Initiating communication, first time (online) dating, help

OK, a bit about me.

I'm 22, male, (almost 23) never been on a date, or had a girlfriend or that such and such. So this is new to me. Live near Boston, have a stable career job.

I decided to try this online thing. Met a girl, she's pretty attractive, lives about 1 hr away, started talking to her in early September.

So I chat with her maybe 5 times over ~3 weeks. Pretty good conversation about mostly everyday stuff, I think, she seems fairly interested. We've probably talked for ~1.5 - 2 hours total.

After this time, I figure I take my shot. Told her I'd drive down for coffee, bowling, maybe dinner if things go well. She agrees, saying it is an 'awesome' idea. That's this upcoming Saturday.

Each of those 5 times, though, I had to initiate communication. Like I see her online, and wait for her to send me something, and she doesn't. As soon as I send her a message of "hi", she pretty much instantly replies, and we have a pretty good conversation of stuff.

The way I see it, either she's really shy, or she wants to be 'pursued', or she's just not into me.

If its the last one though, I don't know why she would invite me to drive down there in the first place, or respond to my IMs.

Either way, I'll go see her on Saturday and see what happens. But this almost feels like a chess game.

Oh, and I think I picked the wrong icon when I registered.
To the first reply: Which of these 3 is likely correct?

The way I see it, either she's really shy, or she wants to be 'pursued', or she's just not into me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems to me that she is a combination of shy and desiring to be pursued; she doesn't want to look "clingy" or overeager for fear of being rejected, and she wants to be pursued to make sure you're still interested without having to actually ask directly. Thus, she probably won't make any first moves, but once you do, if she still likes you she should respond strongly.

    • Thanks man. This is what I feel is the most logical answer, and if it is, I feel like I'm in solid shape.

      I did, though, hint at least twice that she feel free to message me first instead of waiting for me to message her.

    • Some girls, for whatever reason, just never initiate it, basically unless you're dating them, and even then it's pretty rare.

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