Dating advice: Should we all have a double standard about men's bodies?

Okay, so when a woman "expects" a man to be fit and look like an underwear model: Isn't it fair that men "expect" the same out of them.

This is just a huge double standard. I have heard my friends complain various times about how they want a very "hot" guy to date them, but when men say that they want a fit girl, the same friends are offended. Do you think this type of mindset is right?

I believe that we all should stop having insane expectations about other's bodies and focus on health. What do you guys think?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yes, it’s like the double standard when Katy Perry kissed that boy on the “new” American Idol! She kissed him on the lips without his consent. And female went off on that, saying that this kid would be glad to get a kiss from a celebrity and that he enjoyed it. Which he later came back and claimed that he was super uncomfortable. But every female I’ve talked too dismissed it.. but when I flipped it around, they said that it would be sexual harassment..

    Unfortunately, double standards is what this society is founded upon. Yes, we should focus more on the health aspect of being fit then actually body shape. But the flip side is, if we are being healthy and doing the things we should do, we would be in those better shape. And not too worry about it. But to answer your question, we all have double standards, but use that same energy when some guy wants a hotter girl then they are... there is always someone hotter and more talented and willing to do more!

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    • I hadn't heard about the katy pery thing, it's truly heartbreaking. This is just another one of those double standards that affect actual lives. :(

    • Yeah, it’s a sad thing that we have double standards.. just people saying you need to follow a rule, but I can be the exception too that rule because I want some to do something else.. you can’t pick and choose what you choose too follow and what you expect others to do or follow! That’s just common sense!

  • I think it's acceptable for people want what they want. However, it's silly for them to expect more than they themselves offer. The same system by which they develop their preferences is being used on them. If that offends them, they should consider where they stand.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't think I need to be attracted to the same body type I have, and there isn't really anything I can do about it either. Attraction is subconscious and I can't consciously change what I like, just because I think it's unfair.

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    • That's fine. But if you get offended when the guy you liked doesn't prefer your body type then that would be unfair from your end. Everyone has their own choices and preferences of which we shouldn't be judgmental.

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    • Black guys love phat nice asses doesn't mean every black guy on the planet does

    • Warriors_of_Death wtf. We are trying to have a conversation here

  • Yea, I'm sick of it. I kid you not I was dating this overweight guy and he was shitting on girls with stretch marks on their boobs (and it made me feel kinda bad bc I have them on my hips from puberty) but I find out he had them on his body just in another place. WTF? How can people be so annoying.

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    • exactly! Some people expect others to accept all their imperfections but then they're the same people who can't accept others'. (this sounds complicated af, but I hope that you can understand what I mean😅)

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    • Not saying it’s right but that might be why

    • @Iamagoodguy Very true, I'm just mad bc he could have turned to comedy, self deprecation, anything... lol but putting other people down to make yourself feel better. so messed up

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What Guys Said 83

  • What I have found as an obese man (I wear it well, but w/e) that wants to be active, lose weight, get fit, etc. is that it is extremely difficult even if you eat healthily. There is a reason why only 5% of people succeed at dieting and losing weight and most importantly, keeping it off. For example, I tend to eat almost all healthy foods. Chicken breast, yukon gold potatoes, mixed vegetables, fruits, nuts, oatmeal, natural peanut butter, hardboiled eggs, low-fat string cheese, greek yogurt, and tuna. However, all too often there are social events where it is expected to eat, drink, and be merry. That includes alcohol, that includes bar food, that includes things that you would never eat normally. What this does is it sets you up for failure. All it takes is one "cheat" day and it either negates all your progress for the week or you gain fat. So what is the option? Be a buzzkill and avoid social situations? The temptation is usually too great for most people.

    I know my greatest success was to cut out ALL alcohol, measure food down to the gram, count calories, and keep my macros in check. However, during this time I didn't have much of a social life. I would go out with friends and family sometimes, but I would be the guy not eating with everyone else, not drinking and having cheer. I would enjoy my time and socialize, but I was that "dieting guy".

    The problem with this is that it is very difficult to sustain, especially over the holiday season and when going out on dates.

    My suggestion is just to build a healthy relationship with food, eat well, but eat healthily and build good habits around portion control. Learn to love yourself as you are now and focus not on how you look but on how you feel.

