He is scared I will cheat because of my body?

My boyfriend was drunk last night and started telling me things he wouldn't tell me while sober. He said he wants to love me he is just afraid to because he always thinks I'm out of his league and I have a good body that I'll cheat on him. What? He was with a girl for 5 years that cheated on him and he said he is terrified to fall in love with me in case I do the same so he keeps me at a distance but he wants to be with me.

He always tells me he loves me now after last night I don't think he does. I am attractive, and people say I could do better than him but I love him so why would he worry about that? What do I do? Does this mean he doesn't love me and never will?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Does this mean he doesn't love me and never will?"

    Geeeeezus you're daft. No, it doesn't mean that. Because he says he wants to love you but is terrified that you'll hurt him like that other broad did by cheating on him. He doesn't trust you and thinks its just a matter of time before you do cheat in him. If people are saying you can do better then he knows eventually you'll start to think that. You'll start believing everyone else that you're better than him and before long you'll be blowing some other dude. He knows this and it scares him.

    So what do you do? Reaffirm your commitment to only him. I'm sure he does love you but he's not all in because he fears you're not. As long as you keep faithful to him and show him that then eventually he'll stop feeling so inadequate that he fears losing you.

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    • I sent him a text asking if he will ever stop keeping me at a distance. He ignored it but I haven't seen him since last week because he chooses to see his friends and drink every night instead. so he does keep me at a realllllllly big distance, I don't think he fears losing me

    • It's a coping strategy.

    • He's coping by never seeing me and ignoring my texts? I don't know. I miss him and want to see him and haven't seen him since last week and during his days off he is choosing to go out and drink and not see me. That doesn't sound like someone who fears losing someone or am I wrong?

Most Helpful Girl

  • People tend to say how they really feel when they're drunk. You should be careful here because it's either that he's scared because of the fact that his ex cheated and is psychologically affected OR he's using the fact that you are better than him to steer you away from him. I never believe it when people say the 'out of my league' thing because if you are blessed with someone who is gorgeous and loyal and loves you why would you look for a reason to let them go? If you love him he should love you back and cherish all the moments with you, not look for excuses to make you not love him.

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    • I think he's genuinely scared after what happened with his ex. This guy would never tell me emotional things like this if he didn't mean them, he keeps things to himself so I think it's true. He doesn't want to break up with me

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What Guys Said 27

  • I think he loves you but the fact that he was cheated on and now he's dating a girl who's out of his league is a perfect combination for him to feel insecure rather afraid of falling in love again and it is something he should worry about, since he's not sure how long this love is gonna last before you're fed up with him.

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    • I thought I would update: I saw him in person the next day and asked him about what he said while he was drunk. He said can't remember saying anything and got really annoyed when I brought it up. He said didn't wanna talk about it. He got so defensive! The thing is he said these things through text while he was drunk so it's not like he can deny them 😂 And he seemed coherent enough to type long texts. I'm confused

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    • I'm beginning to think he was just drunk and made it all up. Kind of a weird thing to make up though. I don't know and guess I will never know haha

    • I guess you won't what he was thinking about then , best of luck though !

  • People say a lot of things when they are drunk. While it's usually true, every one is different when they are drunk. He showed his insecurities and I'm sure you have yours too. People might even share the wildest sexual fantasy with you when they are drunk, but that doesn't mean they want it for real.

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    • I thought I would update: I saw him in person the next day and asked him about what he said while he was drunk. He said can't remember saying anything and got really annoyed when I brought it up. He said didn't wanna talk about it. He got so defensive! The thing is he said these things through text while he was drunk so it's not like he can deny them 😂 And he seemed coherent enough to type long texts. I'm confused

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    • No because he refuses to even see what he said. He won't let me talk about it at all and he gets angry if I bring it up so I can't even ask if what he said was true or not

    • I would say talk to him on a matter of principle. It doesn't matter if he said it or didn't say it, but if he is unwilling to let or remain calm when the girl he is in a committed relationship with shares what's on her mind, then why be in that relationship? It's more than just about what he said, he's being childish and immature. You're the one that has to deal with it and he won't even let you speak.

  • He's scared of your relationship precisely BECAUSE he loves you.

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    • No he doesn't love me. He said he is scared to fall in love with me which means he hasn't yet

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    • That's just it - guys aren't like that. If we say we're scared to fall in love, it means we already have.

