He doesn't believe in dating? and is lack of communication in public normal?

OK, so basically this guy I'm really into has been hurt a lot in the past with girls cheating on him and such. So much so that he doesn't really believe in relationships. He's just so afraid of getting hurt and to trust someone and completely let go... I know he likes me a lot and I can tell that he's starting to open up to me since he told me all of this. And I can relate very well to him with being hurt a lot, but I still believe and know that not all guys are jerks. Are there things I could do that will make him more comfortable and know that I'm not like that...

Also, when we are together and alone, it's a lot of fun and we talk and do stuff. But in public, he acts like we barely know each other. I don't understand it. The only time he didn't act like that was last night during a frat party when he was buzzed. I'm an extremely extroverted person, and he's introverted. Should I act upon my slightly crazy (but fun) side and be the spontaneous, random "LETS GO!" person I am? Or should I let him get more comfortable on his own time? I just don't really understand what's going on inside his head.

Can anyone give me some insight please?


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  • You know what girl? All that - the lack of communication, his personality in public and his issues with being able to date again all boil down to one thing: He's not ready.

    It's understandable that he's been hurt and that makes me feel bad for him :(. And it sounds like you guys get along great and you have no problem being there for him. However, at this point, he has too many trust issues and has a lot of stuff to work out in his own head. Until that happens, he won't be able to move on to anything/anyone new. And definitely, this is something that shouldn't be forced or coaxed out of him...it's something that has to happen naturally. Because if he gets into a new relationship too soon, those problems will trickle over into the new relationship and screw everything up.

    Continue to be his friend girl, continue to get to know him and this will make him continue to open up. But I highly suggest that you don't pursue anything with him at this point. Don't wait for him either, just because he's not ready doesn't mean you shouldn't be available to other prospects either you know? You deserve to continue on in your own life and as long as you guys stay friends, he's not going anywhere :). Good luck hun!

  • My ex was the EXACT same way. We just DATED (not a relationship) for a year because his previous ex really f*ed him up and had another guy on the side and stuff. So he got crushed and no longer believed in relationships. But I stuck through it cause I honestly liked him. After a year, I said I wanted to be in a relationship and surprisingly he said okay. 3 months after the relationship started things went downhill... slowly. he was more distant, moody, insensitive, cranky... whatever. finally valentines day weekend comes around and he has to go to a fraternity convention in a near by town about 2 hours away, but he promises me that he will be back to go out on valentines day. the whole weekend he texted me once, and valentines day comes... and he doesn't call till 8 at night. at that point I'm furious and end it right then and there.

    my words of wisdom when dealing with this type of guy: RUN. don't waste your time. if he's not ready, he's not ready. and if a relationship is formed with him and he's still not ready, it will go up in flames and he will take you down and leave you there. find someone who wants to be with you.