I feel insecure because of my boyfriend's ex girlfriend?

My bf's ex girlfriend is extremly good looking, god she looks better than most models, she is a gorgeous 10/10 if not higher. She has a perfect body, face, breast and ass.
We go to the same college and we ae in ghe same swimming club. I just can't stop looking at her, when she undresses can see her body and god its perfect, her breast especially, i feel so jealous, they are bigger than myüine, not much but bigger and they are in perfect shap, all natural.

She knows i am dating her ex and she is incredibly nice to me and to everyone, after knowing her for 1 year now i can say that her personality is beautiful too.

My boyfriend didn't broke up with her, no she left him. But not because she lost feelings or whatever but because she moved away with her parents and thought she wouldn't come back and she wanted my boyfriend to find some love here. But her father lost his job there and got his old job back and so she moved back.
So it wasn't a bad break up but a breakup with still loving each other.

The worst part for me is, they both lost their virginity together. And this girl, who is 21 (i am 20 and my boyfriend is 22) had only my boyfriend in her life. On a drunken night she told in a game of truth or dare that she only had one guy in her life, even only 1 guy kissed, which was my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity to some old high school classmate and had sex with 6 other guys till i met my boyfriend.

This girls is better in everything than me.
I dont know how i could ever measure up to her.

She and my boyfriend have the same interest and same character.
And she is still in love with him but won't make a move on him while he is together with someone else.

She is perfect for him. I am afraid my boyfriend might still love her even though he didn't do anything to make me think this.
But what if?

I am so insecure.
How can i stop be jealous, insecure?
How can i measure up to her?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he is still in love with her, you need to let him go, because he will never be happy with you and you will know that your partner would rather be somewhere else. It is difficult to let go of someone who you still love (I know because I did that in May, 2017.)

    Don't you want to be with someone who wants you just as much as you want him? Tell him that he is free to go back to her, you will understand and have no hard feelings, and you will wish both of them good luck.

    by the way, when you see someone who you think is perfect and you think they have a perfect life. . . it means that you do not know enough about them. All you know about her is her external appearance and the happy impression that she conveys. You really have no idea what demons she may have. Perhaps she has been abused as a child. Maybe she has bulimia. Maybe she has a congenital metabolic disorder.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How long ago did they break up after you guys got together? How do you know she was his ex? Why do you know so much about her? How did you guys get together? How does he treat you now she resurfaced? Has he changed for the better? Has he done something for you to doubt he'll leave you anytime for her? I am sorry for all these questions but I need to know more details before I even give my honest opinion. And sorry for you feeling this way.

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    • 1. I got together with him after they broke up 6 months ago or so
      2. Photos, rumours, himself mentioned it once when we met her, nothing much but everyone who knew one of them knew that they were a couple
      3. Being a Paranoid stalker who asks inappropriate question to girls they dont know, yes, i tend to inform myself
      4. We had the same classes, got along, met for dinner and with time it got more and more until we started eating together every morning and evening
      5. The same way as when she was gone, nice, polite, romantically and every other nice attribute
      6. He is still the same as when we started dating
      7. Not really but i think too much and think about if it might mean sth else and than i think he said or did sth that makes me doub him

    • First, you gotta let go of the obsession over her. Coz it sounds like you are, I am sorry. Let it go. Do not compete with his past. She belongs there. You are his present now. Don't make it complicated for both of you. Just love him and show him you are right for him. Or else you are gonna push him away back to her. She can still have feelings for him, so what. Even if she tries to break you guys apart, your boyfriend can make that choice to go back to her or stay with you. So do not give him any chance to look back but look forward to the future with you in it.

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What Guys Said 41

  • You don't know that he still has feelings for her, so don't assume it. It's even more ridiculous to try to measure up to a person you've idealized and see as perfect, when no one is. From what you wrote, I infer that you're also attractive and in good physical shape, plus, at a minimum, you're reasonably intelligent. Not only that, you managed to attract and keep a guy who's apparently quite desirable, which means you're obviously doing a whole lot right.

