Why do men do this while in relationships?

Ever since I’ve been with my boyfriend, and even before we started dating, he would look to other girls when we were out.
Before we dated I didn’t care because we were not together. But once we started getting serious, I’d feel really disrespected by him doing it. I understand that there will always be hotter girls, but one thing is to look and another to stare. He stares at girls all the time. I’ve expressed how much it bothers me to him several times and he still does it.
He is Mexican and I know it’s most common in Mexicans. What do you think? It stopped bothering me, like making me jealous, once I got pregnant but it still grinds my gears.
Am I in the wrong for being angry at him for doing it? He also watches me to make sure I’m not staring at men but he can do it?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For the same reason you look at other girls when you see them.
    Natural Instinct.

    As males, we look at them because we are biologically programmed to always look for mates. It doesn't just turn off when we are with a female, we aren't meant to be monogamous.
    Whereas females biologically check out every other female they see because they constantly compare themselves to other women and look for pros and cons. They are constantly in battle for dominance to keep their mate and be the most desired.

    There is no difference between staring and looking (I hate when women say that shit). We stare because it's a show we will only get to see for a very short time and will never see again, so we take it in as much as we can. Like watching a beautiful sunset or a fireworks show. What is the point in there being a show if you simply glance at it and then look away?

    You are wrong for getting angry because you should not be dictating what he can and can not do, he is his own person and just because you don't like something doesn't give you the right to try and stop him from doing it.

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    • Understandable. But if it were that way then why does he ask the same of me, but continues to do it himself? I’m not saying I’m a saint and don’t look at men but I try not to double look or stare because I’m considering his feelings. And maybe he’s more shallow than me but even so, why ask of something you aren’t willing to do in return?

    • "we are biologically programmed to always look for mates"... women are not. You are biologically programmed to try and attract the best mate. Therefore you looking is different than him looking.
      You looking vs him looking is like a cat chasing a mouse vs a mouse chasing a cat. It isn't normal for the prey to chase the predator.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a bit possessive to be jealous. Looking at others and being attracted to others is human nature. However if he's doing it obviously and purposely and it's annoying you constantly then I wouldn't put up with it. I wouldn't even say anything about it because that will make you look like a jealous girlfriend and that's not a good look. Get out of the relationship before its too late.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It's entirely natural for men to look at women and examine their bodies, because the looking at women sets off chemicals in a guy's body. It only makes sense that he would look at attractive women- that's why we have dress codes in schools and workplaces. But since he's agreed to share a relationship with you, he's obligated to rise above his natural impulses and be faithful to you. Make sure you let him know that it bothers you.

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    • That's not at all why we have dress codes in schools and workplaces. For workplaces in particular, dress codes are in place because each employee is a reflection of that company's image. Most companies want to reflect a professional image because it shows clients that they are the best company for the job and they take work seriously.

      In schools, a dress code is in place because certain clothes are inappropriate for a learning environment. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, a thong is not allowed in the classroom. I can assure you it's a not because women's bodies set off chemicals in men's brains. That's extremely sexist and not permitted under numerous laws and regulations.

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    • @guy_from_that_party Yes, you're right, there are many reasons for clothes. Physical attraction is one of them, along with others you've listed. I suppose I should have better said, "that's one of the reasons for dress codes". The part where you called me sexist for recognizing the existence of physical attraction had me a bit upset, but thanks for holding me to a high standard of language. My answering questions off the top of my head game is still pretty weak.

    • Appreciate you taking my comment well. For the record, I never meant to insinuate that you personally were sexist, but that the general idea of women not being allowed to wear certain garments because they distract men is a sexist one these days. In a nation where we treat both genders equally from a legal standpoint, dress codes in place for a reason you mentioned wouldn't have a leg to stand on. It suggests that a woman's liberty can be systemically oppressed simply because men are unable to control themselves.

  • You should express to him how bad it makes you feel
    let him know your tired of seeing him looking at other women
    i know you don't want start a argument but it's better for him to know.

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  • So you think because you're with him he then loses his right to look at other people? Lol. How do controlling and jealous women like you even get boyfriends in the first place. Lol if my fiancée tried to tell me I couldn't look at or fuck other women she'd be looking for a new place to stay asap 😂

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    • Well your fiancée is one stupid gal, my friend. Allowing you to “fuck other women” should not be something to gloat about once in a relationship unless you’re both open to having that open relationship. I’m not controlling nor am I jealous. I have a kid with him and I’ve let him live the life he wants to live. Drinking, partying, drugs whatever he wants whether or not he decides to do it is on him. I just ask the same. Double standards. I’m not wrong for asking for respect. And I’ve not asked him to stop doing it, just to be discrete or do it when I’m not around. Your relationship standards seem to be way different than mine. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t try to insult just because of that, deuchebag

    • I'm sorry if I got you wrong. My bad. My fiancé isn't stupid she's smart because she likes the taste of pussy too and sucks it off my dick when I get home 😊

  • I agree with you. I believe it's ok for people in relationships to look at others, but blatantly staring right in front of you is another. He shouldn't do that. Have you asked him why he does it?

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    • Thank you. First person on here to agree. I’ve never asked why, just that he’d stop doing it. He’d deny it at first and say I was imagining things. But after a few times he finally said it was natural, and has stuck to that ever since. But like I said, it’s staring not looking. I gave up bringing it up to him just let him have it his way and he finally tries to not do it but still will.

