Most Helpful Guy
Yeah. Finding someone is a lot less likely if you're being passive about it. Plus confidence is attractive in its own right.
I often have the same thoughts as you about not loving myself or being confident. I'm trying my best to be a person that I like, but for myself not for partners. When depression has gotten the best of me I've sabotaged relationships because I feel like they don't deserve to be with me.
Also confidence can take many forms. You don't have to be a typical extrovert to be confident. Being able to talk about topics, having a passion, or being comfortable in unusual situations are just some examples of confidence. Just not what most people think of in their mind's eye0
Most Helpful Girl
If you don't love yourself, then why do you think someone else should love you? That isn't meant to be condescending, it's serious question to ask yourself. If you're only wanting a relationship to feel loved by someone else, then you're not really with them for them, and you won't be able to give them the level of devotion they need from a partner. People who don't themselves are needy and clingy, and that is very demanding and draining on a person, because they won't have time to take care of themselves if they have to give you extra love and attention. And that will level them feeling like you are selfish and don't really care about them at all.
Really not trying to be rude or mean, I've been where you are. The first step to learning to love yourself, is to stop living for other people. People with low self-esteem are usually that way because they feel like they have let everyone down. Well, so long as you're not hurting anyone, to HELL with everyone else! Do you, and forget them! They don't have to live with your choices, and they are not in your head feeling what you feel. So ultimately, their opinions shouldn't matter. Just get rid of anyone who hasn't earned your time and loyalty. Yes, you might be a bit more lonely for a short while, but the rearwards are so worth it: freedom from doubt and insecurities.4