Why does he think he is a terrible boyfriend? How do u heal a broke heart?

I don't understand my boyfriend. He lost his job, his mom is going through cancer. Life is pretty much slapping him in the face.

This Christmas he couldn't get me a present which i didn't care. Tho I bought him a 50 dollar gift. Its our first Christmas I'm just happy to be with him & his family. When I left he told me he wanted me to keep bothering him cuz he has been unattentive towards me

Which I did but he wasn't really responsive. He then texted me saying he was a terrible boyfriend. I told him he wasn't, he is just depressed & trying to work. When we r together he gives me lots of affection. I don't think he listening tho. He has been in horrible relationships. One according to his family his ex finacee cheated on him constantly with men & women 4 like 10 years. It was a on & off relationship. His family hated her.

I think there is more but his grandma said he should tell me. I just don't know how to heal a broken heart. there's damage that she has placed there. I just want to heal him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I find most people who have low self esteem almost seem to enjoy hating themselves. They say fatalistic nonsense such as they were "destined" to be alone and they are "unworthy" of love and affection.

    He needs to find the will to persevere within himself and press on regardless of what anyone thinks of him or what stands in his way. He needs to realize that this life is IT and he needs to frantically enjoy every, single, last, fucking, moment before he vanishes from existence when he dies.

    I never let go of the shackles of depression myself until I just go fed up with it all and was determined to do things MY way and FUCK everyone else! The people worth while will always love me for who I am so long as I am empathetic and reasonable.

    He needs a push, something to snap inside of him that will give him the resolve to live life on his terms and stop pitying himself.

    Good luck! I've tried to mend people like that but they're always too stubborn. Perhaps you can be more patient.

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    • That was pretty deep.

    • Thank u. Its going to be a tough road. Like u said people like that are stubborn. I was one myself til I snap out of it. Now im in college with a 3.0 gpa.

      I want to show him he can achieve this too. He thinks he is stupid but I never heard of a stupid person who has built his own computer before. I guess I have to be patient & wait 4 trust first.
      P. s love ur senran kagura icon of haruka!

    • You're welcome and good job on your grades. If he can build a computer than yeah he's definitely selling himself short. I bet someone sweet like you will have a good chance at helping him snap out of it, you sound pretty nice.

      "Tits are life, ass is hometown."

      Haruka is my favorite! I love how she dominates practically everyone like she was born a dominatrix. She has pretty good style and is great for an icon as you mentioned.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should continue to be there for him until he learns to trust you. When somebody is abused that long - it takes them a long time to unlearn the behaviours they experienced for so long and to realize that abuse isn't normal and shouldn't be tolerated.

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What Guys Said 20

  • God works in mysterious ways maybe somebody's trying to tell him that his mom has not a lot of time to live so maybe everything is happening for a reason maybe he's supposed to be there to help her through this so he doesn't regret not spending time with her while he had the time to do so everybody looks at the negative when things like this happen but in the long run a lot of good comes out of it and I don't mean that by his mom having cancer I mean turn the situation into a positive one he might not be working and one day see something on TV or read something in a book then might cure her or help her you can't heal a broken heart the person has to do that themselves but what you can do is Project positive thoughts and show him the way to get through this is by treating his mom and all the people around him the way that he would want to be treated if he was the one with the cancer sometimes in a bad situation people curl up into a ball and don't want to think move they just want to sit there and feel numb when that happens nothing happens everything is at a standstill he needs to step up accept everything that's happening show his mom what kind of son she raised and I'll smart tough and badass he can be when the chips are down

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  • Just hold him tight and tell him whatever happens you'll be there for him.

    But only do this if you're prepared to stick by your words, because if you go back on them you'll only propagate more trust issues

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  • The fact that you care is probably the most meaningful cure out of all medicines.
    Time always works, and he just needs something that will lift him up, so lets hope it comes soon.
    Dont let him be alone so much, and I wish great health for his mother. <3

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  • He'll himself with time, you have to be patient if you're going to hold his hand through his hand.

    The hard parts for you I think will be those moments when he asks you that he needs time alone, and time alone is essential for anyone going through a serious introspective review, just don't let him indulge too much in it.

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  • He is suffering with depression is the reason he feels like he's a
    bad boyfriend to you. The only thing you can do is give him positive feedback
    and let him know how much you care about him. I think he should be
    getting counseling for how he is acting cause he needs help for his
    depression.

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  • I think you are on the right track on healing him. You care and worry enough about him to ask us for opinions. You're a great girlfriend and he's aware of that. Just stay as you are and his wounds will heal as Time Passes by.

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  • Just be there. I was in a bit of a dark place myself some time ago. My girlfriend pulled me back by just being there. Depending on his personality type, make him talk to you. My girlfriend continually asked me to open up about all the crap going on in life. When he sees that you really truly care and will remain there for him, he can begin to heal.

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  • You can't heal him. All you can do is be there supporting him, remind him of his good qualities, and remind him that this terrible time will not last forever.

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  • You're undertaking a very large and notible task. In his mind, he probably considers himself a failure. A failure to everyone in his life. he's depressed so he will obviously say things like, "Why are you with me. I'm such a mess. I'm a horrible boyfriend" even if he knows he's better than that. Healing a broken heart takes time, and if you really do love him, you have to be strong for him. Just remember, little step towards the goal.
    My girlfriend went though a lot too for her last 13 years, she had scary severe depression, but I am proud that I managed to nurse her broken heart from almost nothing to what it is today. You will sometimes get mad at him, sometimes want to rage quit, sometimes want to break up, but if you do it, you will have the end goal you wanted.
    Say you love him, tell him you will always be there no matter what, tell him you will never cheat, prove your love to him, prove to be there no matter what he is sad about.
    That is how you heal.

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  • The best thing you can do is to be there for him, and be there for him if he chooses to talk about it. It's less detrimental than trying to force an answer, which in turn will force him into a deeper place.

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  • Unfortunately it's hard to heal someone. Basically all you can do is be there for him and be sure he's safe. Just talk to him and tell him you want to be there for him

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  • He is depressed to a serious point. Guys don't usually deal with emotions so this is serious he needs you now more than ever he is in crisis.

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  • You know how when you show up to work late and you feel all guilty about it and you're kind of sheepish and quiet for a while until you realize everyone else doesn't really care and they continue to laugh and suddenly you're laughing and your positive attitude begins to build back up until you are normal again. This is kind of like that just at a higher level. Is not permanently screwed up and everybody suffers does tough times in life. These are the times that help us to grow and learn from experience so that we may help others that can't handle it as well later on. Happiness and positive influence will be the key to gaining his confidence back. Strength of character is built on such experiences in our lives.

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  • Keep on showing him love it takes time for stuff like that

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  • Run away. . sorry. . but you'll see this is the best advice.. Run. Run now. Run today.

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  • You can't. I think it's all depend on him? You can really change people character easily.

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  • You can't only time and a longtime time with trust and compassion will help you with that.

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  • Maybe he should seek professional help like therapy. And I know you only got him the gift cause you care for him but from his side. It's something to make him feel worst about being he was unable to do the same for you. In my past relationships we got to where we refrained from getting each other anything and then planned like a weekend get away together. I feel the experience ends up being more meaningful and lasts longer in the long run. And that would have bought him more time to be able to equally take care of you when he became able.

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  • Just stay with him. Let the time do it's job.

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  • He sounds broken. There's usually no coming back from that. He's a lost cause.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If he's trying that's all he can do and just support him... If he gives up there isn't much you can do past that point, it's something they have to crawl out of themselves.

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  • You seem very kind. I think patience will be key in this relationship. It takes time to heal.

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