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    • The same energy that you use for bad is the same one can use for good.
      If I'm hungry I eat as much as I want, but of healthy foods.
      And once you are used to good, bad actually tastes bad.

    • @es20490446e I can agree with that and attest to it. However, alcohol is my major weak point. I just love microbrews and it only takes a few to derail fat loss goals. Booze also throws judgment out the window. That pizza that your friends order at 11pm on a Saturday starts to look mighty good after several beers. "Just one slice" becomes three. That is why I can never understand intermittent fasting. Every person I have seen who tries it ends up pigging out at dinner time and before bed, especially if they drink.

    • Just eat healthy pizza! That's all!

  • I don't care if some one has a standard, I don't think its really going to benefit them since the vast majority of people are not going to fit that standard (sorry, but average height is 5'10", if your looking for a guy who is 6'5" your reducing your dating pool considerably, and if that guy also has to have a six pack (which is even rarer) and a six figure job, prepare to wait forever, especially if your not at that level yourself), however if that's what they want fine. BUT I do have an issue when they demand from others what they themselves are unable to provide. You do not get to say you want a guy who is seven foot tall and muscular then bitch and moan because men don't want you because your fat, just as you have your prefferences so do men and its rather solipsistic to demand the greatest quality of a partner when you are average or below average. Same goes with behavior, wanting this or that in a man but then refusing to put in the same level of effort into the relationship. Now I think its a healthier mindset to look for some one who is healthy and within realistic parameters but again, the real issue I have is the rampant hypocrisy.

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  • Yeah the biggest double standard of them all is how women want a man to always be taller than them, but heaven forbid a guy likes a certain body type or breast size.

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    • Guys have to be above 6ft, muscular, tanned, nice teeth and eyes, awesome hair

      Girls can be whatever they want. You go girl.

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    • if you don't mind me asking, how tall are you?

    • 5'11"

  • Yep, the double standards should go, if you want a man with a muscular body and six packs abs you have to accept that you could be held to the same standards, good luck if you want a man like that, because compared to the majority of the male population they are few and rare.

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  • One of the problems here is the acceptance of terms such as "thick," "thicc," or "curvy," or "plus-sized" as ways to try to draw attention away from what is obvious about a girl who can be thusly described: They're just different ways of saying "fat." But people don't actually want to be fat, ever, so even when people are fat (as sadly a lot of them are), they find mental gymnastics they can do in order to help rationalize it for themselves. "I'm not fat, I'm just curvy/thick." Nooo... curvy and thick do not exist. Fat exists. And either you are or you aren't.

    So this has been a problem, and the Internet has only made it far, far worse in the last ten years, by attempts to shame guys who are up front about wanting their girl to be fit/slim/attractive. Now this mindset comes from a good place, I know; it comes from an emotional place of wanting to support people and not make people upset, and people (especially girls) are sensitive about their weigh because no one wants to be fat. But the question must be asked-- who is being helped by being lied to? Whose health is improving? Lies make someone more healthy and/or attractive? No. They don't.

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  • Everyone needs to understand and accept preferences. You can't force someone to be attracted to someone. They're either into it, or they're not. If you don't think fat people are hot, so be it, if you want someone of a certain height? Go for it. None of this matters, everyone is allowed to focus on what they find attractive

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  • We can't completely get rid of double standards, because those will be based, in some part, on opinion.

    I don't always like the double standards, but it's not likely to change any time soon, so I'll either have to play that stupid game, or be alone. I don't like it, but I sort of understand it from an outside perspective.

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  • Learn this.
    The more desillusion a person is the more double standards they have in other words the more bratty they are.

    An other thing you probably gonna realize mor is that majority of females in younger ages have a lot of double standards and tend to becomes drama queens if they get caught or doesn't get their way.

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  • Well, of course people want the best they can get (however they define it) while being desirable to the most peope possible, i. e., they want to eat their cake and have it, too.

    Expectations should be reasonable (granted, lots of people's expectations are not), but, due to consumerism (companies wanting to sell us things), our expectations get badly distorted.

