How come every guy I meet loses interest after a few dates?

I don’t know if it’s my personality or my looks. I thought I was really pretty but maybe not. Between now and last July I’ve met 10 different guys online, they would message me non stop for a couple weeks, Skyped, FaceTimed them , I wouldn’t be clingy, id let them pursue me and I wouldn’t give them much of my own attention until I knew they’re true intentions of what they were looking for. Well usually once they meet me, and sometimes (not all the time) after we have sex they stop pursing me, stop talking to me first, and respond short. These are guys who made it clear they want more then a hook up. These are guys who I hung out with a few times, and would talk on the phone a few hours a day. What am I doing wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you don't also pursue the man, he will lose interest.

    Relationship are two way streets and the more effort you put into them, the greater the results.

    If you always leave it to the man to initiate and pursue and never genuinely pursue them back, of course they will move on! You show a lack of interest in them. If you're not their first ever date, they will know that signs of disinterest are when they need to move on and use their time elsewhere.

    You even say you don't give them much of your attention until you know their intentions. That gets extremely frustrating for guys who want their attention to you be validated by your attention back.

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    • The problem is once I give them my attention back and I pursue them back after them showing me their interest that’s when they stop giving me attention. It’s like as long as I act like I don’t need give shit they’re good to go but as soon as I give them interest back they stop talking to me, respond short

    • The question then becomes how long until you start giving them more attention?

      But regardless, I have a suggestion for you.

      Try the mimic tactic.

      Basically, you reply to them with the same effort they reply to you.

      If they send you 20 words, you send them 20 words. If they send you 5 words, you send them 5 words. Put in the exact same effort they do.

      If they start sending shorter messages, you send a message that is 1 word or 1 emoji shorter.

      This actually has psychological effects on both men and women. People notice that they put in less effort when they didn't mean to, and naturally will respond more robustly if they do have interest. It can even reignite interest.

      Try that with the next man. Heck you can try a dry run with it on me in direct messages if you want.

    • Hey there, message me? Would like your take on a situation, thanks!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Easy, you are having sex too soon with them from what it sounds. They may say they want more than a hook-up, but more than likely thats BS. Since we don't know what you do while out on the dates with them, really hard to give you better answers.

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    • I'm with this girl, you give them the vibe that you are easy and just a hook up. 10 guys is a lot in 1 year or even half a year. Seems like you sleep with them after not even a month of knowing them.

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What Girls & Guys Said

428
  • I don't think it is your appearance because, presumably, they saw an up-to-date photo of you before they contacted you.

    Without knowing more, I'd say the likely explanation is that they were not being honest about wanting more than a hookup and/or met someone else. One of the downsides of online dating is that you're bombarded with huge numbers of interesting profiles so it is very difficult to focus on one person, knowing they are also taking to and perhaps dating multiple people.

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  • Hooking up on the first on second date usually implies that is all u want. Even if u talked to them for a while before meeting. But tbh, it's what most tinder (ect) guys are looking for anyway, even if u state on ur profile that u aren't looking for hookups, thry'll jystblie and say 'same'.

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  • Don't have sex after one or two dates~ wait until you are exclusive and committed to one another. Guys will lie and say whatever you want to hear to try and get sex, and you have to decide whether you just want to be used or have a proper relationship. Personally I'd never have sex with somone i've been with until at least a month or so being exclusive.

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    • Not every guy and not just guys lie but she is right don't put out so early unless that's what you are looking for and then be prepared for him to stop afterwards. The truth is there are a lot of people that just care about their desires and don't have a problem hurting others to get their happiness. Decide what you want and set rules and live by them. Don't comprise on certain things that are the most important to you and don't be afraid to drop someone who isn't working for you. Also don't worry about being too clingy. Act the way you want and is normal for you. You want someone that likes you for yourself not for the person you are when you are holding back a bit

  • It's a hard question question to answer because I don't know what you look like and have never talked to you so I don't know your personality so I say let's do a test message me let's chat and I will be able to tell you exactly what I think it is the odds are it's not you at all it's the guys

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  • Maybe you're not showing enough interest in them back so they're assuming you're not interested? This is only a guess and something I personally find a lot of women do. We can know in your case though, only these guys could answer that. But it won't be your looks likely or you wouldn't have even had dates/sex with them in the first place.

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  • Don’t have sex with a guy straight away, I’ve done this and they stray away and go onto someone else. Plus a guy that is all about sex isn’t someone who is relationship material x

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    • Just want to say that while you're probably right with this for a lot of guys, not all guys will act like this. My girl and I had sex on the first date and not only did my opinion of her not change in any way, we're still together.

    • Show All
    • No it doesn’t ALWAYS work.

