I am developing an uncontrollable, but also uncomfortable love towards my therapist. Is it wrong for me to open up in a non threatening way to her?

As part of therapy I opened up to things I haven’t opened up to people before (mum, girlfriend, friends etc), and for some reason, the more I engage with her the more I develop feelings.

Its like after every session I feel more closer to her. She’s very kind, listens to me well and understands me. Which is a big thing as I’ve never really opened upto people before. She’s also pretty but not a 10. But I don’t care I just have developed something deep for her.

I am thinking of opening up about this to her. Not necessarily to act on it as I know she is forbidden even if she wanted to for 2 years, but to get it off my chest and also to perhaps solve it properly maybe as part of the therapy.

For the record I know I shouldn’t date a therapist as it is very dangerous for me (she can emotionally damage me in ways people cannot imagine)

any advice or thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should open up to her about this. As your therapist, her primary task is to help you sort and work through your feelings. In order for her to be able to help you address those feelings, she first needs to figure those feelings out, and the best way for her to do that is if you openly share them with her.

    Depending on how strong your feelings are, how much you're willing (and able) to curtail those feelings, and what the therapy itself entails, she will either address them as part of the therapy, or refer you to a different therapist. Either way, it's important for her to know how you feel, because it directly implicates her effectiveness as your therapist. If you're more fixated on your therapist than on your therapy--or worse, if your success in therapy is owed to your feelings towards your therapist--that is not a therapy you are going to benefit from in the long-term.

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    • Thank you for the advice

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is probably what they call "transference," and it probably wouldn't hurt to tell your therapist you're having those feelings. She's trained to be able to understand them and be able to deal with them.

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    • Yeah I am thinking of telling her. But I am afraid to come across as a creep.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You should tell her.. I think you have a hardware times opening up to people and now when you're being all exposed in front of her.. it's making you emotionally vulnerable.. it's her job to listen to you and understand you so it's nothing different or personal for her.. but it's a new feeling for you which makes you think that there must be something else.. you should ask her why you're feeling like that and I'm sure she'll understand you and give you a reason for what's going on in your head

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    • Yeah I think I’m going to suppress my emotions till we make a lot of progress with other important stuff. Leave it to the last. It’s not like I’m losing sleep with her on my mind.

      What did you mean by hardware?

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    • I’m open with people actuslly..

      But Some of the things I can’t open to people. Even with girlfriends or close friends as i know for a fact it will change their opinion of me.

  • Emotional transference. It’s not real.

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    • What do you mean it’s not real?

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    • “I have developed something deep for her”

      That’s just a crush to you? Mkay.

    • Yeah that’s a crush. I’ve developed something for a girl I dated briefly where I saw nothing but her for years. I was obsessed. But now I’ve beaten it. I don’t think about her nor do I get feelings like that with anyone.

      So that deep feeling. Is something that I keep to myself and not show to others. But it’s relatively small compared to before

What Guys Said 5

  • ":She’s very kind, listens to me well and understands me."
    Yeah... that's cause you're paying her...

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    • I’ve seen a female therapist before her.

      I can sense the difference between one doing s job and the one actually caring

  • This is more common than you might think. It might be emotional transference, or it might just be that you're genuinely attracted to her.

    Either way you must tell her. And yes, telling her will probably result in referral to another therapist, but it's the best thing you can do for your recovery.

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    • How soon should I tell her. Wait till we sort out other stuff? Then tell her.

      Because it’s not like I think about our future when I see her. I actually focus about my problems

    • You should tell her right away.

  • Sounds like a thing you should talk to your therapist about. There's like a 90% chance that you're going to be recommended to a different therapist though.

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  • They don't call him the rapist for nothing. Crafty bastard.

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    • Just kidding. But I think it's normal. I've had crushes on my teachers, doctors, dentists, orthodontists. I wouldn't open up. Just let it slide.

  • Why do you want to open up to her?

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    • Because of the nature of what I share with her. I feel something different with her. Something I haven’t felt with my ex.

      I feel really close to her. In a really caring way

    • Just let it out tbh. I don’t want it to stay in me but also maybe we can work out why I have a crush on her and maybe fix it

    • Hopefully you've run through all the scenarios

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