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  • It is a huge double standard.. I love when a girl asks how tall I am, and I answer, then she gets pissed of if I ask how much she weighs. The reality here is, how tall I am is not something I can change, but her weight is something she can change.. If women can have standards for whom they date so can men..

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  • I believe that everybody has the right to choose what they want their partners to have but its only unrealistic to ask for something that you dont have. Like what are you offering us so that you are expecting so much from us? (Applies to both genders).

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  • Yes men should be fit... it is the survival of the fittest if you want your dna contribution in the human genome of the future.

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  • Women are riddled with double standards.

    So are men, but I think men aren’t as vocal when subject to it.

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  • Well, it is up to everyone whether they are going to enforce their standards or not.
    If some fit guy doesn't mind a chubbier woman, good for him.

    Me personally, I exercise regularly and adhere to a relatively strict diet, so I'm not making exceptions for anyone over 23 BMI.

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  • Am I saying “yes, we should stop having this insane expectation” or “yes, I think this type of mindset is right?” You have to be more specific.

    No, this mindset is horrible. Yes, we should focus more on health.

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  • There already are expectations for both men and women, though.

    Men: Tall, fairly fit, at least average size dick, drives, job etc.

    Women: Stylish, shaved legs and pits, not too overweight, 'girly' personality etc.

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  • I agree, it really agitates me when girls constantly complain about how high guys expectations are.

    But then the girls have massive expectations from guys as well and guys don't complain no where near as much because we are desperate for love -_-

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  • I'm all about curve and comfort.

    Let women judge me how they judge me. I'm not about to pretend like anything I say or plead could genuinely change how anyone feels about the physical appearance of another.

    I'm not mad at skinny, fit, fat, skinny fat, or any other body type on a woman. What I find attractive is attractive to me. No amount of societal pressure is going to change that.

    Curves are my kryptonite. And if she's a curvy mother? Game. The. Fuck. On.

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  • I don't give a damn what people think of my standards. I want what I want and that's that. The opinions of a few hypocritical girls mean nothing to me. If you have a type, good for you. Go out and get that type. Give zero fucks about what people think of your type. Don't give a damn about what other people's type is.

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  • No because looks aren't everything, if you base looks for the reason you date someone then you're in for a rude awakening , yes you have. to be attracted toward the person but personality and the person's heart is what outweighs looks. There is always going. to be someone more attractive then who you choose so it isn't about looks it's the person that matters , if looks was the case there would be no marriages or relationships because people would be cheating left and right,

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  • While I used to would love to date a super-model... I changed my mind about it... an ex-coworker is trying to set me up with her friend. Her friend isn't a SUPER-model, but she DID have a modeling gig for a couple years. I'm not bad- looking, but not model- quality, either. Anyways, our personalities didn't 'click'... physical attraction is important, but it's not what REALLY matters...

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  • I don't think it's wrong to want a fit person, but I do think it's ridiculous when someone wants that and then gets offended when someone they like doesn't want them because they're out of shape.

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  • Of course it isn't right, it's one of the biggest hypocrisy in Society. You get things rammed down your throat about women being curvy and thin and all this kind of stuff where it's sexy but yet the same standard isn't applied to men, we are expected to be tall muscular and aspire to be like fitness models

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  • The media have set up false expectations that people don't have the intelligence to challenge.

    Personally, I don't worry about looks any more (did when I was in my teens). I find intelligent women, regardless of looks, really sexy

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  • A good body is important but you have to put forth the effort. I wanted more from my wife so we flew to Thailand for a new set of 32DD 400cc each, vaser belly lipo, nose job, 3D eyebrows, and all the day spa she could handle. So pony up guys, it only takes a bit of cash to have a Trophy wife. I think total she cost me $15k which is a bargain.

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  • I like attractive girls, I do expect them to like me back, if one does end up liking me back = Great.
    If not, it's not their fault.

    However if a girl literally expects a supermodel then it is her fault. I believe I'm pretty average in looks so when a girl says I'm a literal 0/10-1/10 then it is her. I've asked enough people to get a general idea of female opinion of me.

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  • I personally don't "expect" anything. There needs to be attraction for sure, but that doesn't mean she has to be a model by any means. And personality plays a part in it.

