How often do you call after a date/hanging out?

Guys if you liked a girl and went on a date/spent your birthday with her how often would you call/text her? This guy who I am 95% sure likes me got my number off of Facebook and texted me out of no where one day (I was very shocked) wanting to know if I would keep him company on his birthday, so we spent the entire day together and getting to know each other, talking, etc. The thing is, he works in another town (about 45 mins.-1 hour away from me) and is in law enforcement, so he has crazy hours, but he still hung out with his buddies this past weekend and calls/drinks with his friends. He said he woulc call me when the night ended. The thing is, about a week after the date, he sent me a text just saying he was fishing and was thinking about me, but he has only called me either to call me back and once to get directions to where I was since I called and said I was near his town and to come visit me, even though he got a call and couldn't come. I haven't heard from him in like 5 days. I just feel like I did all the calling, and since he is in a bad location my texts won't go through to him. So my question is guys, if you like a girl and went on a date with her, would you call her every day, every week, or what? Or would you text her? I feel like if he called me everyday then he might think he was in the friends/hanging-out category, since our conversations would consist of "what did you do today" blah blah blah and I am pretty sure he is more interested in me than that, so I don't know if he is playing safe and taking it slow or what, since this was the first date/first time we hung out alone. Then I started wondering if he doesn't know about how I feel for him.I mean I did spend the entire day/birthday with him and said I had fun and we would definitely have to do it again, hugged him, texted him, call him, but you know how clueless guys can be. So here are my questions:

1. Do you guys think he has an idea that I like him or do I need to be more obvious?

2. How often to you guys call a girl you like/interested in after a date?

3. Should I contact him more/initiate things more and if so how? (I don't want to get annoying with calling him and my texts won't go through.Facebook maybe?)

4. Why isn't he calling me more often but can hangout with/call his friends? Is it because he doesn't want to rush things or he doesn't want to be looked as as a friend to hang out with?

I don't know if I am jumping way ahead or what.I mean I know we only hung out once, but I am pretty sure he likes me along with everyone else.and like tonight he gets on Facebook at the same time as me, but then he doesn't chat with me (I didn't i.m. him just to see if he would me, but he didn't)

Any help would be appreciated!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, If I were you I probably would have waited for him to call you. I mean you did put yourself out there by hugging him, texting him and calling him. One thing for sure he does know you like him and no you don't have to be more obvious. For example I personally don't like when girls get a hold of me after a first date, especially if I am really busy. I would not make her wait a week though, I will call in a couple of days but I mean it all depends on what my schedule is like. I am not going to sacrifice all my plans and work just to see did say he had a crazy schedule. And if he says he is thinking about you then he is into you, he just could not find time for you. Don't take it personal, he'll come around. Don't be too clingy, otherwise he is going to think you are nuts. Stop calling/texting him like I said he'll come around. He knows you like him and you know he is interested in you. When he is free he will give you his full attention.

    • Well I only called him first because I tried to respond to his text and it wouldn't go through, so I didn't want him to think I was being rude/ignorning him, so I called and told him that. Was that bad? He also told me to let him know when I Was going to be in town, so I called and told him that too. Other than that I haven't called him.

    • Either way just give him space and time. Like I said he will come around. One thing for sure he does like you Good Luck!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Oh the art of relationships is a tricky one-kind of.

    First be open to him liking you more than a friend or just as a buddy.

    Or if you have your heart set on him-for whatever reason-Think of at least ten good reasons to date him-or more.

    1. If you like a dude say so and be open to his answer-either way. You might be happy as can be or sad as a wet puppy. We are guys and if we cannot take your honest communication then you might want to walk away from us unless you want to emotionally raise us.

    2. The next day-period if I have an interest or not and at what level- I tell them.

    The problem here is that some girls simply are not attracted to easily obtainable men and desire to have to pursue them and not feel needed by them. Other girls get that chases can quickly become a chore that quite possibly not bear fruit.

    3. Another person should return one message within 24 hours-if not then re try announcing the failure of the first attempt and get their temperature and simply ask. Some folks again like to play cat and mouse rather then just being honest with their perception of things and the direction they wish to take with the other person. Let the answers be truths and both sides be accepting and each moving forward in life -together or not.

    As guys in our 20s and teens and 30's we like to hang out with our buds. It is just guys being guys in a group. Better than hanging out at strip clubs or bars or with any number of other chicks, but it is simply dudes being dudes-seems reasonable. Again ask for what you want and be ok with the answers or not, and act accordingly.

