Is it bad to slut-shame sluts?

I had a conversation with some female friends and we ended up talking about casual sex. I personally find the concept pretty gross. I would be significantly less interest or maybe lose all interest in a girl I liked if I, later on, found out that she has/had a bunch of casual sex. Look, you can hook up with as many guys on tinder as you want. You can do it every single day if it makes you happy. It's none of my business unless you're my girlfriend. My friends argue that it's bad to shame girls who are sluts. And by slut, I mean the literal definition of it, someone who has multiple casual sexual partners. The reason why it's bad is that it makes them feel ashamed about their sexuality.

I'm not the spokesperson for all men. Just because I find you repulsive doesn't suddenly mean that no man is ever going to love you. It literally only means that one single guy on planet earth doesn't want to put his penis in your vagina, and that's probably a good thing for you. "I'm attracted to girls who aren't public cum-buckets" isn't exactly an unrealistic standard.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If someone isn't directly involved with that person they have no reason to care. Sex feels good let them fuck around, as long as their not running around home wrecking or taking advantage of others I don't care. Not me, not my business.

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    • I guess the main thing which I didn't formulate properly was if it's a valid and fair reason for avoiding involvement with a girl. Because I honestly don't think a girl would give a shit about some dude finding her sex life repulsive. Their response would probably be "Damn, X is boring. I didn't think he was a prude" and not "Oh no X doesn't like that I'm a slut!! I might as well end it all."

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    • Yeah, it's just that a lot of girls who when they were younger had a lot of casual sex feel embarrassed about it as they get older. So it can take time to discover it. I actually had that experience personally. I found out that she had been sleeping around with soooo many guys. It was actually shocking to me. And it really ruined our sex life because I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore. I didn't straight up break up with her because of it. But it did mess things up.

    • OK that I could understand can't really help you out there though, do what you feel I guess. Just know not all of us are out here fucking it up literally lol just like not all guys are. I don't hate or judge people sex is good but if it was my actual parnter I'd be turned off too.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know that it is wrong, but it is definitely showing that you are not compassionate to what may have been going on in her life at the time. I am a pretty firm believer that there is no such thing as casual sex, and that women who want casual sex, and claim to be happy being single, are really just deluding themselves. The reason being that I have never met a chronically single woman who didn't really obviously hate her life.

    ALL THAT BEING SAID: SHOULD YOU SHAME HER FOR NOT BEING SELF AWARE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT MORE PENIS WON'T MAKE HER HAPPIER? No. That would be mean.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 10

  • Yeah it kinda is. It's okay for someone to like sex and engage in it freely, hopefully safely too. It's also okay to not want to be with someone who does that/did that, it's your preference and you're entitled to that. But, you shouldn't shame someone because of something they want to do with other willing people. If they sleep around with other people while they are in a relationship, then you could maybe slut shame them.

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    • Yeah I don't think it's slut shaming to not date girls who had a lot of sex in the past.

  • I understand where you're coming from and if that's your preference then that's your preference and no-one should shame you for it. Just like you shouldn't shame others for their choices and lifestyle. So it's fine to not want to be with someone for those reasons as long as you don't put them down or be mean about it. Everyone should have the right to live as they like without others being cruel to them because of it

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    • Oh, I'm perfectly fine with people "shaming" me for it. Me not enjoying casual sex is a valid reason for losing interest in me. Just like it's valid for me to lose interest in a girl after discovering that she has casual sex.

    • I didn't say it wasn't valid for you to lose interest in them I'm just saying not to be mean to them for their choices

  • You had mention that you couldn't care less if one did/did not engage in casual sex unless you were interested in the girl and that's completely fine. You hold the view of sex to a certain value; everyone has their personal values and standards in which they look for in a potential other. I personally don't view your standard as unrealistic, as I can understand that the thought of a potential lover's past sexual history may/may not affect the way one view's him/her as a whole.

    However, just because you have varying views to your friends; where you stand on your views doesn't mean that you're "slut shaming"... unless of course you use the label "slut" to call a girl who partakes in casual sex.

    I don't like derogatory labels. I simply state that I'm one who prefers being intimate with one I'm committed to and that I care for a lover who shares the same values, I leave it at that.

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  • Slut shaming, fat shaming, gay shaming, white shaming - gee what’s up with all the shaming?

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  • Yeah it's none of your business.

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    • Thank you, they act like there are no guys who have a lot of casual sex for them to be with. But I guess the core issue is if it's a valid reason to not want to be in a relationship with a woman/man.

  • Nope

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  • What’s a slut?

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  • If you a ho, you a ho.

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  • Yes. Why shame someone for their sex life?

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    • Now since your preference is someone who doesn't nor hasn't slept around, then that's fine. But shaming someone for being very sexually experienced is wrong.

  • And if a girl said the same about a guy?

    The point is a persons worth shouldn't be determined by the number of their sex partners. Its shitty of you to devalue someone for something so little.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I personally agree with you. I don’t like these types of women either but I don’t necessarily outright shame them. Today in society, these types of women are already given a bad rep so women are hesitant to engage in this behavior. I think it’s something we should discourage as I think it’s unhealthy for society and the women themselves that engage in this behavior, BUT depending on how you go on about this endeavor will determine if it’s ethical or not.

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  • I think its fine but lots of people will freak out about it so you're probably better off keeping those thoughts to yourself unless you are around people who have the same perspective.

    Also if you need to dump/reject a girl based on her sexual history, it is in your best interest that you don't let her know that her sexual history was a contributing factor.

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  • if women want to have fun they have as much rights to as the guys who like to have fun too. dont like it then thats fine but dont judge them as bad people. also if you are not from the west or you are from the bible belt in america you must understand other cultures dont share your view on sex

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  • "The reason why it's bad is that it makes them feel bad about their sexuality"

    Did you hear what you just said? If anything its the exact opposite as they feel open with their sexuality and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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  • People wanna' have fun. Let them. Judging is just virgin manlet behavior.

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    • Luckily not a virgin anymore! Not a manlet either. I literally said that they can have sex with how many guys they want. All I argued is that it's also a valid to not want to be one of them.

    • Only a manlet would come to a forum to ask people to agree with him that it's not OK to have more partners than himself.

  • it the 21st century, the sexual revolution was 50 years ago meaning women can be sexually free.

    You might want to contemporize

    as well as improving your language. it seems apparent you have real issues with women and respect for women

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  • Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? What would your father say? Did he bring you up to talk about people that way?

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  • Different people, different lifestyles

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  • Are you really even shaming them? All you are saying is that you don't want to be with them. That is a preference.

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    • He's definitely shaming them by insinuating theyre dirty and straight up calling them "cum buckets" which is clearly derogatory

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    • @jimyee
      i agree after seeing the whole post.

    • @jimyee Oh, I would never seek a confrontation like that. The specific situation was if a girl I was in a relationship with turned out to be a slut. Or a girl I was asking out/who flirted with me flirted with me turned out to be a slut. I argued that it's rational to lose interest in her due to what being a slut entails. And my female friends argued that losing attraction is in itself shaming sluts.

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