How do I stop comparing every guy to my ex?

My ex and I broke up after 4 years a little over a year ago. It was hard for me because he broke up with me but I knew it was for the better so I took my time in getting over him. I loved him a lot like so much more than I ever thought I would love a boyfriend, but we just had huge differences that led us to argue all the time. Now that I am finally comfortable dating guys I am constantly looking for that spark I had with my ex and the same similarities my ex and I had and I just feel like I’m basically looking for someone who is “my ex but better”. I know that’s messed up to say but I just know that if I date anyone who doesn’t give me the same feelings my ex did as well as have the things my ex didn’t have, I just won’t feel satisfied. I’ll feel like I’m settling. How do you get passed the comparing and feeling like no one can replace your ex?

0|0
419

Most Helpful Guy

  • Thats not messed up. I think its honest. Your ex is your measuring tape so to speak based on experience of what you like. I think its fine to compare but you have to remain open. Give a new guy a chance before deciding he is not the one. You never want to have that I settled feeling. But at the same time compromise is realistic too.

    1|1
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Most Helpful Girl

  • this is completely normal and I feel like the only thing you would have to remember is to try your best to give certain guys a chance even though they aren't the same as your ex. In other words assess the guy on their own. Are they treating you the way you want to be treated? Have they specifically done anything wrong to warrant your doubt? If things are going good and you're still thinking of your ex you may need to try and repress that thought for as long as you can and remind yourself why you broke up. This is one of the ways to heal -- recognizing your intrusive thoughts and actively working against them. Obviously if a relationship with someone new doesn't pan out then thats fine. Its hard to find a match sometimes.

    You are holding your ex up to this idealistic, unreal pedestal as though they were someone who did no wrong when the reality of it is if that were true then you would still be together. In my overall opinion it sounds like you're still not over them/may need more time to heal and need to accept the fact that they aren't as great as you remember them, your time with them was a gift and you need to learn to believe that there are plenty of people out there who will care for you and you will share new different experiences with. But only if you give them a chance.

    1|1
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • Just let your ex go. Be sincere. You want your next spec is like your ex but better, and that's what you got, and now you're have a problem with that similarities. What the heck man? Just make a good thinking. The moment with your ex is unforgettable, and it can't be erased, beecause in your brain you can't erase your memory. Be peaceful with your body. Be grateful for having the good one and try to love him with a new scale

    0|0
    0|0
  • First you most let your ex go! This is different for everyone. Sometimes it just means you just didn't get clarification of the separation.

    Second, If your current relationship reminds you of your previous one then take notes. If you do not the the results will be the same. Its up to you to figure oit exactly what went wrong.
    Learn from you past mistakes!!!

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can't that's the reason why people who have a lot of exes hard to find someone they can accept.
    “my ex but better”... it's sometimes easy to find. sometimes hard depend on you ex. but you have a lot of differences with him right. I think you will be fine.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If u were a virgin a he was your first you will never forget him. But if he wasn't your first. What you had was lust in love chemistry. Basically your body was fully engaged. So you must find what really u enjoy that makes you feel very sexually appealing. In the future try to find the good in the guys u date and enjoy the experience. Don't get hung on chemistry just have a fun.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's something all females do. And it's something that men are now beginning to accept as fact. No matter how good a guy is, he can never live up to the embellished memories that the girl has for some long ago boyfriend so there's no use even trying. That's why we treat women like toilets. We use them when they are needed and then we walk away.

    0|0
    1|0
    • I hate to admit it but there is some truth in what you say and some men definitely use women like toliets bc of it.

    • Ouch, as much as I would love to retract this statement it's not possible to do so..

  • Well I don't think you ever forget the good traits of had so that's why you're hunting for them but it takes time somday you will find someone better then that helps change your course of thought

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think its wise. See the negatives in your ex and ensure your future doesn't have the same faults early in. But just don't remember your ex through rose tinted glasses otherwise nobody will ever be good enough

    0|0
    0|0
  • First start hating/thinking about your ex. & try to see good in others. Every person is unique and is better in some way.

    1|0
    0|0
  • As you can imagine, every single guy even girl is different. And saying in the least as long as you continue to have an expectation such as, every guy needs to be like your ex; then your relationship are doom to fail. Because you are trying to manipulate another person to behave in a manner that made your first relationship fail and expecting them to, (for lack of better words)... Fail worst than your ex. Relationships are about learning and accepting one another flaws, needs, wants, personality and etc. The more demand you put on them to behave against themselves, the less you will have a fulfilling relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What's your ex like? Confident? A little arrogant at times? Not afraid to say what needs to be said?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think you can't...
    True love lasts forever, you should have been more careful when choosing whom you're gonna give your love too...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Every body has its own spark
    Just try & an understand the scenario & move with the flow u will surely find an ideal match

    Good luck

    0|0
    0|0
  • Forget about him and start enjoying what you have already

    0|0
    0|0
  • U can't replace such types

    0|0
    0|0
  • Actually you can't. This is the sad truth..

    0|0
    0|0
  • Care about yourself

    0|0
    0|0
  • Forget the past

    0|0
    0|0
  • Assuming you are missing The Spark that no one yet can provide
    it's best to divert your longing to focus on The Huge Differences and
    if difficult, then write them down, frame them on bedroom wall so as to never forget.

    We all discover a friend that makes life more attractive then every time we fall for another invitation outing, we regret it... if not constantly reminding ourselves... history repeats itself

    Once he begins to fade in time, THEN a new Spark will appear and not before this

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like you still aren't over him. I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, and I know when I am ready for a relationship. I think you aren't being true to yourself if you think k you are settling and it's not fair to the new guy or you

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can't. You live with it.

    0|0
    1|0
  • I know exactly how you feel! It's because you fell in love with that person so you think you automatically love all their traits. But you don't. You don't know what particular traits you would love in a person. You just loved your ex. The next guy may not be as sarcastic but that doesn't matter because you don't love sarcasm do you? You just loved your ex that was sarcastic. Do you see the difference? It will take time of course, but once you see that your ex wasn't perfect you will find someone just right for you

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...