Feeling unappreciated?

I bought my boyfriend a $300 gift for Christmas and he got me two star wars shirts and lotion from bath and body works. He always asks for expensive gifts and I try my best to make him happy. But I'm starting to feel like he puts in half the effort on making me happy. Last year I bought him a $150 poster and a $100 watch. And he got me a $25 scarf still in the khols bag he didn't even wrap it... Am I being selfish and unappreciative because I expect more?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, you're not being selfish, especially since he asks for expensive gifts. But the thing is, you guys are young and young people (I would say, young men in particular) are often completely clueless. I actually don't have a lot of respect for guys who ask for expensive gifts like that, but I guarantee that if you confront him about it, he's going to think that you're being greedy and petty. My suggestion? Just stop doing gifts entirely.

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    • Exactly! Which is why I'm confused if I'm being selfish or not now. I feel like stopping the gifts.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah I’d be upset too. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to show someone you appreciate them. He kinda half-arsed it, didn’t even bother and expected an expensive gift for himself in return. Even though it’s an awkward topic, try bring it up & see what he says, he might not even realise.

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    • I did he got mad. He claims I didn't tell him what I wanted for Christmas. Then he took me to the mall and watched me buy myself what I really wanted for Christmas.

    • So you paid?

    • Yeah I bought what I wanted to make myself feel better. He encouraged me to buy it.

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What Guys Said 19

  • It sounds like you're having expectations. However I did spoil my ex too much. 2 year relationship was nothing but me paying for everything and spoiling her. I once paid for her plane ticket and the first thing she said to me was how she was sad it wasn't a window seat. Smh... she dumped me and it hurts but I think im better off in the long run.

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    • We've been together 3 years and I normally don't ask for anything. But I think during Christmas or your birthday or Christmas you wanna feel just a little bit special.

    • You're right. It is weird if he has money to spend that he doesn't spend it on you. I just regret spoiling my ex cause she really didn't do anything to deserve it, I had such a big heart and thought we'd last for ever. Just ask him about it, or simply stop buying expensive things even though you want to. Thats what I did. For the last 6 months of our relationship all I bought was food for us. Even on her Birthday I didn't even get a card because everytime I got something for her she would think I did it to control her which is so stupid.

  • Sounds like you both are. Gift giving shouldn't be a contest nor should either of you expect anything. Next time he asks for an expensive gift, tell him that you can't swing for it anymore and need to have money just in case something happens.

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    • Your probably right. I just get upset cause he gets whatever he wants for Christmas from me and his parents. I don't have parents so the only person I'm getting gifts from is him. And I just wanna feel a little special for Christmas.

    • Express that to him. Even if gifts are something that's hard for him, you need to tell him that you're feeling left out and let down. Communication is so important.

    • @LoveBirb
      exactly. communication is the corner stone of a relationship

  • Then tell him. Communicate with him, if you are saying nothing then he is not going to know. Yes he probably should have figured it out but if you are doing nothing to let him know that this is unfair to you then he is not going to get it, clearly. If that does not rectify the problem then dump him.

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    • We've been together for 3 years we have had the talk more once. Lol

    • Then dump him, he isn't willing so its not worth it. Or keep doing what your doing and have the same results. Its that simple. If you keep allowing it then he will keep doing it. Now I will state, you talking about it is different then you timidly offhandedly mentioning something that might be construed as being upset with the situation. The fact is most women refuse to properly communicate and outright state what they are thinking which is the root of most of their problems. So if you have talked to him, and by talk I mean not hint, not suggest, not ask, but actually stated outright, "Why do you ask me to buy you expensive gifts but then you turn around and give me cheap ones, why do you think its fair to skimp on me but expect me to buy you expensive things? I don't appreciate that and it really makes me feel like you don't care.", that kind of talk, if you have done that and he has continued then yes you need to dump him because its not going to change.

  • first of all its super silly you are spending so much money on gifts - use that money for something useful instead!

    secondly you can't buy love. if you are going to buy him gifts, then do so because you want to give him gifts, not because you then expect something in return. if all you want is gifts, then tell him that you are materialistic, be honest about it at least

    thirdly yes he doesn't seem to care about gifts so much

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  • Just talk it over he might even be guilty that you keep pampering him and he still doesn't even know what you really want. As you dont really give him any sort of wish list so he is left with just guessing what you might like.

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  • Not at all. A relationship is 50-50 try either pointing out an expensive thing or two that you may want, or get him a less expensive gift, and see how he reacts.

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  • He doesn't put in effort. Seriously if u were my girlfriend and did that for me i would have given something more valuable than u give me. He doesn't appreciate your effort. Wait and see and if he doesn't change talk to him.

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  • Don't think about it too much and put equal effort and money into his gifts as he does to you. Im assuming he's as rich as you (if he's poorer then give him a break ;) )

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  • No, if he ask for that, he should give you gifts on the same level, talk to him about it, and see if you can sort things out

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  • No he ahoukd value you but if you dont tell him he may not realize what he is doing wrong remeber guys and girls think differently next time tell him how you feel he will more than likely understand

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  • I'd honestly just not buy him those expensive gifts if you feel his gifts are shit.

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  • He shouldn't be telling you what to get him and you either. Also depend on his financial situation. I'm sure he still cares

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  • Have you tried asking for expensive gifts yourself?

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  • You give gifts as a gift expecting nothing in return if you work 2nd something in return you do to let yourself down always

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  • he should try to make you happy.
    if he didn't do that then he don't love you

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    • or maybe he have short money.
      maybe he can't afford expensive gifts

    • He makes more then I do with his job.

    • then its not fair.
      he should care about you and your feelings

  • maybe he doesn't have enough money

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  • Money don't matter as much as love.

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  • I always get my woman better gifts then she gets me :)

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  • Some boyfriend. I've been dumped for worse lol

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What Girls Said 5

  • I think you guys should discuss a price limit or be very obvious about what you want. It's hard not to be disappointed when you get something you don't really like, even though that isn't what gifts are about, I understand your disappointment. You need to have a talk with him.

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  • No, I don’t think so. If he asks for these expensive things, he should be reciprocating in some way. Maybe not in gifts at Christmas, but in experiences throughout the year.

    If I were you, I wouldn’t buy him these expensive things anymore.

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  • since when is relationships about how much money you spend on each other XD why does it matter? if you consider your worth in a relationship through gifts that are expensive then you need to change your mind set

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    • I think she's talking about effort and how he seems to just get whatever he finds on his way there kind of thing... not about money

    • Show All
    • look my boyfriend doesn't even get me gifts xD i think the most he has was like a little figurine. But you know what I loved it. the best gift he ever gave me was a heart warmed letter to me. Im just trying to prove a point that gifts aren't anything. I probably spent 500 and more on gifts for him and he was greatefull of it but i didn't put pressure on him to get me gifts of equal value or more.

    • But a nice letter is waaay better than some shit you picked up at the dollar store just because you had to make a present...

  • No, he seems to half ass it. He could've at least wrapped the scarf!
    It's not about the money but about his thoughtfulness- you buy him nice things and he doesn't for you.

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  • If he can tell you that he wants you to buy expensive gifts for him. I don’t see why you can’t ask him to do the same.

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