Is it smart or stupid to put no pressure on the guy you like?

I e-mailed the guy I like and I told him if he was busy - I would not care if he did not reply to my e-mails. My friend says guys don't like me because I'm too nice.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys want to be pursued, though most r not interested in a real relationship in those cases. But I think if don't try then u'll always wish u had. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. As the saying goes. But if u do wish to pursue be assertive. Let there no question as to ur intentions. Then if it don't work out, at lest u tried.

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What Guys Said 24

  • Your friend is silly. If guys don't like you for being too nice that's their problem. Of course you'll have the idiots who think being nice means you're making advances or are flirting with them and then will feel like you betrayed them somehow if/when you don't want a relationship. Those kinds of guys may feel like you lead them on... let me repeat... they are idiots.

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  • Oh, you told him you would not care?

    Women are so stupid. When you tell a man you do not care, he takes it to mean that YOU DO NOT CARE. Thus, since you do not care, there is no point in him responding, since you do not care. It doesn't matter to you whether or not he responds, that is what you told him.

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  • That comes across as impatient, a bit needy-like you need his validation that he likes you. And also in saying you don't care if he doesn't respond, that shows you DO care but you're trying too hard to act cool like you have other options.

    In short a turnoff to any guy that hears that and he'll probably leave you be.

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  • Those girls are talking about themselves!
    Guys adore girls who are nice. Why every girl try to behave their best in front of her crush?
    Men are not like women who turned down nice guys!

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  • The seed has been planted, they now know you like them. Wait be cool and dont be too pushy with a response.

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  • I wouldn't come across quite so east to please. If you're a doormat who constantly says that whatever the other person thinks or wants or does is just perfect, it gets stale real fast. Don't go out of your way to tell him that you don't mind if he doesn't respond to your emails because he is busy. That's long winded and feels super forced. Don't even mention unless he apologizes to you for being so busy. Then you can just tell him not to worry about it too much, and it will ease his concerns. Just don't try so hard to be likable. It's not about putting pressure, it's about being natural and organic with the way you interact.

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  • Well, email is definitely outdated in terms of talking to a guy you like. Text, snapchat, facebook, and maybe instagram. You're not too nice, smart or stupid. If you're genuinely kind, then keep being that way. If you're fake-nice where you only do good because you want something in return, then you better change that. It doesn't seem like you're doing anything for him though except waiting. If you genuinely do not care if he replies or not, then that's honest, and honesty is good, but I doubt that you don't care at all. I could be wrong though. Do you even know if he likes you? If he likes you, then he would probably want you to care. If he doesn't like you yet, then he may never, or he might, but who knows if he's even right for you? Whatever you do in life, don't be a doormat, but don't be a bitch either. Love yourself, and don't expect anything from him. Whatever happens, good luck!

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  • Stupid. If you tell him that you don't care if he responds, why would he care to take the time to respond? Since you're posting this, you obviously care, so why explicitly tell him otherwise?

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  • That is being too nice but don't go from one extreme to the other... i wouldn't be pushy but don't be passive like you don't care when you really do either

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  • Fuck what they say lol this world needs a little niceness. An that doesn't sound like pressure... just sounds like your letting him know you guys are just doing your own thing

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  • Being too nice is not the problem as it is not being able to distinguish a difference between who your around. Saying you don't care if he replies isn't being nice or not nice

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  • Depends on the situation and persons involved and how u do it.. On this one - it's good u require the other person to be as involved as u.

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  • Sounds like your friend is right. This podcast episode may help:

    radiolab. org/story/104010-one-good-deed-deserves-another/

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  • Email? Yeah i think your giving them too much credit

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  • Ask him! Most guys would probably go out with you...

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  • Being understanding is a good thing. If he is interested he should keep replying

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  • Guys are not emotion driven. Just ask us... we will give you the answer.

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    • I know right? This "make him jealous" bullshit is just annoying.

    • Yeah I agree. A little chase is fine but... people need to communicate better.

  • Would you like it if a guy would put pressure on you? I mean, where's the sense in that?

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  • No guy would hate a girl for being nice

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  • you are so nice and I think you deserve a nice one

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    • I agree with this. She deserves someone good. I don't get why the other guys undermine her good intended efforts.

    • They are inexperienced guys

  • I like you

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  • His lost

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  • You can put some pressure but not that much

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  • It’s OK to be nice but need to be assertive at times

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What Girls Said 8

  • I am assuming your friend is a female, and in that case do not listen to her advice, do not listen to any females advice. I just realized this answer just backfired on myself... dang

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    • Your case is an exception, lady ;)

      I have seen only few women, who understand us men :)

    • Also in my opinion the guys here seem just as incorrect too.

      Don't know who to trust anymore.

      I'd advise to be easy going and keeping it under little or no pressure.

  • What kind of pressure are you talking about? If you like a guy, tell him. Just be honest and yourself - that's not pressure.

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  • Smart and nice are two different things. Here you're describing neither :P what's the issue exactly, my friend?

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  • If you don't care if he replies or not, that means you don't really like him that much. He will feel that.

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  • I think guys want to know that YOU value your time and the effort you put into writing them, and therefore expect an answer. You would from anyone else, right? Aren't you worth their time and attention?
    I get that you probably want to give the impression that you don't care, kinda like saying you have a life and are not waiting by your phone for their answer, which is of itself attractive. But I wouldn't try to give them the idea that you don't count, bc we train others to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. Believe that you have high value and they will sense that and be more likely to respond. If they don't, just say "NEXT!"
    Best of luck hun.

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  • HEre's where you go wrong - "I would not care if he did not reply to my e-mails." That just made you a doormat. I'm too nice to. You don't have to push a guy, but you can't be too easy.

    A better option would be to just not message him if you think he's busy. A man who is really interested won't take any prompting to contact you. If he's ignoring you, he's not busy. He's just not that interested.

    Writing what you wrote tells him you're okay with being put on the back burner and pulled out when he's bored. A girl who demands a bit more from him will be more exciting and get more attention.

    Otherwise, if you want more attention tell him that you're looking for someone who's interested and makes time for you. Even if it's a text on the toilet. Everyone has time.

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  • stupid.

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  • Most guys want a challenge you are not one

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