Help me understand this logic, because I don't get men anymore?

I made the first move on a guy I had a crush on who used to work with via Facebook.
I told him that if he's single, I would love to get to know him. He said he is and he would love to know me too.

We were texting for two weeks and on last Friday night he called me and asked me out on Saturday, of course I agreed. After the phone call, he texted me some inside joke while out with his friends.
The next day, I heard nothing from him so on Sunday (just before New Years Eve) I texted him "I don't understand" which replied by saying "I'm apologize for last night, I should've called. Sorry".
I didn't reply to that because I was kinda upset.

Then on Monday, I saw he was tagged in photos on Facebook, apparently he was celebrating with his family at his parent's house with his ex-girlfriend. They were together for 5 years and have been broken up for at least a year.
She was celebrating with him and his family. They were hugging so I guess the got back together.
I'm sorry but I don't get it. Just two days before that he asked me to go out.

Am I overreacting or today's dating culture is so f***ed up that people think it's okay to do this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I salute you for making the first move and don't let this discourage you from doing the same again.

    He wronged you and I get the feeling that he was already talking with her again when you approached him but he wasn't sure if it would work out with her so he kept you as "back up"...

    I'm sorry that you went through this and I know that there are other guys who would deeply appreciate your efforts. Guys like me for example 🙂

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    • Thank you for that comment!!! :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh the same thing happen to me too! The only difference is that my guy wasn't that long with his ex (now current) girlfriend, they were dating for like 2 months and then she wanted a break because she wasn't sure that she likes him. And he fell for that, he basically waited for her for a month to make up her mind, and then I jumped into the picture by asking him out (I had no idea about her). He stood me up for a date and never explained himself, I found out they got back together from a mutual friend.
    So, yeah, this whole dating scene is fucking terrible. People are playing with other people's feelings like it's a game and think it's perfectly fine to lead someone on and then disappear just like that. It's one fucked-up, selfish game. He dismissed my confession like it was nothing and now is acting like it never happened. When it DID very much happen, in fact I had my hopes up and I literally had to gather all the courage I had to make the first move, IT WAS A BIG DEAL FOR ME. And I would really appreciate if my move on him was at least acknowledged with a nice rejection and an honest apology. Sadly, I still see him sometimes because we have mutual friends and hangout all together often. But the saddest thing is that it's not gonna work out with that girl and I'm afraid he's gonna regret how he treated me. No, actually, that's not the saddest thing. The saddest thing is that I'm STILL into him.

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    • I'm sorry it happened to you. I can't believe he didn' t even apologizd.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 24

  • He had a stronger and already established emotional connection to his ex. What's not to understand? That should be something a woman should understand very much.

    Oh, well, it was a real dick move for him to not even text you to let you know he wasn't coming.

    Is that your issue, or is your issue that he chose the girl he had a long history with?

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  • If they are still on friendly terms... Nobody can switch off 5 years of history... Especially other family members...

    Doesn't mean they are back together again...
    But some people take promises less seriously than others...

    For me... If someone takes their promise/agreement with me lightly... That means they don't value me very highly in their life...

    Fair enough... But I'd just move on and not waste time on someone who's wasting my time...

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  • Reading your question/statement , I suggest you to describe things in detail..
    From the amount of detail you have added here, its not possible and inconvenient as well to give an opinion

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    • Well sorry for the above comment, it was just a mistake... My opinion is you should move ahead and maybe he was trying to take on you just for a time pass and was not at all serious... as soon as he got back his ex.. you were nowhere in the scene.. so conclusion is you were just a piece of time pass for him.. so you must leave him and all things behind and just have a new start in a new year

    • Thanks for your comment. Which details are missing?

  • Who knows, but he isn't worth wasting your time on. If he was already back with her, he's a cheater. If his family invited her over just that night or something and he decided to go back with her, he should have just been straight with you. Either way, don't beat yourself up over it. People are great at disappointing others.

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  • Because men's droughts of going without texting and women's droughts are not the same. Women don't want a man to go over 3 days but men can handle it with a woman goes 10 days without texting.

