Was I unkind unnecessarily?

So I spent 6 months talk to a woman. We arranged 4 dates but she bailed on all of them, but continued to insist she was still interested, just shy. She was too shy to talk on the phone. I really tried to find a way as in the end I was just feeling sympathy for her. Kind of like I wanted to date her to help her develop her confidence.
Eventually I developed a relationship with someone else, so I told her that I had a sixth date with someone else and wanted to offer to be exclusive with that person, do kinda ,"sorry you have missed the bus". It must have been a but if a blow to her, and she said she want to keep talking if the date did not go well. I said I would be in touch if my situation allowed it.
Anyhow, yesterday after 5 weeks she starts messaging again. ,"How was that date." I made pleasantries, but did not answer the question, as things are going very well. She kept insisting, so eventually I let her know that things had developed into a "full" relationship, however we have not made an exclusive commitment to each other. She was a bit gutted, but I kinda feel she had her chances and did not take them. Do you think I was unnecessarily unkind - I did try to avoid answering the question.


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  • You were polite enough. Its a two way street. She has to come and get it. I would personally never entertain a girl so much if she bailed on 4 dates in the first place!

  • Sounds like you’re pretty considerate to me. You can’t put your life on hold for her. If she wants to date she needs to step up. You don’t owe her anything. She had 4 chances. How much more can you give her?

    • It might have been kinder to ghost her. Or say something different, or even date her - I would not see that as being too unfaithful at this point. Truth is I could not be bothered with her. Unless it was a guaranteed hook up with anal and finished off with a swallow, I just can not be arsed!

    • Total backflip in your manor.
      No you don’t just use someone. She obvouslly has issues.
      You did the right thing. Ghosting her just leaves her abandoned and confused. By letting her know why you moved on gives her a fighting chance for the future. She knows her issue and can work on it. In itself that’s an act of kindness. Leaving her with nothing is cruel.

    • Of course - I was being a bit flippent!

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