My girlfriend is very new to relationships. What to expect?

I'm the first guy she is dating. In fact she never thought much about any other guy before this. I feel extra burdened by keeping things gentle and trying to make her feel positive and comfortable. How do I keep things easy for her yet not be upset myself? I do understand she's trying somewhere. But I constantly fear she might end up doing something just because she might think I want it that way. I'm waiting for the time she might be able to express more. Can't tell her about it (or she might just be burdened herself).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Im in this situation. Im on my second boyfriend, but the first was extremely casual so this is really truly my first relationship. I've never had to open up and let someone in before. Plus, im showing all of me and not just what I want the other person to see, now. Its nerve wrecking. Especially as more feelings develop. Im connected to this person in an intimate way. I feel like I know them, but Im aware I only know so much. I dont know how he reacts when things aren't going his way, when he's angry, when he's upset. Weve never even fought... Those are the things your girlfriends going to worry about. She'll go through different stages of acceptance and your relationship will evolve as she becomes more comfortable.

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    • That was really helpful. She often tells me she gets upset because I'm taking a lot of efforts on my side while she thinks she is not. Too much overthinking involved.

    • In that case, she's telling you that you treat her very well, she appreciates it, and she hopes to do the same. In addition, she's having a difficult time because she wants to make you as happy as you make her, but she's still learning to express herself so she's not very sure if she's showing the right kind of effort and affection. People need different things. Some need emotional and physical touch, others need gifts, acts of service, etc. She just doesn't know which of those makes you happiest yet. Personally, I need a lot of cuddling and raw, honest conversations to really connect. you'll find your thing.

    • The three listed are physical touch, gift giving, and acts of service. The other two are words of affirmation and quality time. These are known as the five love languages. If you think it would help, you and your girlfriend could talk about these things and even take an online test to figure out how you each like to give and receive love. This may help both of you, especially her, strengthen your relationship and help her feel your love and learn how to express her love to you.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I have a similar situation with your girlfriend. It was personally difficult for me not to over think. I would often try to control my expectations by constantly analyzing the situation. Mainly because I was afraid to get hurt. I didn't wanna invest too much and have my hopes get crushed. I also would get insecure because it never occurred to me that guys actually think about banging other women even tho they have someone... that still remains to be something I struggle with. Since I don't think of other men. But yes, I find other men attractive. But it feels downright disrespectful to entertain the thought.

    My boyfriend helped me a lot tho.

    If you ask me, you need to have respect for her. If you respect a person, you wouldn't lie, you wouldn't cheat or keep secrets. And when she wants to talk, you would listen to her thoughts and her feelings. You would at least try.

    Also, letting her know that you are two separate individuals. Neither one of you are responsible for each other's happiness or life. That's an individual responsibility.

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  • Yeah you should keep things slow but not really hold things back , it should be okay to show her your affection and love her

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  • She might not know how to express her love to you, how to give little details. If she's a virgin don't expect her to take off her panties right away and give her time.

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  • Just be patient and take it slow.

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    • Trying my best. I value her a lot.

  • The only thing I can tell is that she might not know how to handle fights. I had little relarionship experience before my current boyfriend. To me, every fight felt like the end of the world. He had to explain to me basically how to fight while in a relationship 😅. Couples fight sometimes, thats ok, you do ir to gain more understanding of each other.

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What Guys Said 2

  • She might not be sure what you like or how a guy should treat her. She may not understand that perfection is not expected. Make sure she understands how important clear and honest communication is, even if she thinks it's something you don't want to hear.

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    • She finds it hard to talk over phone or texts. I understand but we don't get to go out so frequently and I feel we need to communicate more. I'd be okay if she speaks more often how she feels or what she wants. Just venting myself out.

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