What can I do to be more attractive to girls that I like?

I would like to start a relationship again after almost 6 year hiatus. I have only have a crush on 4 girls within my life time and each time I either got told I would be an amazing boyfriend but not for them or, in the second crush's case, I actually did dated her only for her to cheat on me 2 months later. I mean I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Yes, I am only 5'6" and 120 lbs but I thought I have a lot of other things that make me more qualified as boyfriend material. I exercise 6 times a week, a former top 25 cross country runner in my region but I have been lifting for 3 months, I am currently in MIT, and I write poetry and cook. I even gave up video games cold as a 2017 New Year's resolution. I would post a picture, but I am afraid about my face being exposed to public.
I really don't mean to sound entitled and I have nothing against women, but I am just wondering what I could possibly do to improve myself? It also doesn't make me feel any better when I am in an apartment with 3 other roommates who all have girlfriends and are all planning for Valentine's day and I still have no one.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey man. You got this. Don't let your environment dictate your circumstances or how you feel. Congrats on giving up playing video games as well. I'm sure it's tough, but it's a fantastic first step to growth. Have you ever heard of you attract who you are and not who/what you want? If no, then basically it's time for you to internally develop yourself, and since you want to at this moment, I hope I can shine a bit of perspective your way. Like another poster, there's nothing "wrong" with you, but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't improve. Girls have an intuition on knowing how to feel the other person out; gauging to see if that partner would potentialy be around for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Since you have your physical health down, everything will be more focused on training your mindset, and with any training it's not going to be an easy task. It'll have to be done on a consistent daily basis so that your skills and abilities turns into a habit. And skills like confidence, communication, and development can be learned.

    What do you have to do daily? A couple of simple things
    1 - Reading book (~30 min a day) on topics that deals with success principles, communication, social interactions, body language, spiritual, etc. Anything that feeds you with positive stuff and apply them.
    2 - Watching (or putting it in the background) YouTube videos that deals with motivation (~ a clip or two, depending on length) and learn from people's wisdom. Let it spark your soul
    3 - Listen to Audiobook or Podcasts on things that'll give you positive growth values - to also gain knowledge.
    4 - Go out there and talk to random people. Go and find 5 interesting thing about them and see what they have to say. This helps develop communication skills. Eye contact - Smile - Say Hi - How's your day? - Then use FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) - What's your name? - It was great talking with you. It'll feel weird at the beginning and from time to time, but that's OK, just think that a lot of people don't have great communication skills. You'll be on all cylinders by the time you have developed yourself.
    5 - Try doing different activities - e. g. - rock climbing, yoga, meditation, any thing that involves interacting with people and getting out of your comfort zone.

    Do this on a daily basis and it will help you develop yourself. Don't give up even in the toughest of times where it seem like nothing has changed. It will. KEEP PUSHING. Strengthen Your Self Foundation

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    • Wow this is awesome advice, thanks man I will give it a try. I think sometimes it isn't enough at times when I do go out of my way. Also out of curiosity, I noticed that your age is 35. Not a sound too optimistic but do women really act better the older you get?

    • No problem kid. But remember Master Yoda, "Do or do not, there is No try." Either you decide to do it or not, it's your choice. AND If you wish for change, you have to Firmly decide on that decision, then work on it to obtain those results. Whatever it takes. If not, then you can't blame society for being how it is, you take responsibility of your OWN decision. Because it's your choice, the red pill and grow, swimming against society mediocrity, or the blue pill and be what society tells you how to be. Lol. Also, look into the notion of a fixed mindset vs growth mindset. Anyone can grow, should they believe they can. I feel you can. :) It's your mindset and your work habit that'll determine your progress. Keep it consistent to where it turns into a habit and then the wonders of the universe will unfold for you.

    • Also, on the notion of women. That's kinda hard to discern. Let me say this, people grow old with age, but sometimes maturity doesn't come with age. Lol. But, here's the thing, when you build yourself to be a better version of yourself, you'll be able to swim through the crap that people will throw at you, and at the end of it all you get to choose your mate when you find someone who fits your dreams and values. Or you can play around for awhile to test the waters. That's what dating is for, to help you find clarity in yourself And what you like in a person, who'll ultimately be someone you'd like to spend your life with. :) but for the most part, develop yourself first, then everything will fall into place. If you don't stand for something (e. g. character, values, dreams...), then you'll fall for anything. Lmk if you like any future counsel. :)

      Book - The Seven Decisions by Andy Andrews

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What Girls & Guys Said

19
  • Be friendly, confident, and talk about interesting things to them. Ask female friends what they would find interesting to talk about as a starting point.

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  • Don't improve yourself for another person's standard , work on yourself the way it makes you happy it has little to do with how you look or how you treat a girl or whether if you play videogames or not.

    Think of it this way , if you love and enjoy the job you do the money follows and flows.

    Enjoy the lifestyle the way it makes you happy and other people would see it and like to be a part of it.

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  • Confidence is key.
    But that doesn't mean you can get any girl you like. You have to look attractive, smell good and dress like a gentleman.
    Show some class.

    If a girl doesn't show interest in you then she's not worth it, go look for another one. She's not worth wasting time on.

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  • Lol... Well girls definitely like having space for alone time so that could be part of it. But maybe you are a "nice guy" and you get friend zoned? You don't have to post. A pic but are you a 1, 5, or 10? You gotta know I'd you are ugly or attractive. Try focusing on the way you present yourself when with a girl you like not so much on "what skills you have to offer" also it might be the type of girls you like don't like the type of guy you are...

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  • Honestly, be healthy and show confidence. Don't dress slobby, show some style.. but not like in a gay way.. Like just be healthy and neat and put together.

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  • Be rich

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  • Get money. Flaunt said money.

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  • Be. Yourself.

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  • There is a hell of a lot that I could get into concerning this. But I can't write a novel on here, so the best thing that I can condense it down to is this:

    Accept that you are going to get rejected a LOT of times. The "there's something wrong with me" mindset is exactly what is holding you back- there is nothing "wrong" with you. Some guys personalities are such that women just aren't drawn to them romantically most of the time, and it doesn't make you less of a man. What it means is that once you do find a woman who is mutually attracted to you, she's going to stay for good. It's just going to take people like you and me a lot longer than others. So I would say 1) stop thinking your lack of romantic success is a flaw you have 2) develop your social and communication skills and 3) never stop putting yourself out there, no matter what. I'm in the exact same boat as you and since I started these three things, I can see that I'm making very slight improvement week by week. Understand that it is going to take forever- but you will get there.

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    • Ok that emoji in there is supposed to be "3 )"

    • Thank you for your advice and your compliment! Sometimes when I try to act more extraverted I feel self-conscious that I am coming on too strong like some sort of creep. Do you ever feel that way? Also this might sound strange but every girl I ever had a crush on is (or in one case WAS) my friend. It is strange to only like girls who you are friends with first but it also adds a lot of risk on both ends. Plus I don't want to give them the impression that I only became friends with them because I crushed them, it is actually the opposite.

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