I missed an opportunity to date an amazing guy.. What do I do now?

I've been friends with this guy for years, and at the very start of our friendship he asked me out and I rejected him (with understandable reasons at the time). We stayed friends, though, and both have dated other people over the years.
We didn't see much of each other over the last two years but we hung out again and instantly clicked. I honestly had strong feelings for him and i knew there were mutual feelings from him, but it just wasn't the right time for me at all. I had just gone through some stuff and I was not ready to date.
I still loved his company though. He made me happy to be around and I was fine being just friends. Flash forward a few weeks and he has a girlfriend. He treats me so differently now. Hardly responds to my messages, is very short with me when I see him in person, and just acts like he has no interest in being around me in the slightest.
I just miss his company and I don't feel like it's fair to just fade me out now that he has a girlfriend. I do have feelings for him, though, so maybe it's better that way. I just wish now that I would've gotten over my problems at the time and pursued a relationship with him, because I have never felt a connection with anyone like I did with him and I feel like I totally messed up.
I don't know whether I should let him fade me out of his life so I can get over him easier, but I love our friendship and losing that hurts worse than anything.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You didn't want him. . . twice. . . and he was hurt and now you are complaining about this isn't fair? A relationship is a mutual concern for each other, not just ourselves. Where is you concern for his feelings?

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    • I did want him, a lot, it just was not the right time at all. I had recently gotten out of a HORRIBLE relationship with someone who had been my best friend for years, so I was just too cautious with him and scared to ruin things, but things were ruined anyway. I know it's my fault completely, but Im just sad about how he's been acting towards me after it

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    • Yes I do. I feel awful that I led him on because I care about him so much, but I just got scared and it's something I didn't want to talk about because no guy wants to hear about a girls ex

    • Yes, a guy will listen to that if it is important to an understanding of what is going on in her head at present.

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What Girls & Guys Said

04
  • He's your friend. Talk to him about what you're feeling, and be transparent. Either he'll come to his senses, not realizing how things had changed, or it will bring some much needed closure sonyou can stop being confused by the situation. The waiting game probably won't do you much good in this scenario. And remember that you're doing this because he's important to you, plus you need clarity right now.

    You've got this. And good luck to you

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  • Sounds like an natural reaction from a guy who has a woman. Being close friends with a woman who isn't my girlfriend isn't something I pursue either. It sounds like you hurt him pretty bad to me. Rejection works both ways. Good for him moving past what you didn't want. Sounds like you lost a friend you love, and it was probably some selfish reasons, judging by how you avoid those details.

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  • Don't let these guys get you down. It sounds to me like you're losing him anyway. No harm in chancing your arm. Just put it out there, if he turns you down. Then at least you know. You will get over it quicker than losing a friend. But the feelings will be a lot more intense if he does turn you down. Don't live life with regret. Keep in mind though. There's a high chance he will turn you down. (I'm only suggesting this, with the notion you have serious intentions. If you think you just feel this way bc he's found someone else, then I suggest cut ties.)

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  • You just want him because he's somebody else's... Let him move on

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