How to keep him after date number two?

Went on a great first date with someone... it seemed effortless. We went on a second a few days later... I ended up at his place and met all his roommates and it went equallly as smooth but we got drunk and crazy this time and slept together... since then I’ve been clueless on how to proceed. He’s always been very shy and awkward and reserved (he’s a cap if you care and I’m Taurus) so I’ve kinda had to nudge him into making moves so things would happen cause if i waited for him he’d freeze to death. I’m significantly out of his league look wise but intellectually wise (which is what matters more to me) he takes the cake... after our successful second date, I hoped he’d chill out and pursue me more cause clearly we were hitting it off but he’s yet to solidify any new dates despite casual contact since then... and now it’s been three weeks since we were intimate and I’ve noticed his traffic slow down in regards to talking. I’m quite disappointed. His roommates added me on social media and what not but he hasn’t really set up a next date. I’m getting really nervous. What’s going on? Is he over me already? I told him a few times I wanted to see him again and no moves. Just dumb snapchats and instagram likes.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, so after reading your post this is what i believe to be the most likely situation. As youve already stated, he may be an introvert. You also stated that you're likely out of his league, at least physically. I believe that he may be in a slight state of shock/disbelief as a result of the non-conventional pairing. Also, keep in mind that despite the friendly nature of his roommates, they could possibly, for whatever reason, be running interference.

    Id suggest you try ro engage him on the level that you attracted you to him initially; intelectually. Meet him on the level with which he is comfortable. Call him, talk to him, take your physicality out of the equation and give him and his ego the opportuniry to gain some confidence with you and in the relationship. If that dorsnt help matters, sounds like you may need to move on?

    • Yea, he texted me today in response to a text i sent him Wed. How could he be that busy when he likes someone? I sent him a snapchat with a simple frown and he asked why a frown and I just told him he's kind of disappeared. He apologized because apparently he's just bought a house and has been stressed. Then responses to an almost week old message!

      I understand being busy but women wouldn't miss an entire week with a message with someone they are into!

    • Agreed but, women are fom mars and men are from venus lol. At any rate, i am not excusing his behavior. I still think there are exogenous factors at play here? Id suggest asking for a face to face meet up. Lay it all out in front if him and and ask him to make a decision. You are both adults, no reason to play games or hide like kids. As i said before, at some point you're going to have to draw a line somewhere... best of luck.

    • Also, just a side thought and i hate to throw this in your face but, sleeping with someone on a second, third, fourth, or even fifth date is almost surely a recipe for disaster especially if you're looking for any sort of longevity or future with someone. In the future, id make a guy 'work for' or 'earn' the keys to the palace. Dont just give it away... to guys its like gold; to a guy who is genuinely interested its like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... if you're worth waiting for, the gold should be too!

Most Helpful Girl

  • How about you set up a date? Say something like "are you busy on (insert date) there's something on that seems fun!".

    You make the move to ask him on a date, there's no shame in that :) x

    • I’ve already asked him :( he kinda didn’t answer me... so I just held back for a bit thinking it was a blow off. Then he liked my insta posts and sent me random snapchats. So I said hi again and he answered immediately and then asked to make plans and silence again.

    • Hm. He does seem really shy. How about a night in then with him. Invite him over for a meal (either take out or home made, whatecer you guys like most) and watch a movie.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • You have to keep nudging him on and give him positive cues. Us guys can be very cautious about making wrong choices and losing a girl we are fond of after being intimate. Give good positive reinforcement about dating and maybe even be forward about going out.

    Put your best foot forward and ask him out on a date too.

    • But I’ve done that and he kinda hasn’t answered my forward asking for a next date. Instead he just sends me random snapchats when he hasn’t heard from me and likes my posts and one of his Roomates have added me on social media and started liking my things and he kinda stopped liking mine. I don’t wanna smoother him and be too forward and pushy... guys don’t like that either. I don't know whats going on anymore.

    • Guys respond best to directness.

      "Are we going to go on a date anytime soon, or should I just make a Tinder account and try my luck there?"

      If that gets no response then you must move on.

    • Yea... He saw a fb status of mine saying I was bored and the only offer I had for the night was some dude wanting to take me out to dinner and I wasn't interested so cheers to being bored on a Friday night with a cheers emoji. Which I responded with what are you doing and he was out of town snowboarding for the weekend and I said ok well when you come back let's go out... And he came back and didn't make any plans and then I told him I was leaving town and if he wanted to see me before then and he didn't respond... Instead he just sent me random snap chats and likes a few of my posts and then his roommate added me on all my social media

  • I’d he’s asked you out twice already, perhaps it’s your move to initiate a date. Maybe you should just ask him out straight up instead of giving him nudges and subtle clues and what not.

    • First time he said we were bad at texting so I said "well then maybe you should ask me out dummy" which he responded to "I'm clearly good at this... How about tomorrow..." And we went out and it was amazing. And as he dropped me off I suggested seeing him again and he said yea. I texted to confirm we were still on and he kinda didn't respond to that part. So day of I asked if that was a thing we were gonna do and he said yea and I went to his place and met all his friends and we slept together and shit... Like dumbasses. And I've told him to ask me out again a few times but he's not only been busy but not set up the next one and now it's been two weeks and I'm getting nervous. I've been pretty forward saying when are you gonna ask me out again? AindI'm free these days with no concrete responses. Just weird Snapchats and fb/ insta likes and his roomies added me on social media. Super confusing

  • Oh, you already had sex... Men tend to loose a lot of interest after sex... Good luck #femminism

    • We were drunk and into each other. Did I really ruin it cause of that? We met on a dating site that said he was looking for something solid and it was ok to sleep together after 1-2 dates...

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    • So how do I keep it going? Or should I just move on since it went so fast...

    • Only he can answer that question

  • Don’t do anything stupid

    • Like?

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    • So according to you I’m a whore already not worthy of dating cause I was too easy? (Real question... like does that actually make a diff)

    • I never say that baby, why you trying to argue for?

      I am just saying. Three date rule. Be aware of that XX

      Don’t let the guy control

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