He wants us to be “best friends”?

We’ve been hooking up for 7-8 months and attempted to be just friends off and on. We live across the country from each other but are going to kind of part time be sharing an apartment. It’s a weird situation but anyway. It’s been feeling like we are falling for each other and he’s been fighting it. He says if we date he’ll lose me. That I’ll end up hating him because all of his exes do and that he’s never felt this way about anyone or had a connection like this before and he needs me and can’t lose me. He cried at the idea of it. He says it won’t be easy to be just friends but he thinks it’s what’s best for us and our “relationship.” We have amazing sex, I know he’s attracted to me. He and I talk every day and have a crazy amazing connection. So how can he be just my friend? He isn’t just trying to sleep with me either because he’s actively tried not to. I know he for sure cares about me but I am so confused as to what is going on in his head. When he gets drunk he talks about how I’m going to leave him
And break his heart because I am so much
More attractive than he is and “can pull any guy I want.” Can someone explain this? I don’t want to hear just move on. I want to understand haha

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You guys are clearly are not friends but rather friends with benefits. If one did not want more than best friends, then why have sex at all? You are obviously confused because you want more from this, the idea that this will go somewhere but you don't have that security.

    I know he isn't just using you for sex, but if he (or you) have sex without having to commit more, then what's the point in aiming for more? Not to mention living together? You are going to leave him, because he has commitment issues, and he isn't brave enough to take a step forward, but rather use his past to as an excuse.

    Sex is amazing? You can get that anywhere. All 100% guys I know are horny fucks. A guy willing to commit and treat you with the respect and being the support pillar to your life - well I think this is what you should be looking for.

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    • That’s what’s so confusing. He is my support pillar. He’s gone above and beyond in so many ways and is there for me emotionally. He’s been there when I’m sad about real life stuff, when I’m insecure and sad, when I’ve gotten drunk and picked a fight for no reason. Lent me his car when I needed it, run errands for me when I couldn’t. I’ve been trying to tell him I can’t be just friends and he just keeps asking me what I want and what will make me happy and when I say that I want him he says things like “god I wish you realized his toxic that was for you. I’ll lose you if we date. I’m the worst person to date. Ask any of my exes. You’ll realize that as soon as you find someone who gives you what you want. I can’t lose you but I want what’s best for you and I know I’m not what’s best for you.”

    • Explain to him that it's not about dating, it's about having a mutual understanding on where you both are with each other. or hey just skip the dating part and call it a boyfriend girlfriend thing, but make it clear that if you both aren't dating then it means you are free to date whoever you want. In all honesty if he doesn't come around then I'm not sure what you wanna waste your time for. Its great he does all that stuff for you, but if he doesn't want you, then what the fuck is the point? Then just be friends and stop fucking.

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What Girls & Guys Said

04
  • He wants you to be his girlfriend in every way but he wants to avoid that label because that will "jinx" the relationship. Is that a good summary?

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  • He really really loves you, but he's scared that going into a relationship will jeopardize the bond he has with you. He really doesn't want to lose you, and I think that's really sweet. But I feel you two deserve a serious relationship.

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    • Is that a real thing though? Thinking a relationship will jeopardize things?

    • Yeah, it's happened to me and I understand where he's coming from. When you delve from a friendship into a relationship, things tend to get complicated... New responsibilities, new expectations, different mannerisms, and much more. Basically a friendship and a romantic relationship may seem worlds apart for the guy, and he's scared to lose what he has now if he takes the risk and goes into a legitimate relationship with you because things are working out decently as it is. He just doesn't want to take risks with you, because he doesn't want to lose you.

  • I have to say that he is a very clever player The reason I feel this is the way he is putting the guilt on you He can’t loose you and he will if you became serious The connection is the best he has had He has Xs Are they Xs because he wouldn’t commit In my line of work I come across this many times and reverse phsycology is a very manipulative way of keeping someone interested by giving reasons of how scared they may loose you with commitment but happy without He knows how to produce the guilt and confusion within the mind and therefore he doesn’t have to complicate things Not what you want to hear I know but the evidence is there

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  • friend zoned 😭

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    • pump n dump aka cum dumpster

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    • I mean she doesn’t know we are more than friends. I’m sure she can guess hahaha but he introduced me as his friend. I’ll do my best not to “fuck up” haha

    • his mom probably knows women have fucked him over and now she's probably mega bitch towards the new gfs 😭

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