How Would You Handle Dating Your Bosses Boyfriend?

Okay, here it goes. I'm bracing myself for a bashing from all of you. Yikes!

I've been in a committed relationship to an older woman for 14 years until just recently. She and I have discussed going our separate ways about four months ago. It came to the point where we were talking about how we were going to handle shared assets, but I never left her. We continued the blah! relationship. She and I never shared the same interests and we couldn't remember a fun time together. I had goals of starting a family and she didn't. I like being social and she is a homebody and workaholic.

I've been working out at a gym where one of her company's activity desks are located. There I met several of her female employees. I grew attracted to a young red head girl, Paris. She and I kinda hit it off from the start. There was a lot of teasing and flirting, and we shared a lot of common interests such as diving, running, photography, and social activities. Well we started diving together without my girlfriend knowing. She and I would go out to dinner after. One day, Paris asked me if I wanted to run. I accepted and my girlfriend caught us. When I got home after the run, my girlfriend was rightfully upset and she called it off!

Paris and I have continued to see each other until recent. She also still works for my ex. Paris has started to say that she doesn't want to be labeled as the Homewrecker and is concerned about her image within the company. She is also paranoid about losing her job. I'm afraid that I've already lost my relationship with Paris. Can anyone tell me if I need to give it time? What are your thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Whatever actions went on had actively in real time occurred. However way you would like to approach the situation, add length of time, or justify to rationalize you can't hide from the feelings and emotions born from the event. This looks like a wild random incident that could have been avoided however temptation ruled and dragged out. I truly believe if both of you & ex were over the relationship splitting assets would not be problem.Material things has the weight equivalent to a fingernail clipping when your already out the door. Its clear, you didn't have a perfect relationship, feelings were hurt, and holding on to material things is a cop-out to hold on to the other person as a way of control ref. to communication.Your both adults, and know who bought what, belongs to who, especially what you brought to the table before you moved in.Why are you really into Paris? Shake it off; if you want some of your assets, you won't get it by staying with Paris and using her for reason to be within a certain vicinity is not smart.Cut your ties, and learn from this.Paris wants her job, and understands the ever so wise cliche of not mixing business with pleasure.It's apples NOT oranges.The girl is in a crappy position and probably wakes up every morning worried fear of job security.Leave her alone. When and if she gets canned or decides to go her own way maybe then you should approach Paris again.But only until then.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I'd say back off a little. I'm not going to bash you as I've done things like this in my past. It's never easy. But honestly I would give Paris her space and time. She obviously cares about her job. If it's really meant to be you two will find a way later on down the road.

    For now, I would focus on getting my assets and dividing them up. I would focus on you for the time being. As hard as it is those are the repercussions of your actions. You can't help who you love. But you can help how you go about doing it. I wish you luck.


What Guys Said 1

  • This is a mess; and its complicated by the fact that girl friend number 2 (GF2), works with girl friend number 1 (GF1).

    The Cheating Issue

    When you’re in a relationship you are still allowed to have friends, even if those friends are girls. I have friends who are girls and girls that I find attractive, but because I’m in a relationship I don’t start a romance with them.

    So the important question is, did you physically cheat on GF1. i.e. did you kiss or f*/k GF2? Do get bogged down with questions such as “did I want to”, “was I attracted to them”. Cheating is not about thinking about having sex with other people, its having sex with other people.

    If you did start a physical relationship with GF2 while still seeing GF1, then you are dirty cheat and you should feel ashamed and guilty and accept that you will rot in the deepest depths of hell for all eternity. (joke: don’t feel too bad, we are all humans.)

    Working In The Same Office Issue

    “What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” Shakespeare

    Paris (or GF2) believes that she has to make a choice between her relationship with you and her career; and it would appear she’s chosen her career.

    You have a right to feel bitter about this because it’s a cr/ppy reason to end a relationship. She could be using it as an excuse rather than a reason, to break up with you; but without having a magic telescope that looks inside ex-girlfriends heads you’ll never know. You could give her time, maybe hindsight will put everything into perspective or you could change gyms and start looking for other girlfriends.

    • Ok here I am being that person everybody hates but I can't help it... just wanted to let you know that quote is actually Sir Walter Scott. But otherwise, good points overall.

    • I put myself in a position to be one on one with GF2 while I was still with GF1, but we never got intimate until GF1 saw us running together and got upset and told me it was over. That night, GF2 and I spent some time on the beach and we got very close and expressed to each other our attraction for one another. Soon after we started kissing and holding hands, and being a little more public. It's been tough because we live in a small city where people have known me and GF2 as a fixture.