unstable , there's nothing you can do.

  • 1, I'm very calm and patient. I dont know what level headed means...
    2, If you mean if I wasn't there (seeing I was in the next question) I would comfort her. Since Im not the type who uses phone but, in this situation, I would call the police. Me and her would team up for that... if nothing helpful then, we'll figure something out...
    3, If I were there... thats a tough one because Im usually sensitive about physical contact and a sissy lol. But... I would try to sacrifice myself and try to stop the guy. If he ends up chasing me, I will run to lose him, call the police quickly and then, go get the girl. If the guy is there again... Repeat. lol. (Since I did call the police after all. I could also lead him to their direction to make things faster...)
    4/5, I hope she would be honest and tell me like what happened to one of my sister's friends did...(true story) Sadly I couldnt help since my sister is the only one she went to for that. Back then, she knew I wouldn't help because I use to barely talk... she wasn't feeling anything but scared and sad at the same time. (This happened out at night... dumb time to go out where I use to live lol)
    6, If I were a girl (hope you dont mind... I have 2 genders long story short lol), I would do what one of my friends would do-stay away from guys. I would also stay indoors longer than usual... if I ever do decide to go out in the world ever again... I won't want that happen again lol. (Or did you mean staying with the abuser?)
    7, Maybe defensive but for sure, very worried...
    8, It started with trusting a "friend" who just wanted to "go out" but... when I got there, that's what would happen-inside his house or being brought into a deep and dark allyway (? I think thats what they are called?) I would of been getting freaked out already by just entering the area lol...

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  • The last time i saw a guy being abusive to his girl i simply got up grabbed him by the throat threw him into a wall and flattened him. Then i spit on him and asked how he felt that someone bigger and stronger than he was just flattened him.

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  • Answer for question 1 depends on situation
    2 do nothing just educate her and ask her n support to her to solve her problem herself
    3 would be calm and observe for a solution
    4 helpless
    5 just thought what she needs
    6 no
    7 shameless
    8 normally with abusing language

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  • I think it is admirable that you at least try to do research prior to your writing, That is what all eritrrsand journalists should do, The society of professional journalists have a code of ethics, Research is included as one of the requirements to be ethical

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  • I love answering personal questions as it helps me understand myself better. That's why I do personality tests all the time. Ask away!

    1) I believe I am usually a calm and level headed person. It takes a lot to drive me over the edge.
    2) First I would try to talk them out of it. However, a relationship of any relative or friend is really no place of mine to butt in and they know they're getting abused, yet they choose to stay in the relationship. Secondly, I would address the issue to the aggressor and tell them to stop abusing them or things would happen. After that I'm not sure what I'd do. It depends on how things go.
    3. If it was happening right in front of me then I would fight the aggressor.

    All the other questions don't really relate to me.

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  • You're obvioudly a womens' srudies feminist.

    Men are abused far more often than women because women dont have to fear breaking the guy or going to jail for it (often because guys won't admit to being abused).

    In the rare case of a female friend being abused, I'd love to take a crack at the abusive guy. Either that or call the police.

    If it's not in action right in front of me, I'd do whatever it takes to get her out of that relationship. Even if it requires blackmail, because a lot of girls get caught up in this clingy Stockholm syndrome bs that won't be broken except by force.

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    • I'm well aware men are abused tremendously. It angers me that society doesn't seem to care as much. I'm not a feminist either. I'd appreciate if you didn't assume things. I just asked the questions based off of my writing concept. That's why I asked my questions in the manner that I did. I also don't remember saying men didn't get abused?

      Anyway, thanks for your response.

    • Your focus was on women, so you seemed to be intentionally omitting men.
      When women are abused by men, jail the abuser. When Men are Abused By women, jail the abuser. Equality.

    • I know that 🤦 Just because my writing is about one scenerio and not the other, doesn't mean I don't think the other doesn't happen and isn't worth talking about. Nor undeserving of equal treatment. I asked specific questions because I wanted specific answers.

  • I’m TRIGGERED

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What Girls Said 2

  • I was never abused by anyone who was romantically involved with me; it was my father. It started when I was 9 and continued till I was 11. I was constantly pushed around and yelled at by him when I visited his house (my mom and him were separated and getting divorced). I retreated into myself, stopped doing the things I loved, started cutting and getting body dysmorphia.

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    • I'm so sorry to hear :( that must have been awful. I hope you are doing better! Have you attended counseling or anything?

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    • It helps if you have the right therapy and right therapist. Worst thing is to be misdiagnosed or given the wrong kind of therapy or a therapist who doesn't care

    • Oh definitley.

      I wish therapists would show more compassion and a bit more... whats the word? Knowledge? Sure I'll go with that. Anyway, I've heard so many stories of therapists who aren't doing their jobs right. It's disgusting.

  • 1. Kindof I tried to be calm and patient.
    6. Yes I was an abusive family but not a relationship I was so sad scared terrified mad angry frustrated. I stayed to try to protect my 2 siblings because not only i am the oldest but I love my brothers and will do everything I could to protect them
    7. My biogical dad abandoned me so I would not know he acted my step dad and biological mom they were acting like they did nothing wrong they also really embarrassed us to well they would defiantly get angry and don't want to hear what the other person says
    8. Well my step grandmother did a lot of wrong things to my mom.. So I saw a lot.. But when my stupid mom and step dad abused me

    Well thank you for what u said in the last 2 parAgraphs that meant a lot

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