    It seems to me that she fully respects your relationship with him, so you only have to worry about what's in your own head. Be happy you have him and enjoy yourself with him. Being insecure and jealous only makes you miserable and brings the risk that it may create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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  • stop comparing yourself to her. her physical attributes are only skin deep. i understand your concern because of the terms of the breakup being amicable and not due to any real relationship issues but he is with you and not with her... remind yourself of that.
    he's with you. he's not with her

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  • I don't know, doesn't seem like she was that into him if she just chucked him to the curb because her parents moved away. Seems like she would have waited and moved back later or worked something out if he was really all that to her.

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    • She is in love with him but she didn't thought she would return and it would be a 4 year long long distance relationship and she didn't wanted to make him wait and let him free.

    • still seems like they broke up awfully easy. What's for years when it comes to true love? Nothing really.

    • Maybe it was a kind of unconditional love? A "i love you over everything in this world, i can't be next to you here and now and probably for a long time from now own, maybe forever. It pains me to say this but i think the best way for us is to break up. I love you so i want you to find love again even if it isn't with me. I love you forever. I wish you a happy life, my darling *fading away in the big horizon*" kind of thing?

  • I understand why you can feel that way... But the point is you should never be anyone other than your true self. He is with you, and hopefully he loves you,... But if you try and be something that you aren't you will end up making yourself unhappier than you feel now.

    Be true to yourself and he should love you more for it!

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  • First off stop measuring yourself against another person. We are all different. Your boyfriend is obviously with you because he likes what you offer. Pay less attention on how uou can be someone else and just be yourself or you will drive him away

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    • But at the same time i can say that he is with me because his ex left him, if she didn't then they would still be together. So even if he likes me and what i offer, his ex could offer him more.
      But myself isn't as good as his ex...

    • But at the same time I can sat that you won't float away because of gravity. Who cares! If you keep thinking like he should be with het he's going to take the hint and be with her. You are you and unique STOP TRYING TO BE HER!

  • Let it go, he is with you now for a good reason. Life isn't about comparing yourself to others, it is about self growth

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    • And for what reason? Because he got left by her because she had to move away and she wanted to find him to find happiness with another girl?

    • Maybe because looks aren't everything. Personality is what truly matters in the long run and looks fade away. There will always be someone more pretty, younger, and whatever in the world. It is futile to keep looking at other people for your own validation. When you are 50 will you still care about this? I mean, you need to appreciate what you have and what others have. Be humble and grateful for what you have not jealous or spiteful. You are only against this girl because you are insecure yourself and you need to be confident in yourself by not comparing yourself to others.

      Looks aren't everything. They will fade away. Focus on good character and be grateful that he is with you now.

  • Talk to him about it. The conversation will either not help and show you the worries are founded, OR he will make you feel better about it.

    He thoughts don't really matter here. His do. There’s every chance he has moved on and she hasn’t but, really, does it matter it one of them has? Sucks for her but it shouldn’t affect your relationship.

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  • You have to stop comparing yourself and accept yourself the way you are. Your boyfriend does, because he's with you now. Relationship are about more than looks. You probably "measure up" with your personality, which can also be extremely attractive.

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  • "I lost my virginity to some old high school classmate and had sex with 6 other guys till I met my boyfriend."

    But does he know that?

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    • No, he doesn't

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    • What do you mean?

    • Well, the really sad thing is that even if this girl who you perceive as a threat were to magically disappear, you would still be feeling this same sense of dread and anxiety, you'd find some way to sabotage this relationship because you're insecure deep down.

      Which is also why you have a bit of a past.

      I hope he makes the right choice for him. He has a lot more to lose at this point.

  • Unless you two have been together a really long time than I kind of wish they'd get back together. If her move was the only thing ruining their love it sounds like the only thing in the way of them re-discovering their love is you.

    Sorry.

