Best friends and both single since ever?

friendlyjoe
There is this girl that I am best friend with since highschool, so more than 10 years. We do everything together, travel, party, go to movies, do sports, watch sports... I mean everything. We are both single, and have been for a long time. I had lots of one night stands, and flings that lasted for a week or two. But no girl can compare to her, and that is why I can't even open myself to other girls, cuz she is always in the back of my head. Also she had few flings, and every time she told me about them my world crashed.
We are both good looking, and could easily find partners. But we are constantly emotionally cock blocking each other. Also shyness is not a problem, cuz either of us in not shy.

One day few years ago I decided to open up to her. It was after I broke up with a girl that I was together with for only few weeks. She rejected me saying that I am doing it only because I was sad because of break up I just went through. And that I am just feeling lonely and that I am just forcing something. She also told me that I am fantasizing that she is much more than she really is. I agreed with her because I was really drunk. 😁 I know the worst way you could open up to your long time friend, is drunk and after a break up. I'm still mad about it. Next day we went to grab a coffee and she was hinting that she may have made a mistake. But I was angry at her, cuz she rejected me night before. I am jerk I know...
Since than we didn't talk about that event. And just continued being a couple without showing our love to eachother. She has some insecurities I don't know about. And I have some of mine. And I really don't know what to do. I feel like i'm wasting my life on her, but every time she is around me I feel im the happiest guy in world.
Don't know what to do... obviously.
Best friends and both single since ever?
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