Do men think a single woman who has kids is damaged goods?

  • Yes they do
    Vote A
  • No they don't
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have another thought here, I would not care if the girl has good chemistry with me. Particularly when i care for the kids and she doesn't think its not my business. Else, you will get love of mature lady; which is like you get love of girlfriend as well as care of mum :D hahaa

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I imagine that would depend on the life experiences of each man and what they want out of a relationship values wise. Some it will appeal to, others not so much, like anything really.

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What Guys Said 46

  • I've dated single moms, no biggie. My main concerns are not having to deal with the shitbag fathers, and that the woman isn't using her kids as a weapon against their father. A woman who uses her kids as weapon is an instant deal breaker.

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    • As a weapon? How does one do that? Use their kids as WEAPONS you say?

    • So for example, refuse to let the father have any visitation rights. It's one thing if the dude is a drug addict, because then he's not safe. But if you don't have any legitimate reason to keep him from his kids, and you're just doing it to be spiteful, then you are essentially using your kid as a weapon to hurt somebody, and it's one of the most shameful things a person can do.

      Sorry for the confusion.

    • Ohhhh okay, I understand now, thanks for clearing that up. Yes such behavior is indeed deplorable.

  • To say a single mother is damaged goods is pretty fucked up. Whose to say she didn’t escape an abusive relationship or had to quit being in a relationship because their SO had addiction issues and she was forced to be single. Very ignorant question.

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    • The reason I used that term is because it came up in a simple question I asked about single mothers before. Some gagers not just one... did use that term as a description. So no offense intended, simply seeking honest opinions. It delights me that you are so passionate about the situation. Very encouraging. You are maybe the fifth or sixth responder that made me see maybe there is hope yet. So thank you.

  • Good question.
    I don’t think damaged goods, have dated women with children before but it never got to a serious stage.

    Now I’m looking for a woman that has not been married and has no kids, ideally. But that’s because I want these things and want us to experience it together.
    If I had kids or had been married before I would be less fussed about this.

    That said if I meet somebody I really like then that’s all that matters.

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    • So her having kids means you cannot sill experience having a child together? Also isn't it better that she would have some experience in child bearing/child rearing matters, so that there would be less stress on the relationship at such a time?

    • Of course not.
      It’s idealistic yes, and it would not stop me if I met the right person but I’d like us to experience marriage and kids for the first time together. A shared journey if you will.

      But yes there are other advantages if she has been married before or been a parent before.

      Put it this way. A pal of mine lost his wife.
      He is away to get married again. None of us are saying oh remember last time etc
      Also his new girlfriend does not want to be reminded of his previous wife.

  • It's not so much as being damaged goods... but damaging to her kids if she shacks up instead of putting the focus on raising and nuturing her kids. The good guys notice this and avoid those woman. The want to be a hero (caption save them) also known as the controling type loves to pick those woman up.

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    • But these are all based on the assumptions that
      1. Said woman cares more about finding a man that raising her children the right way
      2. Said woman does not care about the type of influence a man she is with would have on her children.
      3. Said woman is needy and thinks being single is like a curse lol
      None of which are usually the case unless said woman is uneducated and thinks she can't survive without a man. Hence this question was not about the effect on the kids or what she should be doing (that you already assumed isn't being done), rather simply what men think when they find a good woman who is single, but has kids.

      So I'm guessing some men such a yourself automatically presume she is wrong to want love ever again or until her children are really old? I mean this all good naturedly by the way, so don't get too heated with me lol

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    • Never in this question did I say that I personally am looking for a man. Hahaha I find your way of making assumptions amusing. All I asked, the only thing I asked is for the perspective of a man seeing a single woman who has kids. That's it. But thank you for the obvious concern.

      On a personal note... I do not trust people around my boys at all. I don't even send them to daycare because I am that conscious about the environment they grow up in. My sweeties are very small baby/toddler, and my biggest fear is someone trying to hurt them without them being able to voice it. In no way, shape or form am I looking for a man lol. I am also extremely aware of their feelings and I would never introduce any man to them that I did not know for years on my own. I actually make jokes about being set for life, and my mom is actually the one who gets exasperated as she says, "You might still get married!"

    • I am also extremely aware that any man I might ever bring around will influence my children's behaviour, sense of self and general ways of being. Now just because I am not looking for a man doesn't mean that I won't be open to it if one should come along... He just has to be really good since I do not take such important matters lightly, and do not believe in casual sex or friends with benefits. So don't worry about me, but thanks for caring. I just wondered about the state of mind of a man looking in on a single woman who has kids :) Enjoy your day!