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  • The secret is to love yourself your boyfriend loves you if he hasn’t tried to get her back that means he doesn’t care about looks he cares about you looks aren’t everything personality and confidence are 2 big attractive features

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  • If he truly wanted to be back with her then he would have already left you and ran back to her. You should not be jealous of her instead be thankful for her because she helped him develop into the great boyfriend that you have. Even though you may think she is perfect in every way. There is some reason your boyfriend has stayed with you and you should be happy about that.

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  • If she was really good for him then she could maintain a long-distance relationship. Actual, REAL love would find a way.

    Besides, your boyfriend is an adult and if he really wanted to be with her he would have broken up with you by now. Treat him like an adult and respect his decision to choose you over her even when she is still there.

    Oh and by the way sexual purity is a bullshit concept.

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  • A pretty risky situation. He might be very highly motivated to leave you for her. I mean, I'm pretty sure I would in his place.

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  • But he is with you that means he picked you you are over thinking it if he lived her why not dump you and get with her as soon as he could instead of waiting if you still worry speak to your boyfriend about it

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    • He picked me cause the better choice was to far away and left him.
      If he still loves her i dont know but if he knew that she still loves him, maybe then he might try it again.

    • So talk to him about it find out if you feel that way don't piss about and worry for the sake of it cos it may push him away

  • you only talked about the ex so let me ask you , What about you and him?

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  • You should break up with your boyfriend so the two of them can be happy together. You've already had so many guys that you are incapable of forming an actual pair bond. Any you should have no problem finding another guy to stuff your crotch.

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    • How many women have you slept with?

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    • @Juxtapose no sex matters to all people especially serious men who want a serious connection and a good reputation , i know players who had sex with dozens of women and married a virgin, insecurity is just a word people use to force men to accept women who sleep around and cover their flaws with shaming the man, but most men dont care, in fact they even actively avoid these girls the more they try to insult them.

    • @DaTruth01 I can't see myself disagreeing with you anymore than I do now. I would reply to your post more but our viewpoints on the matter are so radically different we're never going to reconcile.

  • Just look at the situation. He's with you, not with her. Even if she came back, he's still with you. Guess he prefers you to her, no matter how good she looks.

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  • How do you know she is still in love with your boyfriend? I really doubt she straight up said that, so are you assuming?

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  • Not. He should get back with her to be fairly honest, if they truly are that similar and she's still in love with him.

    THAT IS HOWEVER, if he doesn't love you SO much that he rather stays with you

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What Girls Said 19

  • I mean... have you asked if he still loves her or wants to be with her? Do they still talk even?

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    • I didn't ask him cause i am afraid and insecure and i dont want him to think bad about me

      They talk a lot. But they talk like as if they some kind of business men, like no personal feelings involved or however i should describe this. Most times i am there with him when they talk and oitsider wouldn't believe if i said they were a couple in the past.
      But i know that the girl talks this way because he doesn't want to flirt with him or bring feelings back cause she still likes him but dont want to break his relationship apart. But i dont know why my boyfriend talks this way, maybe for the same reason, maybe not to risk our relationship

  • This won’t be the answer you want to hear. 1. You need to trust your gut feeling, if you think there may still be feeling there from him.. you may be correct. 2. You shouldn’t be in a relationship when you are feeling insecure about yourself. It could be that it’s soley and completely just insecurity.. or there’s some truth to it. Either way, it’s unhealthy for you to be with ANYONE when you feel this way about yourself. It will cause any relationship to be toxic to yourself, it will only bring out your insecurities and it will effect your partnership. It’s important that your believe in yourself. It’s important that you love yourself. It’s important that your realize your worth.. and having a sence Of worth is one of the MOST important characteristics to have in a relationship! Because it sets boundaries.. and if you had a sence Of worth you wouldn’t compare yourself or put yourself down like you are. You have to realize all that you have to offer someone. You have to understand what make you special and unique. I think you have a lot of soul searching to do.. and it’s best you do that also alone. Best of luck.

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  • If I'd be in your position, I'd calmly ask your boyfriend if he's still in love with her and watch his reaction and listen to his answer clearly.

