Does kissing and telling = it's over?

Recently I reconnected with a guy I dated briefly in high school, which was 10 years ago! I always like him, but he was immature and never actually said he wanted to be an item. He used to have his friend talk on the phone with us and go out with us (sometimes with a date and sometimes w/o) to break the ice. of course, I ended up liking his friend because he was more in tune with my needs and had no problem expressing his feelings for me. we dated for over a year and he claimed I was his first love. he's married now, but still tries to have a thing with me. SO, I started talking to the first guy about a month ago while he was overseas. we would chat all day long and he asked if we could get frinks when he came back to the states. We did and we had an amazing time. He did ask me why I chose his friend back in the day, which I explained and he asked me if I liked him. I said yes, and we ended up making out the rest of the night. he was a real gentleman and told me he's been wanting to kiss me for a long time, but he didn't push for much more, even though he let me know he would be down for that if I was. I didn't hear from him for three days after that, except for one text that said hey. I was really tripping because I thought maybe he was using me or trying to get an ego boost from the wounds he suffered 10 years ago. I talked to my ex (his friend) and he asked about him and I stupidly had a "girl" moment and gushed that I'd seen him and really enjoyed our time together. I tried to fix it after I realized what I did by saying that I wasn't going to go further because I thought he was probably scratching an itch and nothing would come of it. fast forward 3 days and the guy I like calls upset asking why I told my ex his business. I was SPEECHLESS, because I knew what I'd said but I also knew that my bitch ass ex probably added lots and made the conversation and comments more significant than they were. All I could get out was that I said I thought he was acting funny with me, which seemed to set him off more. he hung up, I foolishly called him back and he answered only to say that we were cool but that we couldn't talk on that level anymore because I didn't know how to keep my mouth shut. I said obviously it's not cool if you're not going to talk to me anymore. he said he would just not about anything serious. I understand where he's coming from, but I really really liked him and I'm really not a chick that runs my mouth! I just had a fleeting moment of excitement and stupidity and I caught diarrhea of the mouth. my ex is p*ssed because I picked his boy over him and started bashing me on facebook. At first I was going to wait a while and then try to smooth things over with the guy I like, but in light of the facebook drama (which I didn't respond to) I feel like this guy will never speak to me again. Is there anything I can do to make him understand my side and give me a second chance? HELP!

Thanks. The guy I like did text me yesterday after I submitted I'm going to explain my side, honestly and we'll go from there...


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What Guys Said 1

  • When it comes to relationships, I think it's always best that you talk it over with your gal friends. Gals gossip and talk about their relationship dramas and actions that is taking place with their other friends. Only close friends though who are there to hear them and help if needed. Not spread it around.

    This ex of yours was not a good idea, especially since they're friends. I know you had a fleeting moment, but that's the problem. Your emotions got caught in the verbal talk and you let them run loose. And what's the deal with him anyway? He's married yet he's still trying to have a fling with you? Not cool. And definitely not a good idea to bring up your relationship life to him - you cannot trust him no matter how close you feel to him. It's a good possibility he may have made stuff up if he wants to keep you around.

    When it does come down to it, it's hard to trust anyone. If I had a problem pursuing a girl and I needed council, there's a few guys I could talk to about it, but as long as they don't know her at all. If they do know her, I can't say anything to them because it could backfire.

    So what can you do? Don't talk to either of them. If this guy put you in the friend zone this quickly, then he misses this opportunity if he wanted it. But if he wants you badly enough, he'll come back and call you again. In which you can start dating.


What Girls Said 1

  • Phoenix has good advice...I see a bigger issue in you saying that "I wasn't going to go further because I thought he was probably scratching an itch and nothing would come of it". Imagine how that sentence could be twisted...? From his point of view I could see him already feeling shot down...If leaving it as is is not a real option perhaps a letter/email explaining to him your side of the story, honestly, and see how he reacts...If he doesn't then I say it's over...There is already trust issues and for some of us they are impossible to get over...Best of luck...Cheers!

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