  • Providing resources and emotional support to raise another man's offspring is self-loathing and unnatural behavior. She has less time for you, less energy for you and you're always third in priority (kids > herself > you). You will have problems and drama with parenting dynamics and you'll eventually hear "stfu, you're not my dad".

    Why any man with an ounce of self respect would put himself in a situation like that is completely beyond me.

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    • But doesn't that depend on the arrangement?
      Some guys actually don't want a girlfriend around on the regular but maybe bang once or twice a week, have a nice night out here and there while the kids happen to be with the dad. For those types of guys, it may actually be ideal.

      Granted, there's a lot of stuff to look out for.
      That her relationship didn't actually collapse due to her being a shitty person or her ex is some criminal fuckup,
      That she's not really playing a long game trying to rope in a Provider #2...

  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(e).gif

    I don't think so. It always depends on the situation and relationships are never so simple.

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  • Why do you even care, you have kids and they are your first priority, and you need a real man in their life to show them their path and protect. Not a boy with dick only.

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    • So being in a relationship means you're ignoring your kids? They stop being your first priority because you're with someone? That's not even what this question is about but I had to respond because your logic seems off.

    • Show All
    • Short story short, if you have children you shouldn't care much about it and care more about your children, and get a man that will rise with you the children

    • As Neal said also

  • depends on her age. if she is 22 with 2 kids and no father in sight then yea. but if she is 35 with 2 kids and a stable job then I would not think twice before dating her

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    • So as long as she is stable on her own and not needy (financially or emotionally) she is seen as just a regular chick?

    • well age is pretty important to me. financial stability will be second

  • Not damaged, but used. I can afford brand new so I choose that.

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    • I can respect your statement.

  • Single women with kids are stronger than most men. Don't give up, you're amazing.

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    • Well this is surprising! Pleasantly so. Thank you for your kind words.

    • Well you are the provider and the anchor point for you and your children, no man coukd ever replace that strength that you have given and shown. Be proud.

  • A lot of men want a single woman to build a family with, fresh. They don't want to come in to her life when she already has kids with another man and broke apart with that man later on. Each case is different obviously... especially with widowers which is a very different scenario.

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  • Definitely not damaged goods... single mother's are most usually strong, independent, focused, driven, surviving types... whatever they got away from, whatever their situation is, that is part of what makes them attractive to me. I am also a single father, just fyi

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  • I prefer a woman who can handle life. Mad respect, coming from a single father that shit is sexy

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    • Hmmm, again very surprising. Lol thank you for this haha

    • Your all good mama, if a guy doesn't call you hot mama or play with the milf card at all its not right. Seeing you happy would be my ideal day with yuh. Have fun and find a great guy we are out there

  • Depending upon how you became single, it probably means you have made serious mistakes.

    If you are a widow of a good man, then no, you are not damaged goods.

    If you were never married in the first place, then you had to make a whole string of bad judgement calls.

    If you were married, then divorced, then why would I consider some woman who some other man rejected as not good enough for him?

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  • no not necessarily. a person can be damaged good regardless of being a single parent. being a single parent certainly doesn't necessarily make you damaged goods

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  • Can't vote because it depends so much on age bracket.

    People in their 20-30s are often firmly against dating a single parent, but look at the dating behavior of singles/divorced and widowed people in their 40's and up and it looks like most men of same age really don't care much whether she has children from prior relationships or not.

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  • I'm not going to devote my time and money to be a provider for someone else's kids, thank you very much. If she's independent and comfortable in the situation she's in, then why not, though I still wouldn't feel okay being in a relationship with someone who already is a parent (but that's down to my own life situation and inexperience with relationships, it's not her fault).

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  • I don't think they are seen as damaged goods. But they have a lot of extra baggage that most guys don't want.

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  • yes , she either had wild sex with random dudes or was with a really shittty guy or she was so bad he had to leave her (he knew she had a past, had issues ran away) , so yeah a single mother is rarely decent to begin with.

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  • It seems the real issue here, is that single women with a child, seem to have a much more difficult time finding men who are interested.

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What Girls Said 8

  • god. these guys are disgusting.

    a single mother isn't damaged, nor is she used.

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  • I think "damaged goods" is too harsh, but I do see that some men don't want to date single mothers. I don't really blame them as I don't want to date a single dad myself.

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  • I have seen a lot of single mother's start over again with a new man. I think the mentality now is that a single mother is a great mother, and therefore has proven she can raise that man's child.

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  • Unfortunately it's more common than you would think. Its almost as though women are expected to tattoo "Stop I have kids" across their forehead.

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  • lol no man what some other dudes left overs i wouldn't

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  • Some of them do.

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  • Many men think that

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  • I would hope not, that would be not so nice :(

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    • Haha at the thumbs down I guess your one of those idiots

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