    Have fun and good luck,


    One More Thing

    Three frogs sitting on a log and once makes a decision to jump of that log.

    How many frogs are left on the log?

    Three-he only made a decision to jump but took no action.

  • I call up to 3 times after a date. If I don't walk her all the way home, I call to make sure she gets back safely. And then I'll call a few days later to set up another date. And one last call before the next date to confirm. All calls being very short. 10 minutes tops.

  • its not clueless but sometimes the action for girls make guys confused , I mean you need to talk about other things and see what his react for it and how he'll reasponed for it ,
    try it and see where it goes , good luck


What Girls Said 3

  • 1. YES he knows you like him.
    2. They won't call right away after a date. But they would at least call once before the weekend, or on the weekend.
    3. NO and NO
    4. He might be interested in you, but not interested enough to take a minute of his time to call you.

    Based on experience, when a guy is interested, he would start planning the second date before the first date even ends. Like they would make up an excuse to meet up again or something.

    Maybe this guy likes you but is having second thoughts because of the distance.
    Whatever the case, and reason. If he really likes you, then he will figure something out. You've done your part, so let him make the next moves. If he doesnt, then move on to the next guy.
    I know I didn't help much, I just don't want to see you waste your time. I mean, I doubt he is sitting in his room right now, thinking or feeling the way you are, right?
    Just relax, and get back to what you were doing before you met him.

    • Well after the date he said we would have to do it again and to let him know when I would be at the lake near him, so yeah. and he did text me and said he was thinking about me and hoped I had a good day. His job just can't allow him to make plans since he is on call like all the time. I knew his ex girlfriend and they went to two completely different schools (3-4 hours away) and they still went out so I don't think an hour/45 mins is the problem, esp. since I live in his hometown.

  • So he's a boot. Whether its 3 months or 30 years, the job changes all of us. Trust me. Even if he's new, he changed the day he started the academy. His insecurities/trust issues are worse than the average guy, and unfortunately, you can't change him. The general rule with guys is, if he likes you, he'll make an effort to contact you. Male officers egos (especially new ones) are so big, if you call him and make continued efforts to contact him, his ego will blow up into epic proportions. Guys I work with think their badge and gun automatically gives them ass, and unfortunately, its true. If he's really into you, then let him come to you. Don't look into his actions. If you continue to look into things, or try to call him, he'll only see you as his booty. And if you leave him alone, and he doesn't call, oh well, find someone else. They're all dogs anyways. I love my partners to death, but I would never date them, especially after the things they tell me about their perspective on women. Good luck.

    • I hadn't heard from him in a while so I sent him an email and he said that his personal phone was out of service to call him on his work phone and he gave me the number and to call him to catch up. He said he needed to get my number to give me a call also. I haven't called him yet this was 2 weeks ago. The thing is he got my number off facebook before so why can't he do that again? He was really good at texting me when his personal cell was still in service.

  • Ok girl, you had me at "law enforcement". I'm a female police officer and I work with mostly males. Almost all of the males I work with have major trust/commitment issues when it comes to relationships. It's mostly a result of the job. It's very hard to explain, but based on what you're telling me, its the typical behavior displayed by most male officers. TRUST ME, whatever you do or say, you will never change these guys. Take your average guy, and multiply his insecurities/trust/commitment issues by a thousand. That's dating your average cop. If he's not delivering now, he will not change. He will NEVER CHANGE. In fact, the longer they work the job, the worse it gets. Speaking from personal experience, as a cop, its in our nature to make a decision within seconds. As a result of my job, I now have similar tendencies as my male counterparts when it comes to dating. When I meet a guy, I know within 30 seconds if you're serious dating material or not. So chances are, he doesn't see you as serious dating material, especially if he met you on the internet. He will forever ask himself, how is this chick going to screw me over, and who else is she seeing on the internet. If he's treating you like crap now and you're questioning his motives, get out now. And if he realizes what he lost, he'll come back crawling. Then, and only then, he might be worth your time. Good luck, hope this helps a bit.

    Sources: Personal experience and conversations with my male co-workers

    • Ok well I know him personally through a mutual friend. I have known him for 2+ years we lived in the same town but he got transferrred about an hour from me so the only way we can talk is phone and internet, but no I would never meet someone online. He just started working in law enforcement in March.

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