'girlfriend' on dating site?

In short; I am 53. Divorced 2 years. Waited one year to date or even look to clear my head emotionally.

Met a girl online last year. We have seen each other on 3 visits for 3 weeks each. She lives 8000 miles away.

She knows I am exclusive but I found her on a dating site just now and is active now. Literally as we speak. I know she checked a guy out because she was on FB for about 4 minutes after logging out and then logging in (I work online all the time) and because we talk a lot (before checking her dating site we talked for 30 minutes) i noted this and paranoia overtook me.

So I don't really know what to do. A younger me would ghost her, an older me is more forgiving. Any advise?

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  • Did she make the commitment to be exclusive with you? If she hasn't told you that she wants to be exclusive, then you guys may want different things in this relationship.

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    • No we never had that discussion. I sorta want to bring it up now, but the timing would be very bad I would think.

      I mean, I will probably ask this of every girl on here who responds but, why would you be on one? (dating profile that is)

  • Im a younger and probably less experienced then you in life, but i'd advise you to go easy on her and see where it would lead. Try to beat the one that she is checking (not literally ofc).

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    • I am measuring that in a way. Is it worth the fight? effort? time? Or is she just not the one and move on and reactivate my dating profile.

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    • And if you put enough of it, it will be a masterpiece. -- that is generally how it works. I am not sure I have the energy for it though. hahaha At 26 you have the energy and time. At 53 those windows start to close.

    • Exactly. Why can't you have fun if she can?

  • I am going through the same thing now!!

    I feel the confusion your going through. My 'boyfriend' said he clicked the app by accident and it kept him logged in for over 3o mins. The next time was he was making sure he was cancelling his subscription.
    I honestly believe him at first but mg friend now so much so she set up a profile n found him online twice!!!

    I asked if he wanted to date others he said No, whether he is aware or not I know he's been on it. He lived a distance away and although I've been trying he hasn't so if it's one sided time to cut your losses as hard as it is 😢

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    • My gut tells me she is on the fence. There are several things that could be going on as I try to rationalize this... and the rabbit hole opens as I rationalize away this behavior. So let me ask, if I may, hypothetically... If you had spent 60 days with someone and 10 days after they left you were back on a dating website chatting with people, what would that mean about the other guy you just spent 60 days with?

      As a guy... it is as convoluted as with girls. I would get back on a dating profile if I thought 'she' were on one because I figured I better start looking as time is always running out. I would get back on if I were losing interest but not before I made it clear.

      My gut screams cut and run. My emotions (as I am actually head over heals for this girl unlike I even thought possible - I have never had a problem leaving relationships or cutting them short if they were going no where.) My anger says ghost her. But I am older and a little more patient.

      Thanks

    • It is so hard nowadays to meet people. And especially when you feel a connection with that person.
      Honesty is so important to me and the thought of what he did , set my mind wondering who's he talking to, has he met up with anyone etc etc. I would never of gone back on as to me the time we spent together and communication was always good so why did he do it? I will never probably know the answer but as the bigger person I sent a text saying with distance and work commitment maybe wasn't the right time if you like her be honest and is her feelings are the same hopefully she will be honest back.

      Good luck.
      Let me know how you get on.

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