My relationship is 👎. Help?

So , I am in a 3 year relationship and I cry at least 5 times a week. we always get into fights and then we go back to normal then go back to fighting again. I love him so much and he loves me too, but we're like the exact opposite. tbh I'm tired of me crying all the time and feeling depressed as shit and I want it all to end. but the problem is I love him and I can't imagine my life without him. I can't even break up with him because then he'll take his own life. (I know this, don't tell me this is ridiculous) I am the only one who supports him and I'm always there for him.
I don't know whats happening but our relationship is just deteriorating 😩. So I'm like stuck with him, I don't want to leave him (I can't imagine life without him) and he will never break up with me. And dont tell me that I I'm to young.. that kinda crap. This is our fourth year. plus whenever we fight he always brings up my old mistakes and makes me cry all the time and then when he calms down he keeps on saying sorry until I forgive him. This relationship has affected me so much. mentally and emotionally. I'm sorry but this post is full of mixed feelings, thats what I feel. So pls give me some legit advice and please don't hate. I'm already wounded enough.
My relationship is 👎. Help?
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