    • So you think he does love me? Hmm didn't think of that to be honest

  • It's a pretty common reaction when you are not confident about yourself, you think your girl will leave you for someone (supposed) better, even more if it already happened. Try to make him more confident about himself, to sho him that he's the most important ma' in your world, and make those people shit the fuck up. If you want this man, he's the best in your eyes, no matter what others think

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  • no that means he does love you, sharing insecurity's with someone is something most of us guys don't do. unless you mean a lot to us you ain't getting to know our deepest fears. this guy trusted you with something not even some of his closest friends would know. id say if he's legit he probably likes you a lot more than he is willing to admit.

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    • I thought I would update: I saw him in person the next day and asked him about what he said while he was drunk. He said can't remember saying anything and got really annoyed when I brought it up. He said didn't wanna talk about it. He got so defensive! The thing is he said these things through text while he was drunk so it's not like he can deny them 😂 And he seemed coherent enough to type long texts. I'm confused

  • As long as he isn't too insecure about cheating and starts getting jealous, be happy. If he thinks you are out of his league, he will be far more grateful to be with you.

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    • You would think that but he's not. He's keeping me distance like he told me. he doesn't seem grateful

    • If he hasn't done that kind of thing before, you are probably alright. There is a personality type that is very jealous and continuously attempting to control everything you do and always asking who you are with... If not, console him and try to reassure him you aren't guy shopping and that dancing is just dancing. I took a dance class and didn't ask many girls to dance and one of the regulars approached me and told me to forget I'm married and just enjoy myself. We we switched partners regularly in the lesson.

  • can't be with a person who has a fear of commitment due to trust issues. he's gotta work those out before he can successfully be in a relationship

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  • You answered your own question: he's scared you'll cheat because his ex cheated.

    Unless there's something else you didn't mention I don't understand why you'd even be worried that he didn't love you?

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    • Because before last night when he is sober he always tells me he loves me but last night he said he is scared to fall in love with me which means he doesn't?

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    • I thought I would update: I saw him in person the next day and asked him about what he said while he was drunk. He said can't remember saying anything and got really annoyed when I brought it up. He said didn't wanna talk about it. He got so defensive! The thing is he said these things through text while he was drunk so it's not like he can deny them 😂 And he seemed coherent enough to type long texts. I'm confused

    • Yyyeeeaaahhhh... That drinking is really concerning...

  • He loves you he’s just scared to be with you because he doesn’t want to get hurt again because cheating takes a chunk of your confidence and trust away and it’s hard to rebuild it

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  • No!
    He is in a state of anxiety! he loves you but is self conscious of himself and thinks that
    1-He isn't worthy of you
    2-A better looking guy might snatch you up
    3-Your friends might change your mind
    4-That he isn't treating you like you want
    5-Most of all he is afraid of the truth.

    What you want to do is try to give him some security and if you really love him then you will stick through this with him and help him through it even in the rough parts, it won't be quick and it won't be easy but if you truly love him then stay with him then it will get to him.

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  • I don't understand what the issue is. He said he has a fear that you may cheat on him... Ok, and? He can't control that, if you do cheat on him than you aren't worth it and he should dump you for doing it. That should be the standing truth of all relationships.

    Unless he's following you around and hiring PI's I don't understand why this is an issue. Just don't cheat on him or break up first if you want someone else in the future. Is this fear of this manifesting in any ways to bother the relationship? If not, why even worry about it.

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  • Well, with a guy like that you would have to earn his trust, before he will give you his heart.

    Its upto you wether you wanna do it or not.

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  • It's a normal thing if your attractive. Tell him you love him more then yourself. Every person worried about her girlfriend and feeling insecure.

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  • honestly do what you can not to change how he feels but to express how you feel about him show him dont just tell him how much you love him and see if that helps im not talking like eat his ass like the last slice of pizza not really sex but show him you mean more to him than just being out of his league ya know let him know why you love him and tell him if he satisfies you sexually if not then talk to him about how he can because the sooner the better wait a year and you go that long and end up being un happy and then you hurt him by cheating or leaving stop the issue before its a problem and that applies to every thing try to be honest with him and ask him to do the same cause obv there are some things you both may not be telling each other and you really should be so it does not get out of control

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  • Well I mean if he was cheated before of course it may happen again and he doesn't want to be hurt.