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  • I voted No to double standards. It is unfair to you and lots of single people if you are holding out for the upgrade you probably dont deserve. Let's keep things realistic and everyone will get more sex!

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  • It's not double standards at all because the both sexes view this exactly the same way. Girls want fit guys, guys want fit girls. It's natural. It's personal preference. It will never change.

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  • It all boils down to entitlement.

    We shouldn't have the double standards, but we do. I think the reason is that women are the prizes, guys are the contestants, and everyone knows it. Women place a great deal of pressure on each other to look and act a certain way, while guys don't really have the same thing... we feel pressure in other ways, but the things we feel pressure on are easily measurable things that you can have more or less of. When a guy has things that girls look for, whether or not he is desirable boils down to how hot he is, but it isn't the first priority. So women see guys who aren't that great getting with hot girls, and then they wonder why that can't go the other way.

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What Girls Said 34

  • Haha I see this constantly. Women always try to punch above their weight- more so then men, because for all their fishing about their appearance, women always think they’re hotter then they actually are.
    I think, if we expect men to be fit, then we should expect the same of women, and stop calling excess belly rolls “curves”.

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    • I totally agree with this. I was on a dating site and I changed from "curvy" to the sites way of saying fat because there were more curvy women in the fat section and more fat women in the curvy section.

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    • @Synttacks I agree, hour glass figure is lovely.

    • @Valiant I agree. One of my favorite shapes.

  • I don’t expect my guy to look like an underwear model.. in fact I kind of prefer him not to. Anyways, I don’t expect that of a guy and I would hope the guy I like doesn’t expect that of me either. Double standards like the one you mentioned suck in my opinion and I definitely find them unfair

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  • Glad someone brought this up.

    I stay within my body appeal range which is toned with a nice butt and boobs.

    Oddly enough, men bring up their own fitness after noticing my abs:

    "You look amazingly sexy... I need to workout some more ha ha -"

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  • Well I don’t think there should be a double standard personally. I think attraction is important and it’s nice to see someone take care of themselves. We shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be with someone who is appealing to look at that being said whatever standard you put a girl/guy at you should have the same standard for yourself.

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  • Yeah I do believe if you expect something of someone then you should be doing that already as well. For example I expect my partner to have good hygiene because I care a lot about hygiene myself.

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  • It seems like the girls your associating with are rather shallow... i for one dont want my guy to be exceedingly fit and "perfect" nor would I expect them to try and be that way. Because while I would want my guy to f8nd me attractive, if he only found me attractive with keeping up a certain appearance, that would get rather exhausting. I actually like guys with some chub as long as it isn't effecting their health. And It's fine to have a standard too, you can't expect everyone to have the looks your acquiring in a partner to have. But if that's your sole reasoning to date someone, that's not very good. And this goes both ways amongst guys and girls.

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  • Most girls like short guys in college. because they all dumb another toke me granted. I have dated guys in ICT , gardening , animal care. now that i am dating guy outside of college into sport , video gaming , puzzled games. we went to same high. we about the same a heghit. two guys in past did cheated on me.

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  • Your friends say that because their 17 and they don't know any better. People are often shallow in theory but not in practice. My dream guy is very different from the man I actually fell in love with. I've met my dream guy (physically) turned out in real life I didn't like him. The guy I ended up with is almost the exact opposite of my ideal, but I still think he's super hot. There are shallow people in both genders. Your friends will grow out of it, and if they don't well that leaves more great guys for you.

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  • I believe that people tend to match with similar people. If you are very fit, like going to the gym and think that's important it would be no more than logic to match with someone that has the same mindset, meaning you'd probably end up with someone who probably is also very fit. I would never date a very fit man, because I'd be afraid I'd have to spend all my time in the gym too. No thanks. And I wouldn't date a very fat guy either, because I think eating healthy and taking care of yourself is very important. So in the end it comes down to finding someone who matches you.

    So to answer your question: yes, I do think gender shouldn't play a part in this. However I think if these kind of things show up in a relationship, the two people involved should figure out if they still share the same values.

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  • We expect a man to be fit? who said? I expect to be attracted to them and like them for them. they don't have to be fit for me to be attracted to them, like them or want them.

