I have led two people on. I have some issues?

Okay I have some issues...one the guy id liked for 3 years played around with my emotions for a year and then broke up with me...real jerk-like, which included things like calling me ugly and that he was using me etc... Now he wants to be friends... but also flits with me constantly. He even gets jealous over other guys talking to me and says he "loves me" but doesn't want me back but wants to kiss me..(?)...I hate it because I am so over him, he hurt me too bad and I see what a loser he really is.

Then in my grief, my friends boyfriend (who is also my friend) and I kissed. I know, it was the most horrible thing ever...and guilt kills me, literally I have considered cutting myself (which I used to do in the past until my friends boyfriend convinced me not to). So I don't need to hear what a horrible person I am, I know it.

Then there is the fact that ever since that guy played with my feelings I have no feelings. I have lead two people on and I feel bad about that too. Its just that I'm not used to being liked and so when someone does it feels nice, I'm not going to lie. I know I should feel guilty and I do on some level...its just that its not making a connection...I don't want to give it up...and that makes me feel bad...

basically I don't know what to do and need any sort of advice...

And ohh I would like to know how to undo keading the guys on. Just for reference I did nt kiss them or anything, I was just slightly more flirty...


Most Helpful Guy

  • here's what I would say. You need to set very strong boundaries in your life. It comes with self-worth, which you seem to have struggled with (and still do). Don't let that ex use you, because he'll get exactly what he wants, and leave you with nothing but a boat load of misery.

    As far as your friend's boyfriend, kissing him wasn't the worst thing in the world, and it seems that you have done the hard part, in admitting that it was wrong. Again, if you set up boundaries, you won't find yourself in suggestive situations with your friends' boyfriends.

    As far as having no feelings, you show me, through your post here, that you at least have some. You feel the guilt towards the things that you feel you did wrong, and that is a good thing. If you see yourself getting into situations where you lead people on, you need to take a step back and wonder why they're paying attention to you. Is it because you're a good person in general, or is it because they sense a prospect of sex? It definitely feels nice to be wanted sexually, but it feels just as nice to be wanted as a friend, and you don't have to worry about leading people on. You seem like a nice person. I doubt that you'll have too hard a time finding some friends that see you for you, not just for that flirty attitude you put on. To undo the damage done, just simply stop flirting so much. Take on a role more like "one of the guys" rather than that "one girl of the group".

    In summation, if you work on building up boundaries through which you keep people from hurting you and you from hurting others, your self-esteem will start to rebound. As people become friends with you because they see that you're a caring person, you'll notice that having guys fawning over you isn't as important as having guys that have your back no matter what.

    Trust your gut, it's probably right in your circumstance. After all, it brought you here asking these sorts of questions. Don't worry so much about the guilt and the self-deprecation, as those will pass as you get on a less guilt-ridden lifestyle. You'll thank yourself soon!


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  • your problem is the fact that you lack confidence and let people treat you like crap. you have to realize that you are a worthy person. instead of focusing on having guys like you - try liking LOVING yourself! if you don't love yourself and treat yourself with respect other people will see that and take that as permission to disrespect you. guys are like predators, they can tell what kind of girls will be easy prey. if you don't demand respect you will never get it. don't give guys the opportunities to treat you like crap. stand up for yourself

  • In my opinion you need to tell the "jerk" to leave you alone, and that might mean hurting his feelings or having to be a bit cruel, but you need to keep yourself safe and once you have done so keep a distance so that you don't fall back into the easy love that never ends up being as good! You also need to straighten out the kiss between your friends boyfriend, that will be hard and might get messy but right now it seems like you are just going to have to go through some crap to get yourself out to the other side. Cutting is the lazy way out is what I have learned, it doesn't help and only gets you into more trouble been there chika stay strong and pull through. Keep your body mind and soul safe and happy buy being true to the person that you WANT to be. Once you get yourself out of this hole which YOU CAN DO! Focus on yourself for a while get involved with what YOU love, do what makes YOU feel good about yourself, and once you have that down things will look up. To tell you the truth from what you have written I have been in that exact place and those are the things that I did to get me out of the mess that I was in. One more thing, take your life one step at a time. Good luck girl I will pray for you!