Why are women so negative about dating?

New member of the site and I don't want to start a gender war so gonna stay anon.

I've been using hinge for the past few months and have gone on about 10 dates off the app and most of the women were actually pretty cool - there usually wasn't any mutual feelings but they were ok nonetheless.

But one thing I've noticed is that almost every woman so far has complained about the dating scene, and not even just online women but female friends too. I just don't get it though, women have so many more options and freedoms nowadays so why is there so much bitterness coming out? Men get rejected a lot more than women and in all honesty I don't hear about the shitty women nearly as much from my guy friends. I mean I guess complainers do exist (mgtow, mras whatever) but it's not nearly as much as the women.

Anyways I'm not trying to start a gender war - I'm just legitimately interested in knowing why this is the case?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Here’s where your mistake lies.

    1. Only attractive women get “many more options”. Not the average or okay-ish looking women.

    2. In online dating sites, women usually get messages from a LOT of perverts, not well-educated civil men.

    3. We’re not negative about dating a hot, handsome and tall man. I can assure you, if those men are the only ones who messaged us in an online dating site, that’s the only place where we’d go to seek for men.

    • 1. Yea but even the average looking woman still has a lot more options than a good looking man, so I don't agree with that. Here's an example: I'm actually in my last year of med school with plans on going into cardiology residency - any mother's dream son-in-law, and yet I have never received a first message. And yet am I complaining that all women are evil because they don't want to date me? Nope. Meanwhile some unemployed 30+ single mom has more options than me.

      2. That I could see happening, fine, agreed.

      3. I'm not saying that... of course not... who would be? I'm talking about the dating culture in general.

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    • Thanks! This is actually very interesting. But I did notice something peculiar- the girl in the first link didn’t actually know that men liked women who made the first move. Do you know how shocking this is for me? Just like that first woman, I didn’t know that men actually prefer women to make the first move sometimes. The second one shows a person who is trying to encourage women to show their interest if they’re “freaking out about whether or not you should just buck up and make the first move”. Because this is what girls do.

      so back to your original comment- this isn’t a “cop-out” commonly used by us women. Simply put, MANY women don’t know that men actually think this way. It sounds like a great thing though. But as I said, making the first move doesn’t mean you’ll be the only one putting in work. Lots of men confuse 50/50 effort with total effort in pursuing someone. I’d like people to understand that there should be equal effort.

    • I would love it if people actually understood this, to avoid things like “I don’t want to text him/her because I’m afraid he or she will think I’m desperate”. This is like the most commonly used excuse to not text someone first. And sometimes it’s because we don’t know if the other person wants us to text first (in this case I didn’t know most men wanted it tbh)

What Guys Said 2

  • First of all, if you don't want to start a gender war, then don't ask gender biased questions. Being anonymous doesn't change that, it only means you're too cowardly to take personal responsibility for your choices to begin with. If you're really the end-all, be-all catch every mother in law would love, show your goddamn face!

    Men and women both still suffer from the sins of their fathers & mothers. Women don't have "more options" they actually have fewer. Women simply suffer rejection less; that's not the same thing. Between being possibly seen as desperate or trashy for making the first move, women are more likely to be taken advantage of for doing so. A man who has no interest in a long-term relationship is far more likely to sleep with a woman just because she made the first move, regardless of her hopes & expectations.
    Also, having what appears to you to be more options is actually just an abundance of trash. An average woman might get a dozen dick pics in a day, maybe 1 or 2 accompany any dialogue, almost none are attached to completed profiles. Imagine you get a dozen messages every day, but all are just pictures of stacks of money and/or gifts women expect you to offer before they'll even chat with you. Are those real options? No, absolutely not.
    What you're really looking for is justification for being jaded about not being approached by the quality women you desire. Which is almost exactly the problem most women have: they're pissed because they're not getting quality offers and don't want to risk their own pride to rejection.
    Your complaint makes you a hypocrite. Either man up and take some risks, or sit back and pray that some woman sees your value the same way you see it, and makes the first move. But claiming that women have it so easy while you employ the same tactics they do, to matching success, just makes you look like a brat. No matter what your other qualities, that will NEVER land you a quality mate.

    • "First of all, if you don't want to start a gender war, then don't ask gender biased questions."

      Bias is a strong word. If I ask why men prefer to have casual sex over relationships, does that make it a gender biased question? Nope. It's me asking why men prefer casual sex over relationships.

      " because she made the first move, regardless of her hopes & expectations."

      No, that depends on whether a man is personally attracted to her.

      " jaded about not being approached by the quality women you desire."

      No, I'm asking why women seem to go into the dating scene with a bit more negative air than men, from my observations.

      " Either man up and take some risks"

      And I didn't do so by going on 10 dates in the past 2 months - which let me add - I initiated?

      "Your complaint makes you a hypocrite"

      An observation that a 30+ woman has more options than me is not a complaint, merely an observation, from which I was curious why, given such freedom, many women complain about dating.

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    • I literally countered every one of your points, in order.
      Grow up.

    • No you didn't. You just posted some poorly organized incoherent ramblings lol

  • Young girls have fairy tale notions about dating and the guy who will "sweep her off her feet." The reality is far different than their dream. Young guys just want to have sex but they don't have an expectation of actually getting laid that often. They would be happy to have sex with the girls they date and usually decide that sex isn't happening because they (the guy) aren't saying or doing the right things.

    • I see. I mean I guess that's true - the common complaint was that every guy just wanted sex but I don't get it... I mean isn't that what you're supposed to do on a second or third date? To me, having sex on a second or third date is a lot more realistic than being swept off one's feet. I mean being swept off one's feet is something that happens like six months down the road... doesn't it?

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    • If you date with any frequency at all, someone is going to say untoward things about you regardless of what you do. Many very fine women do not want to become sexual until they have some commitment. If you eliminate them from your dating world, you are restricting the potential genetic complement of your future children.

    • 10 dates in 2 months, I'd say that's pretty frequent ahaha. No I can't say anyone has said anything bad towards me other than calling me a prude (because ironically I didn't want to hook up with her). But to your point, she was kind of a shitty person. Oh but I don't want kids I might add

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