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  • I feel as though no one should be expected to look a certain way, but if you only want a fit guy, you should be fit yourself. It’s unfair to expect someone to look a certain way when you aren’t even trying

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  • Everyone's entitled to their own expectations and criteria in a partner. We all do. Nobody's entitled to have these met though.

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  • I have a personal preference for chubby men and I'm chubby chick so it works out but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what you look like to me

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  • This is true for both sexes. But yeah, I agree. If you're not fit yourself, you shouldn't expect to get a fit or significantly fitter/better looking partner for yourself.

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    • @Warriors_of_Death Multiple accounts eh.. my fandom is rising :)

  • I honestly don’t think women expect all men to look like underwear models. Some even find that body type unattractive.

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  • If you are a fat guy and want cute fit girl then work on your body and don't expect that you will get her

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    • But this is about fat girls that want a cute fit guy...

  • Just be with people you have some attraction to. Relationships fall apart or get stale when there’s no attraction or chemistry between partners.

    Also, one thing you learn, there’s not much that’s totally fair and balanced in dating/relationships. Extreme example: is it okay to expect a girl to shave her armpits and legs, but not guys? Isn’t that a double standard? Well maybe, but that’s generally accepted and no one’s offended, because we acknowledge people are not all attracted or turned off by the same things.

    I take your point that people should not be offended if other people aren’t attracted to them, and it’d definitely be better if we had realistic expectations and not crazy ones, but at the end of the day... we’re attracted to what we’re attracted to. It’s difficult to change it, and many people have double standards when it comes to looks, intelligence, personality, finances, you name it.

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  • I totally think if a women wants a guy with abs she better be fit. I on the other hand don’t have abs, my stomach isn’t necessarily fat either I have a little definition I guess it’s pretty average so I kinda want a guy who’s the same, I wouldn’t even care if he had a dad bod.. I’m kinda into that. I mean at the end of the day it doesn’t even MATTER what the person looks like because I have dated guys who I personally didn’t find 100% attractive but I did find them a little attractive and their personality was great so that made up for it and the more I dated them the more attractive they became to me! That’s definitely a dumb double standard and is not fair at all.

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  • I think I if people focused more on personality than body types, they’d have better relationships.

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  • Not everybody is that way. Personally I am not into the buff ripped muscle heads. I prefer a thicker guy. Yea I'll admit i like taller guys but that's in our biology. When I'm noticing a man's appearance i see their eyes, their jaw line, their teeth, and their hands. I love blue eyes but honestly any eye color is beautiful in the person you're into. I have dated mostly hazel eyed and brown eyed men. I also get weak over a strong jaw line. Teeth are a big deal for me if they have bad teeth it's a turn off, partially because dentures creep me the fuck out and bad teeth lead to dentures. And lastly hands because I find a man that can work with his hands to be the sexiest thing of all. Calloused, dry, stained, beautiful hands.
    I don't believe it is a double standard for people to have opinions on the people they find attractive, but it is a problem to belittle and degrade the people that don't fit your standard or "aren't your type."

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  • we're attracted to what we're attracted to unfortunately.

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  • I think everyone has their own opinion and think they need to lower their expectations. We are all human and I don't want a "hot man" nor am I "hot" or "fit"

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  • It might only be because I'm still young that I think this way, but I think people should focus more on personality than apparence. I mean, if the person is super hot and sexy and look exactly how you want them to look but they don't give a sh*t about anything, disrespects everyone, bully people, and basically, their personality is trash, I don't think you'd still want to date them. Or maybe you just want them for sex, i don't know meh, or you probably don't truly like them. Either way, I just think personality has more to do with a person than how they look like.

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  • It's usually guys that expect to have a "hot" woman than it is women who expect a hot guy.

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    • That is just not true, women are so much more choosey than men

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    • If you haven't worked that out by now then you are even less intelligent than i thought

    • Just say it

  • Honestly all male bodies are hot to me no matter the build or the face of the person

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  • I'm missing white guys... where I live all things...

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  • Yes, but some people will continue to be unrealistic anyways

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  • The mindset isn't right, but it's a normal human reaction I guess.

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  • All women have to know that they belong to just a man

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  • I hate double standards. Both ways.

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