My parents do not approve?

So It is new years once again... exactly a year after I met this wonderfull guy (we met on New Years eve). And what a year it was, I have grown so close to this human I came to love so dearly. It is tragic actually because i feel more myself with him than than anyone ever before. Never had my soul felt so wild and ignited, yet so safe.
But my parents do not approve and do not want me seeing him. I have tried everything i could think of to give them a chance to get to know him. Weve been separate for more than a month now... feels like im dying inside by the way.
He got himself mixed up with bad things when he was younger and is connected with people he cannot dare escape. And because of this i am not allowed to see him anymore.

Just a little bit of advice from the older and wiser?
I must seem silly like a love struck teenager

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, your parents aren't wrong. I know you really like the guy, and I was kind of with you right up until you talked about his troubled past. Yeah, it's not really his fault, but because of his situation, you can get caught in the crossfire and you could end up in a bad situation. He is indeed a danger to you. As much as you don't want to believe your parents or me, and as much as he has said and "proved" you'll be safe, it just cannot be guaranteed. If he can't distance himself from the bad things and people, you will be brought in to it and you'll end up shot or arrested just because you're with him. I know you're unhappy with your parents and I know you care for this guy, but he will get you hurt if you go with him.
    And I have to ask, if you know about this guy's troubled youth and his current rough situation, why isn't that enough of a red flag for you? Are you blinded by love that you can't see the potential crime that you're going to get involved with? Because I'll tell you right now, as much as he may want to keep you and the bad stuff separate, at some point they would overlap. Even if you don't get involved directly, you'd have to identify a body at some point, bail him out of jail, or visit him in a hospital or prison. And if you had kids with him, what sort of situation do the kids get in to? They get in to the same danger you are in. Not to mention having to bring them to the jails and hospitals and prisons and funeral homes. And imagine how that would affect their childhood?
    Yeah, stay away from this guy. No matter how much he truly loves you, you're going to end up in a situation that a stand up nice guy that had a good childhood would not get you in. I'm sorry you ended up in this situation. Your parents don't misunderstand. You're just a little too in love to see what they see.
    So the smart thing that will keep you safe. Don't do the thing that your heart is telling you to do. Give your heart a vacation and think with your brain only. What's the smart move, not the romantic move?

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    • No i get all that, i might be young but I'm not blind. I know these things. Honestly it is not as bad as it seems, I got myself acquainted with some of these people too some time ago... before we met and he did everything he could to literally distance me from it all. I can barley go out at night alone these days without him worrying and texting every two seconds to check up, yet id still find him guarding the corner still to keep me from crossing into scary biker territory

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    • Everything will find its own way

    • If you don't want to put an end to this, then don't. But this sort of lifestyle has drama that doesn't end, ever. I worked with a guy who grew up with the bad crowd. At 40+ years old, he was assaulted, broken eye socket, broken ribs, punctured lung, and he was puking up blood. How do I know this? After the assault he still came to work. He should have been in the hospital, but because he needs the money, he's working, despite trying to leave that lifestyle. Two months later, I get called in to cover his shift. Why? He got shot. Two days later, he's back to work. He moved away from the city to get away from this and it followed him. What happened to him in the city? His son and the mother of his son were killed because they were caught in the crossfire of a driveby, and he ended up spending 7 years in prison where they held the country's most nutorious serial killers. You may think your guy will never be in that situation, but in that lifestyle, one thing always leads to another.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Listen to your parents, silly girl. You're telling us how protective he is of you. Good sign he is also very possessive. If you ever want out of it, will he let you? How about any future boyfriends you get, will they be safe from fury? Maybe guys will avoid you for your history with him. You just feel powerful and special - like you have tamed a lion to do your bidding, but remember that the lion can switch irrationally and will bite your head off.

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    • Don't call me a silly girl.

      Im free to walk any day i want... i know possessive and he's not it

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    • I see. I always had the impression that making a living from an arts degree is harder work than most other fields because of opportunities available.

      I think passion comes naturally when you're doing something you're good at, and because of that a foreign field does not inspire passion. Hence I believe in following opportunity instead of passion when it comes to education. You expand your mind and become inspired, take an opportunity and become very passionate about what you do, because you do it well.

      But you kids nowadays won't bend an inch, hehehe.

    • Well i see things a lot differently. I have never minded working hard for anything, especially if its something im passionate about... I fell in love with the world of Art at a young age and would only allow myself to actually practise and study it when i was older knowing that that i wasn't unhappy as a child just oppressed.
      I have the means and skills to do more with an education than they believe... and i will prove it.

  • Not older, and probably not wiser, but you are an adult. You can do what you want, just remember that they have a reason for not liking him, and it goes with the bad things and bad people. If he is involved with that, you will be too. Be careful with him

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  • You're 19 right? At what point do you think it's appropriate for your parents to stop controlling your autonomy? You are basically an adult at this point, I suggest explaining to them that whilst you respect their advice, and will happily listen to their opinions, they need to recognise that you aren't a little girl anymore, and they can't protect you forever, and you need to be free to make your own choices even if they turn out to be mistakes. Tell them this boys not taking you away from them, but this is a relationship that to you feels based on mutual respect and affection.

    That being said, I'd tell you that regardless of the situation, but your last few sentences (speaking as a parent) throw up a lot of red flags to me, unless he's involved in a criminal gang, or some sort of cult, he can escape if he wanted to, and if it is a criminal gang or cult, then id also be concerned, not for your safety, but for the tendencies of young lovers to drag each other into their messes.

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    • Maybe suggest a compromise, perhaps a trial period where you can see each other on their terms (he can come round to your house for a meal or a movie) or maybe ask your dad if he can help this young man escape his past, if he can give the boy some advice or help to make himself someone that your dad would be more willing to see with his daughter.

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    • Just because for now you have to interact with them doesn't mean you can't have emotional tools prepared to deal with the situation in a mentally healthy capacity. At the end of the day, I dont know you, I can only offer my most sincere advice. If you want to add me on Facebook, I'm more than happy to continue talking about it if you need to (an online safe space, who doesn't have a clue who your parents are). You can find me at facebook. com/ my username

    • I use sarcasm... its a great hit. It makes my brother and gran laugh.
      But yes i understand what you're saying

  • Volg die roete in jou lewe soos jy sien as korrek, vertrou in jouself en jou keuses.

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    • Ahhhhhhhh... ja uhm. Hahaha kay oraait goed dan😂😂😂 jy weet hier rond werk dinge boetjie anders. Jy weet want ouers is konservatief en n dogter behoort vir ewig aan hulle

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    • Hou net aan probeer, dit sal regkom.

    • Ek. weet dit sal. If its meant to be it will

  • I don’t know

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