Is attraction a choice?

Is attraction a choice?I recently put this poll on my Instagram and the answers were almost split. If you think it is a choice I would love to hear the reasons why below and vice versa! Happy Holidays!
  • YES
    Vote A
  • NO
    Vote B
  • It's complicated, I will explain in the comments
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nope, i can't make myself fancy someone or be attracted to them.
    I also can't make myself not fancy someone or not be attracted to them.
    I can't speak for everyone but i know for myself its not a choice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(d).gif

    Not 100% a choice and not 100% a non-choice. It's complicated.

    It seems your perception and outlook of things can influence what you find attractive but I guess you can't really "force" attraction.

    I think one's own bias and prejudice can definitely influence what people find attractive or unattractive. Especially, when we start hearing people justifying "why" they find what they find attractive or unattractive and strongly "believe" in their "justification".

    Can we control how we feel about things I wonder? "I feel like I'm his mother when I'm taller than him" or "I don't feel feminine when the guy is shorter". It sounds fishy. Is it the person's opinion on what is "manly" that is affecting their "attraction" or not?

    Who knows?

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-aha(d).gif

    But what I do know is that it's not so simple.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 27

  • Physiological attraction doesn't happen by choice, no. If it was optional, we'd be able to rationalize our way into or out of it.

    For example, you'd be able to be reason out that "no, this is not a good person and I shouldn't desire them in any way", and the physical chemistry would be gone, and that would be that. Or, you'd be able to decide that "this person is kind and caring and likes me, so I should want them", and you'd want them, and that would be that.
    But, it doesn't happen that way.

    However, your actions in response to your feeling of attraction (or lack thereof) ARE within your control. You can CHOOSE to do as your attraction dictates or to be with someone to whom you're not attracted. A psychologically unimpaired human has the ability to override their feelings with reason.

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  • Oh definitely not. There’s been times I’ve been totally attracted to people I shouldn’t have been.. bosses, co workers, male friends who have girlfriends I liked.. things like that. You just can’t help who you’re drawn to or pulled to.. in my opinion anyway.

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  • No, I don't believe attraction is a choice.
    If attraction was a choice you wouldn't hear women talk about how "he's such a nice guy, it's such a shame there's no spark" or "god he's such an asshole but he's so freaking hot!". If attraction could be influenced like that I think there would be far fewer frustrated men and women.

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  • This is a difficult question and I'm not really sure that there is a right answer. Personally, I think I need to be attracted to somebody in some way not by choice.
    The last guy I had a crush on, I wouldn't have thought I would have been attracted to him physically. However, once I got to know him and was attracted to his personality everything about him became attractive.

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    • Same thing happened with me towards one of my female friends. At first when we were just getting to know each other, in my mind I was thinking she was a nice person and would be a cool friend, not really attracted to her looks though.
      A few months later, talking, hanging out with, and just getting to know them and how they think, I've suddenly become more attracted to her looks in general. Odd how that works. A lot of the times one would always hear "Men are only attracted to the initial looks of a woman."

      My only problem is, I don't know if I should act on that attraction or not because I don't want to burn down the friendship with it (if her feelings aren't mutual). I'm happy with everything, but sometimes I want a little more than just a 2 second friend-hug.

  • No. You don't just wake up one day and decide heyyy, I think people with green eyes are hot. Some preferences/attractions are based on your own character + experiences, whereas others are purely biological. You have very little (if any at all?) control over what you find attractive.

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  • You can't force it to happen, but you can force it to NOT happen to some degree if you start early on.

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  • I think we like what we like and sometimes we can't pinpoint the reason for the attraction - its almost like its embedded in us to be attracted to a type of person.

    I can say I like his smile, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically attracted to him. Its more complicated than I let on to believe. I think deep down everyone has their "pull" that attracts them to someone else.

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  • Attraction isn't isn't a choice it just happens. I think there's many ingredients that go into it. Pheromones being one.

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  • No it isn't. Feelings like that can't be controlled. You go with the flo. But! You can choose to give it a chance or not. So xD it’s split a 50/50.

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  • Hell no. Physical attraction is just a personal preference that you cannot really decide. You like what you like.