    So he keeps you in a distance to be cautious so in case something does happen he won't be as devastated as what happened with his previous girlfriend.

    I think in general a lot of guys, except the jack offs, find women that are out of their league to be intimidating and that the ride will eventually be over.

    Cause when I think about it if she's out of my league then she probably won't stay with me that long. I better prepare myself for doomsday because it will come at any moment.

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  • It sounds like his last experience with the girl that cheated really hurt him deep. Honestly, I would be honored that he opened up to you (drunk or not) so candidly. He is, quite frankly, terrified to be hurt again the way he was hurt in his last relationship. 5 years is a long time to have invested in a relationship for it to end so badly and he is terrified to give his heart away to you because he already knows what it feels like to have it crushed. Be patient with him and continue to show him that he can trust you and that, though you might be "out of his league", you love him just the same. I think he'll come around.

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    • I appreciate his honesty. It just seems he's more his ex even though they broke up over 2 years ago and haven't spoken since. It just feels like he is going to keep me at a distance forever and he will never want a relationship properly so I don't know what to do

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    • Sadly, you are in sort of a lose-lose situation. If he is in denial, then he will not talk about it and trying to force him to talk about it will probably push him further away. Unfortunately, ignoring it and moving on leaves you in the same, original predicament. You are in a "rock and a hard place" situation. I wish I was more help here...

    • Yeah he won't discuss it at all. So I'm not sure if he made it all up while drunk or what. He never discusses his feelings it's so hard to talk to him!

  • So make believe him that you are really made for her

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  • I understand him completely. Don't give him a reason to think you'll cheat
    and he'll trust you.

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  • I think this mean he does love you, you don't usually get jealous if someone you don't like or love

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  • That just odd he should at least believe u

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What Girls Said 5

  • He doesn’t trust you and likely won’t unless he learns to do so. Is it worth it to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you? It wouldn’t be for me.

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  • Just because his ex cheated doesn't mean you will. Make sure he knows that.

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    • I told him that I'm not his ex, I'm a different person. His reply was I know, you're way better than my ex but he's still scared so I don't know what to do

  • This is my honest opinion. One he's not over the other chick. He still thinks about her actions and haunts him in which brings him insecurity. One must surpass their insecurity in order to move on. It's not something easy to achieve we all have it. But some more than others. He needs to stop bashing himself up and putting excuses on the plate. Just because you are pretty and have a nice body doesn't mean you will do the same. People are afraid to fall in love and start all over again because it really does take a chunk of your life. The guy needs counseling and self evaluation before getting into a relationship. One must be healthy mentally and physically before getting into a relationship. Some people just move on too fast In which creates a toxic environment.. I know you love him but if you really love him you must tell him to fix that problem of insecurity and trust. Ones he overcomes that then he can learn to live again.

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    • They broke up over 2 years ago so I don't understand why he's still not over her. There's not much I can do I suppose

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    • Your idea and your example made me laugh. That's the definition of insecurity. The question is Why do "people" (in general not just girls) that are not over the fact that every person will commit a fault and see that action in everyone that's willing to do.
      My story 👉🏻A bad and rotten apple placed in a bowl should not affect the other apples. In which hypothetically if you place a rotten apple with the other good ones it does affect the taste of the other apples. See my point? The guy has insecurities and it's affecting her. She has the will to get away from a toxic environment in which is recommended. One of The fundamentals of a relationship is trust

    • Of course he is insecure. Who wouldn't be insecure after being cheated on in a 5 year relationship?

      Its not like a few months where you can just get over it. 5 years is a long time. You already saw that oerson as your "forever person" probably. And then shit hits the fan.

      If he doesn't get messed up and is totally fine after that, i would say he is a psychopath.

      And here's the answer for your question:
      Because he doesn't want to get hurt again. Get cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen to a man. A relationship is not worth that.
      Which is why he is being careful.
      And he has every right to do so.
      And she doesn't have to be with him. I never said that. She shouldn't have to deal with it of she doesn't want to.

      My issue was with how you two implied that he wasn't over his ex. Which is a load of crap.

  • It's a self fulfilling prophesy. People tell people what they are like until they are like that.

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  • He has trust issues.

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