Guys, he's text flirting with other girls?

So I caught my boyfriend texting other women. I snooped through his phone. He said he was just flirting with them. He didn't sound like he thought what he was doing was wrong at all. Then he said nothing good came from what I did and now I'm not happy. But he said it as if only I was wrong.

Yes, snooping was a bad idea. But does that mean what he was doing was okay? Shouldn't he still apologize and acknowledge what he did was wrong?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If it has reached the point of snooping AND finding out he's texting other girls then there's a fork in the road.

    You need to set the record straight and sit down with him, tell him you're serious and say that you're no way anywhere near happy with his behaviour.

    You need to tell him you feel uncomfortable with it and he needs to stop. You found out about it as you were curious and maybe suspicious... you're not an idiot.

    If he projects the problem back onto you then perhaps you need to find someone else or be single for a while. As you might end up that way anyway if he decided to follow through with anything (been there and got walked over and cheated on... don't believe the lies. Be YOUR own person. Own it)

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    • I understand his anger. It is a breach of trust on my part. But that's all he's making this about. Nothing about what I found or did. He's just defending himself by saying how much he does for me or likes me. That's it

    • He doesn't appear to be listening regardless. Yes you probably shouldn't have snooped and can understand that he might be naturally angry about that. Though even still he should recognise that he is still at fault too and should respect that.

      He basically doesn't know how to handle the situation or what to say to you So he's using what you've done as leverage to cover up the original problem.

      You need to take the reigns. Apologise for what you did but underline that you're hurt by him talking to other girls. Potentially tease breaking up... that should work.

    • Thank you!! I completely agree that THAT should have been his reaction - recognizing what he did too was wrong. But instead he is using the situation as leverage to make it all about what I did wrong.

      We're on a break right now. But even this break to him was ALL my fault. What I brought it on us Brevard I looked through his phone.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Yes it was wrong for you to go through his phone but in retrospect, you've discovered a big, bad sign. The fact of the matter is that, no, you're not wrong and it might be time to have a serious discussion about where this relationship is headed. Him texting other women is a sign that he's bored/stuck in a routine and looking to escape

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    • I agree. There must be a reason he felt the need to text other but women. He just doesn't want to admit it

    • I hope you have a serious discussion with him and/or change up your routines.

    • At the moment it's hard to have that discussion without him erupting at me. I'm apologetic yet he just keeps going on about what I did. So in his mind it's one sided. And I'm only sorry for so much. What he was caught doing was wrong

  • Flirting is OK
    esp. IF you are too busy to put a hand in his pants often enough to quell such a "need"
    Snooping is A-OK
    esp. if dealing with a sneak

    If you have satisfied him sexually and he admits it, then this ribald guy will never be all yours... go shopping for a replacement

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    • We have a pretty active sex life. I come on to him every time. It's actually him that doesn't initiate. I usually have to be the one and sometimes he even stops me. So he can't complain that I hold back on him when I always try to put my hand down his pants

    • Kudos to you
      leaving me only guessing that he wants a change... to be the pursuer + see if other gals find him as attractive as you OVERTLY do, more than most gals IMHO
      This a game YOU can play as well.
      Easiest way to start is to get his cooperation to role play as strangers in a bar, then he can come on to you (or vice versa) while both chatting up others... and wow spectators with how brazen one's advances are and not rebuked... announcing upon exit together... time to go to bed

  • From a moral standpoint, it was wrong for you to go through his phone. However, since you were right about his behavior, I'd say the action was warranted. Don't make a habit of it, though. It comes across as possessive and paranoid.

    Maybe the better question is why (or whether) you want to stay with someone who you feel the need to go through his texts.

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    • I like your approach.. it was definitely wrong for me to do it. Yes, I found what I was looking for but it was still bad. I have never snooped on anyone before but this time I felt something was up.

      I could have easily lied and told him I didn't Snoop and played it another way. But I thought to confront him so I can be honest and hopefully we can fix or discuss this. I want to be with him because I do love him and that I believe he is truly good. Humans have needs and maybe he just has issues we can both discuss. I saw a future after this.

      From a moral point of view, is what he did right?

    • Not even a little. I'd make allowances if he genuinely didn't know and is going to fix it, but I would expect knowing that to be pretty basic monogamy.