    Split the difference and go 6 or 7 days and you'll be safe.

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  • Lets just say... you LOVE eating spaghetti, like everyday.. even though you need to prepare it and cook it, but u love so much that u do it anyways.
    but yeah, most of the time you will have that box of mc and cheese where you can jusy heat up and eat😁 well yeah they r almost the same thing but you will garante that you havw something quick to eat in case u get bored of your delicious spaghetti lol one is good but 2...3.. always better lol

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  • No, you're not overreacting. He was incredibly inconsiderate but did you a favor of sparing you his wretched company.

    You dodged a bullet. The whole situation fucking sucks but that's the bright side of it.

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  • It's messed up. It really is. I don't do sh*t like that, but then again, I'm older. We had different rules.

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  • this guy was your choice, your choices are bad as I see you need to be more smart, take your time and choose the right guy then you would never write something for us with a broken heart

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  • You asked the wrong guy out, need a more mature man, today's boys play video games and could care less about girls

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  • You are absolutely not overracting.
    You are right in every aspect of the story. Sadly he is too bruised so you wouldn't want to put yourself in a place of a "rebound", annochan.
    I really dont get people. 5 years of relationship, ok. thats decent...
    But braking up for 1 year, time passes...
    Why being stuck on and in your past? Thats just peculiar.
    Furthermore, I may guess something you might not like.
    there's a big chance that he was talking to his Ex the whole time. with you and her simultaneously, and the "meeting" of them was her "plot", that went pretty perfectly according to what she wanted.
    I hope he didn't use the relationship and texts with you, just in order to attract her back.
    I've seen spineless men who wave with their "new" lady friends...
    and try to make their Ex jealous.
    sadly it actually works a lot for them.

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  • well he was interested in fucking u. not in a serious relationship. now he has the chance to get his beloved ex back. the interest in fucking u is gone.

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  • it's very unhealthy for your emotional health to spend lots of time with someone you are broken up with... maybe he doesn't know that.

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  • People are low down and dirty when it comes to relationships nowadays... its totally f***** up and loyalty is almost non existent it seems like

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  • I think you have every right to be upset. This Is indeed fucked up.

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  • I don't understand your last question: No, you're not overreacting in terms of being allowed to have hurt feelings, but "today's dating culture" has nothing to do with what happened to you. That shit has been going on for decades. Since time began. Whatever. What I mean is it's actually pretty common... and it sucks. He obviously was interested in you, a *little bit.* And obviously you simply wish he'd been interested in you *a lot.* Which is totally fine on your part. It just didn't happen.

    Unless it will happen. I mean, "they were hugging" doesn't necessarily mean much. Or it could mean a lot. Why don't you ask him?

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  • Yes and no. If his ex's family was there to no, but her alone then I would be upset to

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  • The mistake you made was not talking to him further when he said he was sorry. Silence is a killer.

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  • Your right to be annoyed and lucky cos u wer on the rebound

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  • Sorry to hear that...
    Most guy are retards...

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What Girls Said 5

  • He probably still has feelings for his ex but since they were broken up he didn't think it was wrong to say yes to you.

    I asked my guy the same thing, if he was single and wanted to meet up. He said yes, but he told me later he was with his ex for 3 years and they had been broken up for 6 years. Men... I think he just wants to show off that he's so "desired" by women that he would flaunt that he is still with his ex to you!

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  • Oh dear that's not nice.
    Sounds pretty simple but I think you may have dodged a bullet with that one.
    Hope you find someone who truly deserves you!

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  • That’s the dating scene today. It’s tragic. All the options leave you with zero option.

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  • I'd have been upset too

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  • 1. Don't be so deep in the Facebook creep that you know she is his 5 year ex.
    2. Guys are stupid and forget stuff like that. Obviously he needs to make it up to you because he didn't call, but don't be mean about it
    3. You are making assumptions on his character and you can't tell him who he can and can't hang out with. You can tell him how it makes you feel down the line, but right now his interest in you would be a zero because of this obsessiveness

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