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  • Its definetely a choice. People choose to stand out by their appearance or actions, others try to blend in. People may not be necessarily wearing a certain style or article of clothing for attention, but they still gain it by the choice they made. If they had chosen to wear something more normal then they wouldn't get attention. Same thing with actions, someone who chose to be loud, make a speech, do something, make a crime etc. Chose to make that action which resulted in attention, wether or not that was the intention.

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    • Nvm i read this wrong. I thought it said attention. In this case i think it depends. There could be peer pressure from friends and society on what people should be attracted to and find beautiful but people are also going to be involuntarily attracted to people they genuinely like.

  • You can not choose you attract to. It just happens. You can not control. It is either there or not.

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  • I don’t think it’s a choice at all. When I’m attracted to someone it just happens.

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  • Attraction is not.

    Acting on it, is.

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  • Yes and no

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  • It can be

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  • Nope. Most definitely not.

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  • Hell no

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  • Uh no

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  • it's biological

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What Guys Said 19

  • Initial attraction is not rational. However, you can choose whether to believe that attraction is beneficial or not. You can choose to disregard what you find attractive, based on intelligent input. You can gradually train yourself to change what you find attractive. You can also choose to nurture an attraction, and to identify yourself by behaviors adopted in correspondence with the attraction.

    This is what is discussed in reparative therapy, when clients complain that a past event has messed them up and they now suffer with unwanted same-sex attraction. They are offered methods to gradually overcome the attraction, or reprogram their brains to associate attraction elsewhere. However, they are made aware that just because they're attracted to someone, doesn't mean they have to pursue that someone. Nor does it mean they have to pursue certain activities with someone - especially if it violates their personal knowledge or beliefs, or is objectively dangerous.

    Learning to make peace with the self, even amidst unwanted obsessions and attractions, and the heart of counseling and therapy. However, it also makes these victims more capable of resisting the advances of deviants and predators. Therefore, the deviants and predators push for politicians who then push to outlaw these very specific forms of therapy. That way, their targets legally cannot pursue the means to overcome destructive lures.

    This is why the bans against reparative therapy in many states are so heinous: they tell molested teens suffering with SSA that even if they have the desire to avoid the LGBTQPIZ circle, they are legally obligated to join the rainbow cult anyway, and ignore any risk they put themselves in by doing so, and are obligated to blame it on predetermined acceptable third parties!

    Legislating mandatory dysfunction like this, just to aid predators, is political sociopathy. Yet, it is the "new normal."

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  • I don't think it's a choice per say. You're body and mind is geared toward a certain "look" and personality. Once your mind determines this, then you can decide if this is the best choice or if you still want to keep looking.

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  • Physical attraction is very clearly not a choice. it's a biological instinct to promote mating, obviously, just like hunger. What you do about it on the other hand is a choice.

    What if there's a really hot person but their personality's trash? You're still physically attracted to them, but you're not acting on it because you don't like them. It happens.

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  • I think it is to the extent that you often get more attracted to the people you spend time with. So, choosing who you spend time with can indirectly affect who you are attracted to.

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  • I don't think it is. How can you choose to not be attracted to someone you are attracted too? It's almost oxymoronic. You have the ability to "choose" what actions to take, but you can't change your attraction.

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  • yes. coz when you attracted to someone you can still control yourself weather or not to go on with the flow of the attraction?

    It depend on the people though. some can, some just can't.

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  • yeah it is sometimes but when you choose to be attracted to someone it fades quickly. i have done it and i usually lose interest again after 5 minutes.

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  • I am often attracted to women with nasty personalities.
    Wish I wasn't, but I am.

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  • Its not a choice. Sometimes u get attracted to someone from the first time u meet them and sometimes u find that u started to like them after knowing them better.

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  • Yes. I'm attracted to milf's and cougars man !
    the only type of women i want.

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  • "People fall in love in mysterious ways", Ed Sheeran

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  • its something that you need to learn to control if you want to avoid real problems

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  • people choose who they like, well where I am. solely based on looks. Nothing else.

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  • i don't chose to be attracted.. it's not a choice

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  • It's complicated, I will explain in the comments

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  • This can't seriously be a question. Of course not.

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  • Just like how sexual orientations aren't a choice either.

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  • well let me ask you a question, did you choose to like what you like, or did you randomly one day just see someone and get a boner? yeah thats what i thought. we never choose what we are attracted to it just happens

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  • Nope or women wouldn't be sluts who sleep with alpha males

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