    • Isn't it? I mean I can ask him too how he'd feel if he found out if I was flirting with other guys? Planning to meet up. It's not like we have an open relationship

  • Often goes go from less bad to worse if he doesn't see this as bad. So if you didn't check his one and one of the girls decided to meet up or whatever, the chances are he couldve gone the direction of cheating. I dont know your boyfriend, but thats what most do.

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  • no doubt that what he did was wrong.
    he's just deflecting the conversation, and finding reasons to justify his act.
    you should do what my mom used to do when we were little, and ask this:
    "who started?"
    and you get your answer.

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  • Yes he should apologize he's just trying to get away with being a player

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    • And maybe he didn't meet up with these girls he was flirting with but it still doesn't make it okay, right?

    • Yeah its the fact that he was flirting in the first place

  • What he was doing was not ok. He should flirt with the others sneakily, making you unable to find out. Regards!

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    • So you're saying it's okay but as long as I don't find out?

    • @Stella517, when you are able to find out his sneakiness 1) He does not care 2) He is too stupid and both things are not OK.

  • Texting / flirting is cheating... he is a cheater and he will not change... you dont need to apologize... but you need to understand how men and women work... what drives them... sometimes subconciously...

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    • I did apologize for snooping because it was wrong. But he doesn't see what he did was wrong or won't admit it at least.

      What did you mean by how men and women work?

  • Since he sounded like he did nothing wrong he probably doesn't care about you or at least not enough to care about what you think so IMHO I would leave him

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    • That's the thing, I don't know if he even thinks or knows what he did was wrong. All he can see right now is that what I did was wrong. And I get that I was wrong.

      You really think he doesn't care much about me? Or he thinks he can walk all over me?

    • When did this all happen? As far as you snooping through his phone

  • He's trying to hook up and see if he can get someone better than you coz he doesn't like it that much

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  • If it hurts you and he knows that but continues. You will have to decide if you can stay with a man that does this.

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  • Absolutely... text-flirting is a form of cheating, testing the market, even could be a sign that you guys are not working out together as well as you were thinking...

    1. a way to find out you might be single soon, if he can't show you a legitimate reason why it is the a forced Topic that needs to be handled immediately...

    2. might be a way for answering questions that he can't ask of you..

    3. I have never cheated on any of the women in my life, thought about it a few times... and the solution is, you can't fix a problem with another problem...

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    • He can't justify why he's texting these girls. He can't even fully admit it. When I told him I saw the texts he didn't even admit to it, he just got angry I went through his phone. He didn't care about what I found. When he did mention it which was really quick and in passing, he still mentioned it in a way that it was my fault. That I shouldn't have looked because now I'm upset. No sorry, nothing.

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    • I believe in Trusting one another... and The phone is a personal item that is off limits...

      i would never go into your purses, wallets, planners, or phone... Those are the last little bit of personal property and privacy we have to ourselves...

      I am truly sorry for the situation you are in, It's one of those things that might cause both of you to end things on a bad note... Possibly a little timeout for peace of mind purging...

    • I believe in personal privacy. But my gut told me something was up. So I looked at his phone in hopes to perhaps silence my fears? I was hoping I'd be wrong. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship. But he broke my trust too once I read the texts. Maybe it was just flirting and he didn't meet up with any of these women but it's still hurtful.

      We are on a break right now. I have to think if this is worth saving and mending. Or if this is my queue to leave.

  • He should definitely apologise and talk to you about it.

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    • I know what I did was wrong and I apologized. But I think he needs to too. He still did something wrong too.

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    • Thank you. I just wanted to confirm that even if what I did was wrong, that doesn't take away the fact what he did was when wrong too. It doesn't make what he did alright

    • Cool cool. I hope it all goes well for you :)

  • He is not sincere with u u r just an option for him

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    • Is that why he gets so defensive when he was confronted? Because he got defensive and said I shouldn't have been insecure and then listed all the things he does for me

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    • U need to follow me to message u I already followed

    • Can u follow n message me

  • No it was not okay. Maybe he is not that into the relationship

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    • After almost a year of dating? Then why even stick around?

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    • I just wanted to confirm that I'm owed an apology even a small one. Yes what I did was bad but what I found he was doing was bad too. And for me I don't think that just because my bad behaviour was done on to him makes what he did ok.

    • Exactly. So better make things clear. Either he wants this or he does not

  • Nope. Being in relationship and without a consent.
    He sud acknowledge n apologize

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  • Then talk to him

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  • Yes he should and not do it again

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  • Thts really bad one should be loyal

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  • cut him

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