    • @bluebell pm if you wanna give it a shot and see urself

  • I think when you're getting to know them you may not be showing that much interest in them but that a side. Guys who are using social media or an app for dating are usually looking for a hookup I feel these days.

    Get involved in social groups are groups that are based on a hobby or an interest you have through Meetup. You might find something more your liking and long-lasting through there.

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  • The big problem I found is getting wrapped up in 'the chase' it's not the sex that made me lose interest it's the fact that I was too focused on impressing the girl that I never took the time to work out what I thought about her.

    When trying to light a flame concentrating on the sparks too much distracts you from the fact your not actually igniting it.

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  • I don't think you knew their true intentions. You need to postpone sex longer. And if they continue talking to you a lot, even without sex, you're golden.

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  • It could be any number of things. The best way to figure it out is to make up a descriptive list of your boyfriends and look for ways in which they were the same both physically, socially, culturally and attitudinally.

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  • It's typical once a guy gets what he wants he's on to another one especially at a younger age dating is a waste of your time think about yourself with the rise of feminism the power is in your hands they should not pursue you you should pursue them focus on being the right woman for the right guy your age is looking for adventure go have some and don't worry about anything else

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  • Don't have sex with them. Wait until marriage, because I promise you, if you let them have sex, they will feel kind of like you're a pushover. Hold strong opinions and strong morals. Real men will respect and appreciate that. I know I do.

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  • Your easy pretty much. You say you look for there intentions but if they leave once they have got what they wanted then you never knew there intentions in the first place.

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    • Seems like you wanted sex from the jump since that's what you give them instead of a relationship (or to get to a relationship)

  • Sadly, Some guys don't want to settle down even if your dates going well they might bail to stop getting attached :(

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  • did u sex them on the first or second date? and all 10 u sex with? it seems u are attractive because they talk to u frequently but u hav to listen more and watch there action to know there intentions

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  • The pursuit is not meant to continue after a date. If they don't think you are interested they won't waste their time.

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  • You have been successful in having sex, but you are not competing well in the girlfriend competition. It would not be your looks, but it could be your personality.

    Maybe it is because you keep picking guys that only want hookups (if you met on tinder, then that is what you get) and you forgot that guys will say anything a girl wants to hear to get her into bed.

    When I meet a girl, I decide right away whether she is a keeper or a throwaway. The standard for a keeper is MUCH higher. A throwaway may be pretty, but if she is dumb or high maintenance, I sure don't want her for anything other than sex.

    Keep in mind that sometimes the guy is only talking to you for the challenge of the hunt. It is quite the ego boost to track a girl and persuade her to have sex when she might be otherwise not inclined.

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  • I'm not sure about other guys but after I speak to a girl and they become or act attached to me, it makes me feel sick and I stop talking to them.

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  • My guess is you didn't put out soon enough for some. Or when you did, they lost interest because they got what they were after and the chase was no longer exciting. You have to keep in mind, guys who really aren't after just a hookup won't pressure you to have sex before you are "ready". If he's really interested, he will wait. Then again, not all guys will abandon the hunt just because they got one notch. You are not seeing their intentions, and that is your issue. The only way to avoid it is say you're tired of being just another piece of meat and won't take that step until it's clear (at least a month into the future) that he's in it for the right reasons. It's not fool proof, but the only way to guarantee you aren't being used is to not give him what he wants short term until he makes it long term.

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  • I don't know try to get someone to tell you because it doesn't seem right. Something I don't know bad breath, lol.

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  • I think you know the answer 'the sex part'. They got what they wanted. Do they invite you to meet their friends, family? If not they are not serious.

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    • But if they do that, try to realy ask one of them for the real reason.

  • Maybe they lied and just wanted to have sex, or maybe they didn't enjoy sex so they lost interest.

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  • More than likely, after sex, they feel like they've accomplished their only mission.

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  • Im very curious to see how you look.. pm me

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    • I can’t it won’t let me pm you

    • Do you have kik?

    • Got to follow each other here too in order to do that from what i noticed

  • Nothing. If nothing came out of it its because he wasn't the one.

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  • Might be some of them just don't want hookup and wanted to start a relationship I guess

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    • Yeah and I want a relationship too

    • Did u talked to them why they r not talking much lster

  • Because the juice ain't worth the squeeze.

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  • they were stupid
    from your speech you look cool

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  • Probably you are not good in bed

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  • Need pictures of your face at least

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  • Pm I will acess that

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  • Maybe you’re not good in bed I guess because It can’t be your personality or they wouldn’t be on the phone for so long

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    • Lol women good in bed dude cmon that is not it. how hard is it too bend over and take it?

    • @studDMuffF1n Lol, Yeah I guess

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