    With the body thing. I don't think anyone is perfect. The guys and girls I used to drool over now seem pretty boring to me. She has some flaws for sure. Maybe she's not even that great looking, just you think she is because you look at her so much and are insecure about your relationship.

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  • Sometimes we see people and think they are a thousand times better than us, but it’s usually just in our heads. He is with YOU, not her. I think until he gives you a valid reason that he wants to be with his ex over you, stop worrying so much! You made her seem like the most perfect person, but what about you? If he was once with her and saw something in her, he obviously sees something in you too☺️

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  • Girl, he is with you.
    You know what, you could sit down and honestly ask him if he still has feelings for her, since it wasn`t a bad break up and she moved back.
    But in the end he is with you. Even if she seems perfect, he decided to be with you.

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    • Also nobody is perfect. Really nobody. She definetly has something but well we don`t know a person truly and fully

  • Well do YOU want to be in a relationship with her? Sheesh. You have to stop obsessing over it. It doesn't even seem like your boyfriend is thinking about her at all. If anything, you're more worried about this girl than he is.

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  • There is always going to be someone better looking, smarter etc. You just need to have faith in your relationship. Try talking to your boyfriend about his feelings on the situation.

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  • Stop focusing on her and focus on your relationship. She is past tense you are the present. Just be happy with your boyfriend don't fret over relations that have ended.

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  • First of all you don't need to measure up to her. In all honesty she is probably looking at you and feeling all those feelings as well. It is much easier too see the good in someone else as it is to see the good in yourself. I assure you have many amazing qualities as well. I know it's scary but I suggest talking to your boyfriend about your insecurities. He can't provide insight unless you talk to him. He may still be in love with her, but at least you'll know. In all likelyhood though he's probably moved on. But trying to read his mind isn't getting you anywhere.

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  • He wouldn’t be with you if he wanted her. That’s it.

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  • difficult truth to accept. but she was first. he is with you now, but you don't own him. you don't have the RIGHT to expect his loyalty unless you're married. and to be honest, don't we girls break up with guys more often than they break up with us? i'm not talking about one night stands or friends with benefits. we end genuine LTRs more than they do. so there you have it. the best conversation you can have with him is to tell him you're devoted to him no matter what. he has your loyalty. he didn't have her loyalty, and he's going to remember that. he also knows that a beautiful woman gets a lot of attention from other men that he will have to contend with. so you have those things working in your favor.

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  • I say let him go. He may not have the same feelings for you that he has for her.

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  • Hey if u need some talking or healing hit my inbox i have been through these things before with boyfriends :) come by anytime dont be shy😽☺

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  • let them be together if they want to

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  • First of.. Since you saw her naked and find her so hot, have you ever masturbated to her hot boobs? Be honest.

    Second, I say test your boyfriend.. That's the only way to know for sure if you don't feel confident..
    To be honest with you, if your instinct is telling you to doubt.. It's probably right.

    But maybe he wouldn't want to get back with her.. Does he still jerks to her tho

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    • 1. No, i had my girl on girl experience in the past and i know that i dont have interest in women so i only masturbate at the though of naked men.

      2. And how to test him? And my instinct ain't instinct but paranoia

      3. Probably, she is hot, how could he not jerk to her? But honestly, i dont think, he rarely jerks off, he prefers sex with me

  • you should break up with your boyfriend and date her lol

    I think you are a bi lol

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    • Oh god yes, for her i would turn lesbian
      Just kidding, i had my girl on girl experiences and its not my thing

  • I'm not buying any of this shit.

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  • It sounds like you're more into the ex than your boyfriend. Lol!
    If they wanted to be together, they would be. Seems like they moved past all that, but not you. You either get over it or leave him so they can be together since you said they are "perfect" together. I would never say that about my guy and his ex.

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  • What are you more concerned about? A woman's body or your boyfriend?
    I would ask him what it was he likes about you. If you're feeling insecure, let him know because a relationship needs 2 people, not one.

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