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    • Oh ok. I misunderstood, my apologies. Is more that it seems like he unintentionally makes it seem like you're crazy or stupid that bothers you about it at this point?

    • Basically. He made me feel like I was over reacting and blowing it out of proportion. He may be right but if I’m not comfortable with it I feel like expressing what I want isn’t asking for much.

  • His eyes didn't stop working just because he's dating you. You can calmly tell him it makes you uncomfortable, but don't try to guilt him or get mad at him for having functional eyes.

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  • I don’t think there anything to worry about. Men like to look same as us women like to look no harm if you don’t have trust issues

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  • Your right to be pissed. We all look a bit but if you love someone you need to learn to keep it chill. Your eyes are connected to your mind so he is thinking also.

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  • Its ok to glans at someone that is beautiful there is nothing more to it, even girls do that. But to stare at them is a whole nother thing and thats not ok.

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  • you're wrong.
    It's not a Mexican thing, it's a guy thing. Girls do it too; they're just more discrete about it. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean he stops being a guy. I'm not sure why you feel so insecure. no matter who he looks at, he's with you

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    • You’re not wrong, it may be a guy thing. I’ve only dated Mexicans. And I’m sure girls do it, but if I’ve expressed to him how much it bothers me, not really caring why he does it, but more so I feel disrespected by him doing it. Makes me feel like shit because he’s making me look bad. I guess it comes down to what girls think and what guys think. I told him he could do it all he wants but to not get mad if I were to do it, but still I can’t even look at a guy without him making a smart remark. So I guess I’m wondering why he can do it and I can’t? Not that I would but just a thought. And I was insecure about it before but now i could not care less, it’s just the disrespect I feel.

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    • I have a child with him. Ever since I’ve had her I don’t really care what he decides he wants to do, and I’ve made that clear to him. I no longer bring it up to him because i shouldn’t need to, or i feel I don’t need to after three or four times of already doing so. My point was just to see if I’m wrong for still feeling disrespected the way i do or if it’s an over reaction of mine.

    • Unfortunately you can't change him (or anyone else for that matter) only yourself. You can minimize the disrespectful feeling if you adjust your expectation.
      From that, I'd focus on the communication piece with him so you have mutual expectation vs reality on things moving forward. I'd also refrain from using the phrase "I don't care". Subconsciously, it can do a ton of damage.

      So you're not wrong for feeling that way. Not at all. However, you need to focus on fixing it.

  • One person doesn't represent an entire nationality or demographic.

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  • Luckily, I have that habit of analyzing my impressions of a girl in manners of her character when I see one, which often results in me disliking her again.

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  • From my experience normally its women who don't want to have sex all that much. So throw it down more?

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    • We have always had a great sex life. Which ended in us having a daughter lol but even now we do it as much as before. It’s harder with a baby but other than that nothing’s changed.

    • I feel then if its affecting your sex life (he would rather watch porn than be intament with you) then its a problem but if its a lonely Friday night let him be lol

  • No u r not wrong
    He would be looking for other for double relationship or if leave him he could engaged to other

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  • It's probably not on purpose. Maybe ask him about it?

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  • He should not do that. A guy/girl should not stare at opposite gender when you are with someone. I mean if I love you than I would never ever stare at someone else.
    And there is a difference b/w looking and staring.
    Looking refers to. You are walking with your girl and a girl passes by than you just look at her. Cause you can't close your eyes while walking.
    Staring refers to. You creepily stare at someone for a very long time.
    So guys/girls don't stare at opposite gender if you are with someone. ❤

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  • The real question is, why does it bother you? Your feelings are in your own head; no one else is in control, or even aware of them, really. He's going to look. Worse, you may think he's "secretly lusting after these women"; but he may not be. just as he doesn't know what's going on in your head, you don't know what's going on in his. I'm reminded of a woman who thought I was staring at her in a drugstore, once. She turned and stomped over to confront me. "Leave me alone! You're harassing me! I'm going to tell the manager, and have you thrown out!"

    "Madam, you flatter yourself. You are in my way." I replied as I went around her to grab a bottle of aspirin. of the shelf.

    It sounds like both of you could use some counselling.

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    • Hahaha, trust me this is the least of my issues at the moment. If I were to get counseling it’d definitely not be because I’m an arrogant, self centered, piece of shit 😉 sounds like the one in need of some counseling is someone else

    • Uh huh... Sure. Your reply says it all, with that strawman argument.

  • I think it's common with guys but I won't call it a staring. Staring is not appropriate

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    • It’s appropriate, lol. I get what getting a glance is but continuously looking over to the same girl or even having to turn your head to keep that girl in view is definitely staring.

    • You are right. That's what I meant

  • It's not a big deal. Everyone looks during relationships.

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  • he needs to stop.

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  • Everyone looks.

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  • I hate when guys do that like when you a re in a relationship it’s 2 people not 4.. 5...6

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  • Even I do that and its natural.. U can't help it... It has screwed many of my relationship that way... I'm starting to think I'm ur boyfriend

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    • He’s always defended it by saying that it’s natural. But it’s not like you can’t control it. I’ve definitely looked to guys who’ve caught my attention but I definitely do not stare or continue to look over to the guy knowing that it’ll piss him off. Why wouldn’t he do the same? Especially after telling him how much it bothers me.

    • Oh... I mean continuous.. That's a problem

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