My crush is giving me mixed signals about wanting, or not wanting, me to be his girlfriend?

We've known each other for three years, and enough has happened in the past year to make me think that he wanted/wants me to be his girlfriend; we've kissed, made-out, flirted, talked about each other to our friend groups, talked about going on dates together, and more. Previously, he'd made it clear that he really likes hookups, not relationships; but his actions have made it seem like he wanted/wants a girlfriend.

I talked to one of my best friends, who's dating his roommate about him; it came out that he doesn't want a girlfriend, which puts both of us in a difficult spot because I want commitment, and he doesn't want to hurt me by not being able to commit, should the topic of dating arise. I was a little sad, but more annoyed with myself than anything; I felt like an idiot for reading things wrong. Then I saw him at a party, and he immediately came over to hug me. It threw me off because I was expecting him to stop doing things like that, after he told my friend he didn't want a girlfriend.

Then my friend and I had another talk; she told me that he's absolutely giving me mixed signals. What's confusing is that he respects me enough to not try hooking-up with me; he knows that I won't do that, and yet he still continues to make advances, even though he knows he won't get anything sexually intimate from them?

Then, on my 21st birthday, I get a text from him saying, 'Happy Birthday, enjoy being legal' with the emoji that's making a kissy face with a heart. I'm confused. He still continues to make advances, even after saying he doesn't want a girlfriend? I don't know if he told my friend that he doesn't want a girlfriend, because he's confused about what he wants, and didn't want her telling me, or if he genuinely doesn't want a girlfriend.

I want to be happy about the kissy-faced emoji, and the whole situation really; but I don't want to put myself in a position to possibly end up feeling worse. Thoughts on why he's doing this, and what I should do?

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  • His dopamine levels are messed up.
    If you will somehow attract him by your own initiative, he will most probably leave you after 6 months.

    My advice? Either forget him or be 'unavailable' for him.
    If he really developes feelings, he will do his best to earn your availability.

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  • why dont you just ask if he wants to date, if he says no, make it clear there's no casual sex happening. that way neither of you have the wrong idea and you dont have to feel idiotic.

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