When is being single unhealthy?

Im sure Im crossing into those realms. I've never had a boyfriend and am resisting the strong urges to hook up with some guys on tinder. I dont want just sex, but I can't stop obsessing over the idea of a quality boyfriend, sex and companionship. I threw out my old wardrobe, got some tattoos and new hair style / makeup and look really good, but Im doing it all only to find a guy. I've obsessed over having a guy since I was 11 or so, just insecure for a long time.

I say unhealthy because Im actually beginning destructive impulsive behaviors like binge drinking and wanting to bed with random guys. I have such an emptiness inside that no one seems to understand. Some days I wake up so lonely in my single life, that I've thought of killing myself. My friends are married, have kids and are dating, but I dont know what to do. I feel attractive but lately I've been depressed that I can't even look men in the face.
This is the only problem I've ever had that pushes me to want to die. Had such a vague relationship with my mother so I never feel worthwhile enough for men. I guess where she lacked in love, affection and validation, I seek these things in a partner. But I've been so insecure for so long :(
Should I seek some help or just take a chance with a hookup?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's good that you are starting to realize that your obsession with being in a relationship is negatively affecting you. Like you said, the issue is that you "never feel worthwhile enough to men". If you were to get into a relationship right now, some of your anxiety might be temporarily relieved, but the underlying issue would eventually crop up again and cause problems in the relationship. I suggest finding a therapist to help you deal with these issues. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone else if you yourself aren't healthy (dealt with most of your issues) when going into it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You seek companionship because you are not truly happy with yourself. You feel some sort of part of you missing. Since you have been focussing on having a relationship for so long you haven't actually gotten to find yourself and know who you are. You aren't in a relationahip because guys can tell you aren't ready. Take time and focus on yourself for you, not to please someone you don't know.

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    • That is the hard part. I never had a self-identity because my mom made it so uncomfortable for me to be myself without feeling ashamed. I dont know how to "find myself" though.

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    • Okay thank you. I need to find better ways to cope in the meantime

    • If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me on here

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What Girls & Guys Said

07
  • When it causes you stress.
    I think you are letting your need for companionship drain you emotionally. Find something constructive to get your mind off of it. Remember the rules of attraction.
    Somehow learn not to care about being single so it no longer causes stress. Find friends that don't bring out the envy in you but the joy.
    And remember...
    Give no fucks, want no fucks, have no fucks.

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  • I think maybe try seeking help before you hook up with someone. You're not alone i feel somewhat similar too.
    All i do is work and have lost contact with a few good friends i had in my late teens and now have no social life. Thinking about seeing a therapist myself

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  • For the first part here's a tip i should say the more needy you are the less you gonna have.
    Being is fucking amazing there's sooo much things out there that you can do gain knowledge skills and creat that unique by doing that you'll get attracted to you because they want what you have in them stop being obsessed with a relationship that is unhealthy in a general prospective think more about yourself embrace the way you're and people will come crawling to you that feeling is amazing.
    Hookup are meaningless sex if you want that go ahead you can find someone that you want to invest in them and they wanna do the same thing it will take time but it's gonna happen just don't be needy. Be happy with what you have.
    You're like a sad song but if you use your heart you can make it better 😅

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  • If only more women felt the way you felt, they would be able to understand guys better. You're a rare gem, you understand us.

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  • When you try to find a relationship, it doesn’t work, especially when you’re emotionally unstable. you have to be at peace with yourself and learn to be content and happy by yourself, you can't depend on a partner for that, it has to be mutual i. e. it takes two to tango. i used to think the same way about having a girlfriend that it actually pushed me away from getting one. eventually i said fuck it and started doing my own thing, i always noticed when i was happiest during point in my life thats when it would hit me out of nowhere and she would be there! she came to me, and fell rite into my palms when i wasn't even looking or trying. learn to love yourself, only then good things will happen for you! it’s not to late to change

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  • Just take your time

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  • My guess is you are under 21

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